Cat Lady

Now that I have an empty 6-bedroom house and I'm lonely, I think I will start collecting cats.

Life is shit and I'm really fucking depressed.

I Need to Pay Attention

I'm so broke, I can't even afford to pay attention. Just kidding. Anyhow. . .

A long, long, long, long, long time ago (in blog-time), I got 2 new awards from two of my favorite blog-sisters, and it's long past time to acknowledge them so they don't think I'm, like, retarded or ungrateful. I truly AM grateful, ladies, just having issues (as I know you know, so I won't whine about them at this particular moment).

Thank you so much to DiamondsSaphire for this great "Make Me Smile" award, created by Bridget at "...And miles we go before we sleep..."

Thanks, luv. Glad you got some smiles, and I'm working on trying to bring the smiles back to my little spot under the sun here at Blogger.




Next, Dawn has given me this other totally cool "Be The Blog" award, created by Mark from Me and My Drum:

I don't have to try very hard to be ME, easiest thing in the world in fact. Sometimes people think I'm funny, sometimes they think I'm just too blunt and in-your-face, but I don't really give 2 cents--that's just how I am and how I have to be to stay true to myself. If someone else along the way happens to get a chuckle out of some of the crap that comes out of my mouth (or on my blog), then it's just gravy, welcome aboard, the more the merrier. I hope that's true to the spirit of this award.

Running short on time here and feeling a bit mortified that I don't have time to share these right this moment, but I know you'll understand. I'll be back later to pass them on. I think I'll hoard them for a bit longer. For now I just wanted the gals to know that I hadn't forgotten, wasn't trying to snub the honors they've given me, but more to come.

For My Sweet Ones

I miss you so much, with all my love.

Christmas Gifts.net

Lookie Here

I see I am approaching 200 posts. That's very interesting, considering I never thought I'd get through 100, let alone twice that many and considering the fact that I'm really only here to entertain myself - you guys are just being dragged along for the ride, but I appreciate you being here. Who'd have thunk I had that much shit rolling around inside my head (and in the inbox of my email....man, I get lots of stuff, and you haven't seen even a small fraction of it yet)?

With that thought, and in the spirit of the holiday season, I leave you with this:



Must be the anti-Christmas folks are at it again? I guess I missed that one on the news. Isn't this just MEAN? That poor little boy.

Someone Enlighten Me

I am confused. Maybe it's because I've turned suddenly senile recently (my "35" landmark), but I just don't get it.

My computer was fast, back in the day. It was slick and sleek and cool and up-to-the-minute for all of about 38 seconds before something better came out on the market. It's like 5 or 6 years old now and has nothing like "gig" associated with it other than storage capacity, but it was fast: It would boot in less than a minute and could burn a CD in less than 3. I could run 8 different programs at once and never had a problem. Then a "goodie" hijacked my IE and my whole computer went to shit. Eventually I said "piss on it" and did a system restore, starting with a fresh slate. It was fast again! After that, I was careful with what I downloaded, checking after each program to see if it affected its performance, and all seemed right with the world.

Now just a couple months and no additional downloading later, it's slow again. Aggravatingly slow. And I get this stupid message from time to time that my virtual memory is low and Windows is increasing the size of my page file. Being somewhat computer illiterate (I was raised on DOS and Windows was Greek to me), I sought out help online and found some XP tweaks to see if it would help. This pile of shit did speed up some, but I can't get rid of this stupid virtual memory message when I have 2 or more programs open at once. It's really enough to piss a person off when you need to have open a word processing program and a transcription program simultaneously in order to WORK and you keep getting this stupid message and nothing does what it's supposed to, the voice files babbling away on their own and no way to stop them.

Reboot. Yeah, it's fine for a while but then gets funky again. And it hates ANYTHING running Java. Now, I hate coffee too, but this piece of shit was supposed to have been built to like it, or so I thought.

Maybe I'm just expecting too much from an old dinosaur of a computer, but I don't have the means of buying anything new and don't really want to have to put all my stuff on a new computer anyhow. That's boring and takes time I don't have. Maybe I should tie it to the bumper of the car and take it for a drive like I keep threatening to do to it, said threats obviously not working since my computer just keeps "laughing" at me.

WHY ISN'T IT AS AWESOME AS I WAS WHEN I BOUGHT IT? Do Hewlett-Packard and Microsoft have a scheme going that makes their computers shitty after a couple years so you are FORCED to buy a new one and keep them in business? ARGH!

Rant over. I don't really require an answer from you, but if you've got one for me I sure wouldn't turn it down!

Gimme a Friggin Break

Sure are lots of people PO'd lately about the holiday/Christmas argument. This isn't a NEW argument, though--it's just being pushed harder by the minority against the majority, the few who want to force their own beliefs (or lack thereof) onto the rest of us and expecting us to drink the Kool-Aid (don't get me started on the Kool-Aid thing, either).

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, PEOPLE!!! IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS BUT TO HAVE A HOLIDAY, THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE, JUST STOP PUSHING THE REST OF US AROUND!!! It's CHRISTMAS, you know, a celebration of Christ's birthday. If you don't believe, then what the fuck are you taking the day off for? After all, it's just another day to you, isn't it?

Anyhoo. I got this one back LAST Christmas but was not a blogger at that time. For some reason I kept it stored in my Inbox, though, so I now give it to you (to take seriously as I know some will or to take as a joke, which it was meant as, to be laughed at in realizing the lengths some people will go to in order not to offend anyone, which is JUST CRAP--IT'S STILL A FREE COUNTRY AND MY OPINION IS MINE, NOT YOURS, AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO IGNORE IT JUST AS I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXPRESS IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!)

Please accept with no obligation, implied or
implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally
conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-
addictive,gender-neutral celebration of the
winter solstice holiday, practiced within the
most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices
of your choice, with respect for the
religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of
others, or their choice not to practice religious
or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a
fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset
of the generally accepted calendars of choice of
other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make America great. Not to imply that
America is necessarily greater than any other
country nor the only America in the Western
Hemisphere. And without regard to the race,
creed, color, age, physical ability, religious
faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By
accepting these greetings you are accepting these
terms. This greeting is subject to clarification
or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no
alteration to the original greeting. It implies
no promise by the wisher to actually implement
any of the wishes for herself or himself or
others, and is void where prohibited by law and
is revocable at the sole discretion of the
wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as
expected within the usual application of good
tidings for a period of one year or until the
issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,
whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to
replacement of this wish or issuance of a new
wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

A Powerful Message

I had this posted on my MySpace page but for some reason it doesn't show up anymore. Regardless, the message is a powerful one, whether you see it on a blog site, MySpace, or any other time you're just cruising the net. We need to remember that the children really ARE the Future of America (and every other country on the planet), and if we don't teach them right from wrong when they are little, how will they become good adults?

CHILDREN SEE, CHILDREN DO

Future of America

Stone and Sea

White-capped waves race toward the rocky shore,

Trying to escape their mistress, Wind.

Wind desires to take Stone as a lover and Sea as a slave.

Stone embraces Sea and they dance together gracefully.

Sea's delicate spray reaches toward Sun,

And Sun's smile of approval glitters as a rainbow of jewels.

The first dance over, Stone and Sea part slowly,

Touching longingly until the very end.

Jealous Wind, frenzied, strikes out ever more furiously,

Not realizing she only draws the lovers closer.

In trying to create chaos, she creates harmony.

In trying to steal another's lover, she strengthens their bond.

Reunited by Wind, Stone and Sea meet again and again,

Wild and untamed, each always reaching for the other.

Sun becomes angered by Wind's jealousy and rage.

He wants her for his own.

His face darkens as Sun and Wind battle above Stone and Sea.

Finally Wind grows tired and leaves.

Sun smiles once again on Stone and Sea,

And the lovers' touch becomes a gentle caress.

From the recesses of my mind (so yeah, it's COPYRIGHTED, A. Therrien, 2007), dedicated to my husband, my heart, my love.

Another Great Email: The Penny

You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.
He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny.

He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value.

A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before! What was the point of this?

"Look at it." He said. "Read what it says." She read the words " United States of America "
"No, not that; read further."
"One cent?" "No, keep reading."
"In God we Trust?" "Yes!" "And?"
"And if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him? Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at that moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up, and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. Yes, God, I get the message.

It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then, pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient..

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross
+ 3 nails
--------
4 given

Giving Thanks

As I sit here wondering "Just what do I have to be thankful for?" I find my heart breaking and my mind cramping up, thinking too much on something that should come so easily.

I give thanks for being healthy. **KAANK--WRONG ANSWER** That, unfortunately, was taken away from me rather unceremoniously with a diagnosis of MS on top of pernicious anemia and a syringomyelia and myelomalacia of my cervical spinal cord after a long and (emotionally and physically) painful loss of much of my right-sided function. I am thankful that I am still breathing and able to use my mind to figure out new ways to adapt around my so-called "disability." I refuse to give up, refuse to give in, refuse to just lie down and die, and I am thankful for having a strong will to overcome. People like me are afflicted with diseases like this for a reason: We want to find a way to beat it, and we will.

I give thanks for being surrounded by my beautiful family. **KAANK--WRONG ANSWER** That was also taken away from me 72 days ago, quite traumatically and nearly causing the destruction of my soul. I am thankful for having had the experience in the first place, even for a short time, when so many do not. I am also thankful that I have my memories and a handful of pictures to keep those memories alive inside of me. As long as I remember, they are still with me even if they are not by my side, and someday we will be together again, without sorrow or sadness.

I give thanks for being wealthy. **KAANK--WRONG ANSWER** That one was just never in the cards and one I never really put much stock in anyway. Money isn't everything, and I'd give all that I had to have back the things in life that really DO matter. I am thankful that I have a job at all in the current economic climate, one that provides for what I need and an occasional what-I-want item as well as giving me a means to keep my mind sharp and keep me learning on a daily basis. Too many have no job at all or are stuck in one that they hate.

Don't get me wrong: There really ARE things in my life to be thankful for that come to mind very easily and don't stretch my already over-stretched soul to find. First and foremost, I am thankful for my Lord Father and Jesus Christ, rejoicing in my re-discovered faith and Love of God. It's unfortunate that it took a traumatic event to turn me back to The Way, but I guess that's just what it takes for some people. I share that peace and joy and love with YOU, another part of my life that I am thankful for, my friends who have been there for me when I needed you most. You may not know how much you've meant to me and I find words escaping me now (yeah, that happens to me occasionally, I do become speechless from time to time, hard to believe but true) but just know that this gal here DOES appreciate you and all that you've given me.

Thank you again, love and peace to all,
A.

Sorry State of Affairs

When children 8 and 9 years old are alleged to have sexually assaulted an 11-year-old. Too bad we don't have some more back story here.

Interesting

Bit of history in the making (and breaking) in Detroit, Michigan. Yeah, I like history and I love old buildings, and a bit of me cries at the footage of the demolition of the J.L. Hudson Department Store (1998). I know it costs a lot of money to remodel these old buildings, but when we do this, it's history lost. Here are some more photos.

Future of America

Force these fools to work on a farm, and they'll be too damn tired to pull off this kind of stupidity. Maybe if we went back to some of the "old ways," we wouldn't have kids like this doing stupid shit like this. Teach kids morals and values, the consequences of their actions, personal and social responsibility. Reinstitute corporal punishment and put parenting back in the hands of parents where it belongs, instead of in the hands of Big Brother. This makes me sick.

Thoughts from Tim

Tim Allen, funny man:

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

I read somewhere that hair grows until you reach 40, then it goes in the opposite direction, into the head and out the ears, nose, and other odd places.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

Scientists have estimated that every person on Earth has some atoms in their body from every other person who ever existed. Yikes. This means I have atoms in my body from Buddha, Jesus, Lincoln, Geronimo, Hitler, Attila the Hun, Lassie, and Marilyn Monroe. At least now I understand my mood swings.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: Work or prison.

Oh, I'm Cookin Now!

Not only am I unique, I do happen to be useful. . . . . . (Just don't ask me what for, the jury's still out on that one.)


I put Site Meter on here to see who's peeking when I'm naked and following the links around to find some new friends (yes, that's how some of you got me hooked on your sites, either through your own unfortunate click onto my site or through someone else's that eventually led me to you through the wondrous invention called a BLOGROLL--we shall not name names). Some really interesting search strings have led people to My Boat but most of you seem to be fairly regular readers (you poor souls) and don't have to enter "shit her pants" or some of the others that have led people here. I can only speculate that I must have dropped in the Google page rankings since I don't get quite so many entertaining hits lately. Anyhow, I pulled up Site Meter and had to chuckle over this on my stats page:

Average visits per day: 3
Average page views per day: 5

YEAH - ROCK ON!

Good thing I'm not doing this for a living. VERY GOOD THING this is just my personal soapbox to dump some of the junk rattling around in my head, an etherspace junk drawer, if you will. I can't believe people actually VOLUNTARILY come to read this stuff, but THANKS FOR COMING BY TO VISIT! YOU'LL NOT BE FORGOTTEN WHEN I'M RICH AND FAMOUS!

Happy Friggin Birthday, Beyotch

What a way to celebrate my 35th. . . I mean 19TH. . . birthday. Instead of sleeping in, I got up bright and early to go to the dentist to be traumatized with plates and molds for a denture fitting, only to be told I need a left anterior maxillary alveoplasty and frenectomy before I can actually get my REAL teeth, so I've ordered a $740 pair of "interim" dentures, which should last about a year while I save up the other almost $2000 for the real ones. (YES, I have no teeth, thanks to a combination of heredity and MOUNTAIN DEW CONSUMPTION--don't let them fool you that oral hygiene makes all the difference cuz I brushed and flossed every day and still lost them, just like my momma and her momma and her momma before her--sometimes shit just happens, and I wasn't about to give up my Dew knowing they were gonna fall out eventually).

Later, I was talking to the lady at Shared Solutions about insurance benefits for my Copaxone injections and the phone went dead. I tried to grab the other handset before I lost the connection but it was gone. I beeped it and ran through the house looking for it. I could hear it but couldn't find the stupid thing. Eventually I found it under the bed. I should have known, that's where the phone belongs. Of course, the connection was gone. After I called her back and finished the conversation, I called up my old boss I've kept in touch with and letting her know about finally getting my diagnosis and, of course, my dental office trauma. Then THAT handset went dead. I was out of options, since the cell phone was also dead and charging. I don't need to talk on the phone anyhow.

I got a birthday card from my boss at the hospital, a happy birthday message from one of the other ladies in my department (there are 10 of us, including my boss), a happy birthday from the dentist and from the lady at Shared Solutions, and I'm still waiting for MY OWN DEAR HUSBAND to remember that today is something more than the opening day of deer hunting season and to bark at me about making sure I pay the electric bill (I didn't let the damn thing go up to $700 on my own, but he fails to take that into consideration, along with the fact that they didn't send us a bill for months when they changed our meter over then smacked us with a big-assed bill all at once). He'll get around to it, eventually, but I'd really like him to start the MORNING off with it instead of waiting until the end of the day.

Other than that, it's just a normal, regular day.

And what the hell is a frenectomy anyhow, you ask? Go read about it (mine's gonna be a "labial frenectomy," on the top.

I Got Nothin Today

But Becky's put up a good one today. Go check it out. I'd like to take credit for her work, but that would be. . . unethical. . . and not a very nice thing to do to my gal-pal there. Luvz ya, Bec!

Black Days

No words to describe how much mommy misses your sweet faces, infectious laughter, and gentle hearts. The tears never stop because of how much you are loved and missed, because thoughts of you never stop.

Q: How do you go on when the most important thing in your life has been violently carved out of it? A: Minute by minute, day by day, holding on to your most precious memories and knowing that someday you will be whole again, rather than obsessing on "what if" and "what could have been" and holding the picture of an empty future in your mind.

135 Days

It's been 135 days since the doctor's office visit that changed my life, the day I was informed my MRI scan showed brain lesions "consistent with multiple sclerosis." So 135 days, innumerable blood tests, 1 EMG, 1 swallowing function study, 1 lumbar puncture, and 1 visual evoked potential test later, I have finally gotten an "official" diagnosis: Yep, it's MS. Good thing to know it's all in my head and I just need to see a psychiatrist like I was told when my symptoms first came on.

There is no cure for multiple sclerosis. It's been studied for years and although more is known about it than ever before, no one knows what actually causes it--and, IMO, knowing what causes a disease is the first step towards finding a cure. BUT. . . there is treatment available to try to halt the progression of MS. This treatment will not repair the damage already there and will not give me back the use of my right arm and leg, but hopefully I won't lose the use of my left arm and leg and muscles of breathing any time soon.

Soon I will be starting Copaxone therapy. This is a daily injection given to try to prevent new lesions from occurring and to reduce flare-ups, worsening of symptoms or development of new symptoms. So just remember, if you don't come and visit me once in a while, every day when I am giving myself a shot, I will picture YOUR ass on the receiving end instead of my own. :)

Recall of the Week

Are they trying to kill our kids? Who is watching this stuff? If it's not food poisoning us, it's Aquadots or some other crap Big Business is peddling off on an unsuspecting public.

New Version of "Footprints"

Imagine you and the Lord are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace, but your footprints are a disorganized stream of zig-zags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling his consistently--you and the Lord are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to the Lord's are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones--you and the Lord are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints--they have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zig-zags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

Now you pray:

"Lord, I understand the first scene, with zig-zags and fits. I was a new person and I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me to learn to walk with you."

"That is correct."

"And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely."

"Very good. You have understood everything so far."

"When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way."

"Precisely."

"So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separate, and this time it was worse than the first."

There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice, "You didn't know? It was then that we danced!"

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to weep,
A time to laugh,
A time to mourn, and
A time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

It's Simple Arithmetic. . . Really

I've always sucked at math. I hate math. I hate math so much, I actually spent years of my life in college learning. . . accounting. Makes sense, huh? I was so bad, everyone laughed when they heard me muttering obscenities with every equation. And in accounting, it was never the $3,000,000 mistakes that got me, either. Those are usually pretty easy to find, unless some motherfucker decided to embezzle when they found out a mathtard was keeping the books. No, my problem was the $0.03 mistakes. You got it. THREE LOUSY CENTS. I took a payroll class and during the final exam couldn't get my ledgers to balance, off by 3 frigging cents. At the end of the night I handed it in anyhow, with 3 pennies stuck inside.

The instructor was NOT impressed.

After about 3 years of self-inflicted torture in Math for Business, Algebra, Statistics, Calculus (don't ask my why I took THAT, it wasn't even on the course list and it was an entirely traumatic experience*), Cost and Intermediate Accounting and even Payroll Accounting, I switched majors to Allied Health Administration. Of course, that fucking math followed me around like a bad stank so I groveled and the Dean of my division transferred most of my accounting courses in to cover the credits I needed. I guess she figured I'd been tortured enough seeing as how I had patches of hair missing from my head. I earned that degree; the very first, in fact, since it was a new program and I transferred so much course work in.

You wanted to know that, didn't you, that I might be an administrator at a hospital? At YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL? (*evil laugh*)

Don't worry. I'm not. Although I stuck it out and finished the program (only racking up $18,000+ in student loans by the end of my tenure as a student) I ended up not working in administration of ANY sort, health care or otherwise. I landed a job for my internship in a gynecologist's office and stuck around there until he decided to go and retire. Then I worked in a cardiology office and started up my own transcription business on the side. In all my spare time, I worked as a cashier at a general store, but the register didn't calculate change and I kept fucking it up so I didn't last long there. Now I just sit in front of my computer 16 to 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, doing transcription. There's not much math involved there, so it's all good.

Anyhow, I had a point here. I've invented a new math, and it's called Math for Rebels. It's entirely pictorial, so there's no number crunching involved and you don't even need a calculator.

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!

*I have a hearing impairment and read lips to help me understand what I "think" I hear. The dude who taught this class SPOKE WITHOUT MOVING HIS LIPS. He had a heavy Tanzanian accent to begin with and it was worse because I couldn't find the shapes on his mouth. He kept talking and talking, and I was reduced to tears by the end of the first class. One of my partners-in-torture found me bawling in the parking lot (smart place to be in Flint at 10 at night) and after I explained what the problem was, helped me get through the class.

Aggravated Assault With

Cookies? Where do people come up with these ideas? Just imagine how great the world would be if people with this kind of creativity would put it to GOOD use instead of stupidity.

You Should See My Inbox

Do I ever get some doozies! I have hundreds to share but only time for one today so here goes:

BLESS MOTHERS WHO DRUGGED US!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question: "Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied: I had! a drug problem when I was young:

I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.

I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was dry by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.

I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds and cockelburs out of dad's fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

Louise

I Thought My Eyes Were Deceiving Me

When I looked around and thought that peoples' asses were not only getting larger but that the number of those large asses has increased. Michigan ranks 44 in prevalence of obesity with 28.8% of the population being obese, compared to 14.1% in 1990. At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, and then I thought maybe it was due to dissatisfaction with my own exponentially larger ass, projecting onto other people. Now I see that it really is the case. In only 17 years, we've more than doubled the percentage of the population who are obese.

Consider the medical ramifications of this: More diabetes, more hypertension, more respiratory difficulties, more musculoskeletal disorders. Big Pharma and Sisters are going to have a high time with this trend, though: More medications for obesity-related health disorders, more medications for weight loss efforts, more diet programs and related products, more bariatric surgeries, more money, more money, more money.

This might explain why every time I go into Wal-Mart to buy some clothes, the only sizes I can find are either XS or 3XL, and nothing in between. Back in the "good old days" I never saw anything larger than XL hanging on the racks (my size preference due to my breast. . . "problems". . . they're too damn big). I guess I either have to lose some weight and get my boobs cut off so I can wear the XS or eat some more Twinkies so I can fit in the 3XL. I could just go back to making my own clothes, but that sounds a lot like WORK.

A Day Off

I saw this floating around back in the Dark Ages when I first started working (away from the farm and for actual taxable money, ya know?). I couldn't resist and had to scam a copy, filed it away and forgot about it for, oh, just about 20-odd years.

I found it.

You're gonna LOVE this one!

"A DAY OFF"

So you want a day off.  Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work.
There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have
2 days off per week, leaving 261 day available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work,
you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break.
That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only
68 days available.
With a one-hour lunch period each day, you have
used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for
work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave.
This leaves you only 20 days available for work.
We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available
working time is down to 15 days
We generously give you 14 days of vacation per year,
which leaves only 1 day available for work,
and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!!!

Recall of the Week

Seems we've had so many recalls on products and foods lately, it's just ordinary news. Here's our recall of the week, Frozen Pizzas.

If it's not news about recalls for contaminated food, it's news about the next outbreak of MRSA. Hitting a little close to home with a recent area school closing.

Just where are we driving ourselves here, people? I used to hear rumors about the downfall of civilization due to HIV/AIDS, but I notice that isn't in the news much any more. Recalls and MRSA sure are taking a lot of headlines, though. Ahh, the times are a-changin.

Future of America

Unbelievable. A whole collection of stupidity all packed into just about 4 minutes.

5 W's and an H

Some more "reevaluating" going on here, folks. Bear with me. Sometimes I'm a little (OK, a lot) hard-headed and feel compelled to pick apart every detail, and this self-analysis is no exception. It's been one of the most difficult things I've ever done and certainly the most revealing.

Who?

I'm just me. No more, no less. It took a long time to come to grips with the fact that I needed to be ME and not who everyone else wanted me to be, learning to be comfortable with who I am, accepting the fact that there was nothing wrong with being me, and moving on with my life as the best person I could be. Sometimes I fail and that's OK, too, as long as I learn along the way. The failures are as much a part of me as the successes, and the experience of those failures and what I've learned from them makes me a better person. I've also learned that I need to allow others in my life to have the same presence of being that I expect for myself: They are who they are and I should not try to change them into what I want them to be but accept them as they are and see that they are still a part of me.

What?
I am many things, but of great value to me is that fact that I am and will forever be a mom, daughter, sister, wife--not always the best, I admit, but I can and will try to do better. I will hold my children in my heart always, even after they've spread their own wings. I'm too big to curl up on dad's lap, but I can still tell him I love him. I'd give my left arm (you know, the FUNCTIONING one) to be able to give one last hug to my mom and tell her that I love her. Having gained acceptance of myself and others, I have fallen in love with my husband all over again.

When?
Right now. I can't live in the past, but I can learn from it. I can't live only for the future, but we need dreams and goals to get from one day to the next. We need to be honorable in forming those goals and fulfilling those dreams, not full of vindictiveness and pettiness, cruelty and hatred, selfishness and greed. I honestly feel I can say I lay no claim to these motivations myself but know individuals in whom these lie at their very core and with recent events, I need to be careful I don't follow that path or I will have become the same as them. That's not the future I want to live for, the present I want to find myself in, or the past I want to be remembered by.

Where?
Right here, holding out my hand, asking you to hold it. I cannot withdraw inside myself, hiding from harm. I've found that by hiding, I am missing the wonders in life; and harm seeks you out in other ways, so there is no escaping it anyhow. The risks outweigh the benefits, I guess. Enjoy what you have while you have it because it won't be around forever.

Why?
I've learned recently I need to stop asking this question so much. It's the bane of my existence, always wanting to know the WHY of things, and sometimes there is no answer that any PERSON can provide. I need to keep my faith in God's plan and someday he will reveal the WHY to me, and only THEN will my quest for knowledge be complete.

How?
Take my hand and walk with me on this journey. I see that I cannot go it alone. I give my soul to the Lord, but I give my friendship to you. I know I need to turn to Him in my hour of need for strength and courage and wisdom, but if He didn't want us to draw on each other as well, would He have put us all here together in the first place?

Reevaluation

I've had a lot of time to think these past few weeks--not really considering my life decisions with regret, just making a reevaluation and thinking about where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.

Part of me loves to analyze, criticize, and hypothesize and I've made a mission of finding ways to make things better, more efficient, more productive, or just more fun. I finally see that it is long past time I sat down and did exactly that with regards to ME instead of the people, places, and things around me. Had I done this years ago, I might have realized a few things (among others):

• I spend too much time trying to do things or effect changes on my own instead of asking for help from or delegating responsibility to others.
• I spend too much time trying to control each aspect of my life, sometimes questioning God's plan for me and often trying to cut my own trail through life's jungle instead of "following the beaten path" (regardless of whether that path is wide or narrow, I want to go my own way even if it's directly through thorny bushes).
  
• I spend too much time thinking and analyzing and not enough time laughing and loving.
• I focus too much on trivial things and not enough on those that truly matter, not realizing that those things, taking up so much of my focus, are things I might be better off without in the first place and in the end diminish the important ones.
  
• I have not appreciated enough the people I love/d and that love/d me in return, unconditionally, and the gifts I had been bestowed until they were gone.

I don't know what part of the "grieving process" this is or if it's just a wake-up call, but I see now that it is time to listen, understand, and make the changes I need to in order to move on with my life. Yet another chapter closed, pen in hand, waiting to see what the next chapter will bring.

I have been an iceberg all my time, but the warm salty seas have lapped at my sides and diminished my former proud presence, leaving me drowning in a sea of tears and seemingly no land in sight. The land is there, I just need to open my inner eyes to really "see" it. It may not be lush and green--it may be rocky and steep--but it IS there.

Lessons I've learned:
Learn.
Laugh.
Most importantly, love.
And it only took me 35 years to learn them.


God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Psalm 46:1-2

I See What It Takes Now!

AHA, that last post actually elicited some responses! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

OK, folks, if you liked that one, here we go with some more.

These are some more folks you really need to check out:

Shannon
Christy
Vanessa
Phil
Ev
Dorky Dad

Go on, click the links. You know you WANNA.

Good Grief

I was enjoying a while back readers coming and going quite regularly and leaving me comments (which I absolutely ADORE since I'm a comment freak). Then my life turned upside down with my MRI scan followed my sad, pitiful life being smashed on the concrete a few weeks ago and I dropped out of circulation for a while. So sorry about that. Truly I am.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of back, a little bit, somewhat, in spirit if not in body - so where the heck did the readers go? I know some of you are still coming around but lawdy do I miss you folks!

If I've offended anyone, sorry about that, too (not really because this is MY soapbox but you get the point - it's mostly in good fun anyhow and poo-poo on you if you can't take it - hee hee). Get your butts back here for pity sake, make me feel like I'm useful to SOMEONE out there in this horrific world.

Anyhoo. . . Even if you don't feel an overwhelming desire to come and check out the train wreck that is my life, you really should go visit some of these people (and many more, but I only have about 10 minutes to do this post):

Count and Ms. Count
Jo
Dazd
Becky
Dawn
Diamondssaphire
Diesel
Annie
Karly

Go. See them. They have good stuff. You should also visit every single one of the blogs in my pull-downs on the side. Yes. Just go, and have some fun!

Future of America

Yeah, talk about home-grown idiots. Makes me proud to be an American, where we breed and raise this kind of walking, talking feces to be the "future of America." Shoot me now.

New Email

MY QUILT

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment,
I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles.
An angel sat before each of us, sewing our quilt squares together
into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile,
I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult,
the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me.
Nobody else had such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries
were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed,
held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth.
The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries.
So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.
I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes.
I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth,
and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it.
I had to start over many times.
I often struggled with the temptation to quit,
only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again.
I spent many nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully,
each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not
melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those
who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth.
My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air.
I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes.
He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me,
it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me
shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life....
it's up to you to decide who you let walk away,
who you let stay,
and who you refuse to let go.'

I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that
God is all you need.

Becoming an Illegal Alien

I got this in my email a while back, and I found it very. . . interesting. Time to take back the USA, folks.


The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver' s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!

B-B-B-Buggin

I've been completely buggin the last few days. My mouse wasn't working right (it was moving the cursor up and down but not side to side, and it's clean inside so no clue what happened there) so I put a cheap junk one on the computer that I had laying around. Exactly 38 seconds later, the scroll wheel fell inside the mouse between the right and left click buttons. Talk about a piss-me-off kind of thing to have happen. I use my scroll wheel A LOT. I was trying to deal with it, use it as a "regular" mouse without the scroll wheel, but it wasn't going very well and there were a lot of tears shed on my part (and more than a few cuss words).

Anyhoo. . . Mom-law was up visiting and (I think it was her, anyhow) got me a brand-new mouse at Wal-Mart. It is wireless and I was worried that it wouldn't work with my KVM switch (yeah, I have multiple computers for my multiple jobs--don't roll your eyes at me). I hooked it up, though, and it worked fine. I'm feeling much better now, cruising along with my little wheel.

If only the other problems in my life were so easily solved.

What's Up With That?

Am I the only one noticing the massive numbers of product recalls the last few months? I know I barked about this before, but it seems like they've increased even more since then.

Be careful of what you eat, you could get a dangerous bacteria and get very sick and possibly die. Be careful of what medications you take, you could have a heart attack and die. Be careful of what products you purchase for your child, they could be hurt or die. Be careful what you feed your dog or cat, he could get sick and die. Honestly, who's watching over this stuff?

Pot pies, Baby Yoplait, pet food, hamburger, baby cribs, children's toys, green beans, defibrillators, infant medicines. What's next? It's not just what you eat anymore, either. Defibrillators placed for heart function? Cribs to put babies to sleep in? Toys for children to play with?

Again begging the question, how long are we safe?

Thoughts from Archie

That was one funny guy, Archie Bunker--calling them as he saw them. Now, Archie said a lot of stuff he shouldn't have, but some of the stuff that did come out of his mouth made you laugh because of how blunt and real-world it was (and still is). The way he slaughtered words was my favorite though.

Entertainment is a thing of the past. Today we've got television.

I got nothing against mankind. It's people I can't stand.

I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence.

If you liberals keep getting your way, we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A goin' straight down the toilet.

There's nothing wrong with revenge. It's the best way to get even!

Like the Good Book says: "Let him who is without sin be the rolling stone."

Future of America

Or what about these guys? Maybe with any luck, the one who racks his nuts won't be producing any offspring to do this kind of stuff.

Future of America

Yeah, these ass-hats take the cake (and probably tried to smoke the damn thing, too).

Not Enough of These in the World

Driving through town and see Little Caesar's has put a new sign up:

NOW HIRING ASS MANAGER

Yeah. I guess there aren't enough ass managers in the world, Caesar's needs to go look for some more.

(Yes, I know they mean "assistant" manager, but come on, they couldn't be bothered to hang another "T" on the fucking sign? Lazy and stupid, so they really MUST need an ass manager, or else it was just one of the idiot kids in town fucking with the sign, so who really knows?)

Hope for the Best

Hope for the best, expect the worst. I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl. At least, I used to be until the past few weeks.

Lately I've become a glass-smashed-on-concrete-and-shards-kicked-around kind of person. If I just give up hope and have no positive expectations (especially "good always triumphs over evil"--I think THAT'S a crock of shit now, too), and just embrace the fact that the worst will happen, PERIOD, there might be a chance it will not completely destroy my soul when I am finally smashed and kicked around like the proverbial glass. The worst part of the destruction of one's soul isn't it's actual demise (at least not from this chair), it's the process the destroyer puts the destroyee through to crush them BEFORE stomping them to dust.

I have my faith in God but have lost my faith in humanity. How can any of us have faith in this beast called "man" when we continue to be evil to each other, allow it to continue and even perpetuate it by turning a blind eye? "It's not my problem." "It doesn't concern me." We fail to realize, though, that it DOES concern us and it IS our problem if we have the power to stop it and we do nothing. We're not civilized, and I think there's little hope for mankind as a whole.

I don't like feeling like this, not at all. It goes against the very nature of every fiber in my being. I've been talking to God a lot, and I sure hope he is listening. I've got a pretty big mouth and a pretty big heart and a pretty big soul, so I think he can't help but hear me. That's probably why the destruction is so painful, since I have so much "where it counts" and it takes a lot more work to tear someone like me down, so the tearing just hurts that much more.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. It's probably tacky to ask but I need help right now and am asking for you to hold my hand.

Lots of love,
A.

Thoughts From Jules

Well, I'm a mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker.

Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.

Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

Hamburgers. The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.

I'll just walk the earth. . . You know, walk the earth, meet people. . . get into adventures. Like Caine from "Kung Fu."

Still Alive and Kicking

I'm still alive but having the most difficult and trying time I've ever been through in my life. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and am very thankful for my Lord and my friends to help me right now. Sorry to be so vague, but it's a long and horrific story that I pray comes to a peaceful ending soon and I will be able to share more with you sometime.

Until then, thank you again for your support and encouragement and one of these days we'll all sit around and I'll share my Mountain Dew and Cheetos and we'll catch up on everything I've missed.

Future of America

Yet more proof that stupid people shouldn't breed.

Thinking of the Holidays

I stopped over to visit Santa at his Wish Tree site and came across this wonderful poem. "Will you share? Will you help?" It got me to thinking about another Christmas poem my folks-in-law sent me a link to a while back, Teach The Children, about Santa and the meaning of Christmas. It's very moving to see great blogs like Santa's, ones that have a purpose beyond the limited use I've put my own to.

It's hard to believe September is flying by and Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner (*gag* and another birthday) with a New Year right on their tails. Where is the time going?

When It Rains. . .

Miss-thing (big girl) lost another tooth today at school. Thankfully the teacher put it in an envelope and put it in her backpack to bring home. It's her "lucky lost tooth." The kid's turning this into a regular money-making venture. My little entrepreneur.

Three of the kids went back to school yesterday (THANK YOU, LORD). Middle girl's school starts next week (she goes to a school in a different district because they offer a hearing-impaired program) but her start gets kicked off later than that since she's going in for heart surgery next week. Say a prayer, keep your fingers crossed, keep us in your thoughts, whatever method of well-wishing floats your boat, please. AND. . . my littlest girl is being tested for preschool this Friday, and she can't WAIT to start school so she can ride the bus like "Sissy."

My nest is feeling emptier by the day, and my uterus has gone from chanting to shrieking at my fickle ovaries. I'm a mess, but you already knew that, didn't you? Guess I'd better talk to my neurologist at my appointment next week (finally, 6 weeks after my MRI). I've read that MS symptoms tend to go into remission during pregnancy, so I'm trying to convince hubby-man to keep me barefoot and pregnant as long as possible. He's having a stroke, of course. Hey, if God wants me to have more babies, He'll make my uterus and ovaries keep on working. Look at Jim Bob and Michelle.

Oh Yeah, Uh-huh - WOOOOO!

Couldn't be truer if I do say so myself. Must be the gallons of Mountain Dew I willingly submit myself to every day. I'M ALL JACKED UP ON THE STUFF! LOL

This is actually pretty dang amusing.

A whole 94%?????

You Are 94% Non Conformist

You're incredibly strange. And a weirdness like yours takes skill to cultivate! No one really understands you. And you're cool with that. You just hope you never have to understand them!

Are You a Nonconformist?

Good News for the UP

Finally, the blaze in Michigan's Upper Peninsula is coming under control. Over 18,000 acres and $6 million later, this is the 3rd largest fire in state history. It's very sad, thinking about the thousands of acres of woodland gone up in smoke in an area I've frequented dozens of times including the Tahquamenon Falls area, where hubby-man and I went for our "honeymoon."

Have I Got a Cure For You

I have the answer to world peace. I can eliminate hunger across the globe, wipe out unemployment, and make the health care access crisis a distant memory. I can stamp out child abuse and domestic violence. I can clean up crime, drugs, and abuse of firearms. I can eliminate the National Debt and all manner of financial woes. You name it, I can fix it. I have the answer.

The answer is gonna piss a lot of people off, but it's the answer nonetheless. It's too bad the ones carrying the wallet of the world get to make the decisions, since they make them based on what's going to put more in that wallet instead of what's best for the future of humanity.

Thoughts From Ross

H. Ross Perot, of course.

Now the average citizen can't relate to a billion or a trillion. A million dollars in thousand-dollar bills is a stack of 1000$ bills, four inches high. A billion dollars in 1000$ bills is 300 feet high. A trillion dollars in 1000$ bills extends from the top of [this] table to 63 miles out in space.

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river.

Your country is like your children. It's fundamentally important that you love them, but you need to work on any problems that come along.

We don't like government business. We don't do any business direct with the government. Because to the government a horse is an animal with four legs, a head, and a tail, whether it's a jack-ass or a race horse.

We've got a patient whose heart has stopped beating and has broken fingers and toes, and all the politicians want to talk about is the fingers and toes. I want to go straight to the heart.

When the history of junk bonds is written, I think the fist sentence should be, 'Junk bonds, by definition, were junk.

Versatility in a Nifty Four-Letter Package

I love the word "fuck." I sprinkle it over my conversations when I get upset, angry, or just plain excited. It's the perfect "sentence enhancer" (thank you, Patrick Star) and makes your language very colorful indeed. The secret is knowing when to stifle it and when to let it roar. (I have a huge mouth and have a really hard time stifling, and those little fuckers tend to slip out from time to time without my control. I'm actually shocked that I don't use it here more, but whatever.) Yeah, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of the conversation.

I've seen this floating around in various versions for the better part of 20-some years, but this is one of the more up-to-date, all-encompassing, and best laid out versions I've seen describing the versatility and uses of the word "fuck." If you're offended by the word, by all means, DO NOT CLICK THE LINK.

I Love My Job

I really, really do. It's one of the few jobs I can think of that doesn't take a degree in rocket science and still keeps you on your toes, where you learn something new every single day. Mostly I love this job for what are considered "bloopers," sometimes caught by the person dictating and sometimes not. I've been doing this type of job for, oh, the past 19 years in different fields, predominantly medical and legal (and often the two go hand-in-hand). You can't help but giggle when you hear someone cussing in the background or even right into the microphone. You have to literally laugh out loud when you hear them say something completely off the wall and unexpected, realize what they've said, and then follow it up with "Oh, shit, take that out." Sometimes you have to shake your head in disbelief that someone would say something so blatantly hilarious without having that intention.

A few of my favorite snippets from the years have included:

• "She was struck with another cheerleader while at cheerleader camp." (How the hell do you strike someone with a cheerleader?)
• "The patient's sister died at age 100 of unknown causes." (I would guess OLD AGE or NATURAL CAUSES, but anyhow).
• "He is just so arrogant, it is hard to believe him." (ROFL)
• "He/she complains of [...]. She/he has been having symptoms of [...]. He/she will undergo [...]" (referring to a trans-gendered patient in the process of sex change - ummm, I think I would have settled on the sex the patient was converting to, rather than "he/she")
• "The patient complains he smells bad...Wait, no, that's not right...The patient complains his sense of smell is bad." (Do we really wanna go there?)
• "Ah, shit, I don't know what I'm saying. Just make me sound good." (Sometimes easier said than done, but I love ya anyhow)
  
• "Angie, you know what the hell I'm saying, so just put it in there." (I get paid to mind read now, too? Where's the frigging bonus check?)
  

WOW

Have I had a lot to say or a have I had a lot to say? Yet very little of it that made much sense or mattered very much. Interesting.

I'm sitting here pondering the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything (which is 42, if you didn't know). Sitting and watching my cat from the corner of my eye and thinking about grilled cat. Yes, she needs to be grilled up. She's sitting here licking the condensation off the side of my Mountain Dew bottle when she's got a perfectly good bowl of water sitting there. Unless she's a Dew addict like me and I managed to dribble some down the side of the bottle when I poured myself a glass and THAT'S what she's licking . . . In that case, I guess she can't be grilled. Sneaking up on her prey:

BUSTED! Is this a look of guilt, or what? It actually looks kind of menacing, like "get outta my face, beyotch!" Fierce, huh? Mice tremble in her presence. And birds. And squirrels. And small snakes. She's weird.

Swamped, Sorry

Too much work, too little time, I’ll post tomorrow. Till then visit Count. Nah, I'm just kidding. I do have too much work and too little time, but I can't guarantee I'll post tomorrow so I had better do it today. Seriously, you really should go visit Count and Mrs. Count when you have a chance, though. You should also visit some of the other awesome blogs I like to read, easily found in my sidebar pull-down menus.

Did you ever get that as a kid? I'd ask my mom something and she'd tell me to ask my dad. I'd ask my dad, and he'd tell me to ask my mom. It was a vicious circle. I was smart enough to figure out to stop asking them stuff since I already knew the answer they'd give me and have always hated repeating myself and/or wasting my breath. I stuck my face in books to find the answers I wanted. I know not everyone loves to read, though, so I don't mind answering questions. My philosophy is, the only dumb questions are the ones you don't ask. Go ahead and ask me anything; if I don't know the answer, I'll make one up for you.

Anyhow, I'm soooooo delinquent on some stuff here, so let's try to clear some up now while I'm just sitting here, unable to sleep and unable to concentrate to work or even read a good book.

In order of oldest age (not cuz I think you're old, but because yours is the oldest tag I've neglected; you know I love ya, Ev, and not like that!):
Ev from My Life is Murphy's law tagged me with a 10 Things I Hate Meme:

1. Food I hate: OMG, I hate liver, too! It's just nasty in flavor and texture and has a rather disturbing appearance in its raw form, yet still surprisingly aesthetically disturbing in cooked form. Why is that?
2. Fruit I hate: I can't stand grapefruit. I'm such a banana. Oh, wait. . . I'm an iceberg. Whatever.
3. Veggie I hate: Lima beans. I was traumatized by lima beans as a child. Again, that flavor and texture thing. And the trauma.
   
4. Celebrities/People I hate: I can't say I hate anyone in particular, but I sure am sickened by some of the things people do.
5. Event/Situation/Incident that I hate: The loss of much of the use the right side of my body. I'm right handed and it's a bitch trying to learn to do things left handed. I'm too damn old to learn new tricks.
6. TV shows/movies that I hate: Ummmm. . . I don't really know. I rarely get very far into any program or movie before I become unconscious, so I don't know what I hate or what I love. Neiner, neiner neiner!
   
7. Music I hate: Music with derogatory/hateful lyrics.
8. Household chores that I hate: Much like Ev, NOT MY DEPARTMENT. I bring home the bacon, I don't cook it and I sure as hell don't clean up after it's cooked. That's my "wife's" job (yeah, *snicker* my wife. Go ahead and call him that like I do and see how many finger gestures NOT related to American Sign Language you get! ROFL)
9. Things that you hate around the world: "The world" consists of me and what is mine (yes, that includes YOU, my readers) and I don't hate anything about what belongs to me other than my traitorous central nervous system.
10. Things that you hate about yourself: "Nothing. I’m perfect." *DOUBLE SNORT* Yeah, I'm perfect, too. Inside, where it counts. Other than that, please see above.

Thanks, Ev, this was fun! Now, if you liked this meme, consider yourself tagged.

NEXT UP is my blog-sis Diamond over at Nonsense, Tears. . . , who has tagged me with the Seven P's of Me: WVb A blog about everything and more created this meme called the 7 P's in an effort to learn more about the blogs they read on a regular basis.

• Passion: My children
  
• Purpose: Changing things for the better when I am able and accepting those that I cannot
  
• Pursuit: (Passion + Purpose = Pursuit)
  
• Position: Society's going down the shitter, so someone better either flush or grab a plunger
  
• Pummeling: Abuse of the government by the government for the government
• Progress: Two steps forward and three steps back; at this rate, I should be in China by Easter 2008
  
• Personality: I'm just me, and if someone doesn't like it, TOUGH NOODLES
  

Thanks for the linky love, Jo. Right back at ya, hon. Yeah, we're too much alike. We even look alike, if I had blonde hair, green eyes, a different nose, a smaller mouth. . .

And last but certainly not least, I LOVE TWISTED SISTERS! OMG, thank you so, so much for this totally awesome Luv Badge. I love yours, too! I'm so addicted to it, I've gotta have it in my feed reader (along with all the other blogs above in this post - go ahead, READ THEM!) and several others. I can't tear myself up by choosing more blogs I love to pass this on to, so I award it to everyone I love.

I love that you love my blog. I love that you actually keep coming back for more of my psychological diarrhea. Now it's time for me to go feel all fuzzy and warm inside (a new experience for someone as crusty as me) from all the love y'all keep throwing my way.

It's kind of weird, glowing from something that doesn't involve a mental picture of my husband getting kicked in the nads by a pair of steel-toed boots.