That's That - And All That

First, I will share a bit of advice once given to me by a "friend," something I have tried to keep in mind:

Second, yes, yes, yes and yes. Focus on what matters and the rest will work itself out. I know, trite and cliche but seriously: the things you can change, you will and the rest (specifically other people and their habits) will take care of themselves, for good, better or indifferent.

It is time to focus on what matters, so the rest has a chance to work itself out. I despise talking to walls, even more than banging my head against them. You are just one pissed off person, stuck in a shit-spreader mindset. No amount of digging will get you out, so I set down my shovel. Dig yourself out, should you choose. I still offer my hand in friendship; it is up to you to take it.

* * * * *

Are you even kidding me? So, to make sure I understand, being able to correctly quote 70s sitcoms would somehow make him qualified to be a black president? Right. Right. Got it.

Are YOU even kidding ME? Where did I say quoting sitcoms had ANYTHING to do with being qualified as President - black, white, or polka-dotted? No wonder your "understanding" of what I say is distorted, you wringing shit like on laundry day. To make sure *I* understand, simply being "black" makes him qualified? Then why not Alan Keyes? Or Cynthia McKinney?

I am not even going to touch the rest of that statement because yeah, that theory holds true; the mess that Bush is leaving behind has obviously sullied all other white men from becoming President. Oh, except for McCain, apparently.

You know ALL my innermost thoughts! After all, you combed my entire fucking blog looking for insults to hurl. I suppose it IS possible you missed the choice words I had for EACH politician (a few special ones reserved for the dingleberries in Michigan), and color has not a damned thing to do with it. I do not recall hearing you bitch while I shat on Hillary.... Bush has done a spectacular job fucking up this country, in his own special way (Texas style, where everything is big). John McCain is a doorknob, offered by the party SPECIFICALLY to ensure Barack Obama would be elected; he clearly did NOT want to be there, and I did not particularly want him there, either (there is a reason I vote independent).

So. The actions of one black man speak for all black men, black people actually but white people are judged singularly by their own actions. Got it.

You are telling me that some bunch of asstards will NOT take a fuck-up by a black President (or Hispanic, or Oriental) and jump to asinine frames of reference about ALL black people? I call bullshit. Think Tuskegee and tell me again attitudes and shit bubbling up are no deeper than just below the surface. I will not sit here and say "I don't notice color" or "I'm colorblind." I DO notice a person's color - and I see a rainbow pleasing to the eye and to the imagination. A man (or woman) will be judged by the content of his character and not the color of his skin. I give a shit less about your opinion of me. I am not here to please you, and I do not spend nights awake, crying because you think poorly of me. I take responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings, not yours and not others.

As for the rest, I am truly and honestly sorry you lost your mom and have a chronic disease. Nobody chooses either of those things; I didn't choose to lose my son or have chronic, incurable MRSA.

First, you say I *did* choose my circumstances, now you say I did not, a moment from now you say again that I did. That smacks of talking out both sides of the mouth and more despicable than what you have attributed to me. I never asked for pity, only friendship.

But what you have revealed about yourself is that while you judge other people extremely harshly and talk a good 'line' about you are different, you have always spoke your mind and taken up for yourself, none of that is actually true.

I thought you were spewing shit on me - twice - for saying what was on my mind (and taking up for myself)? If you are referring to my personal choices, AGAIN I say, you know little about me, my choices and circumstances, who I am. Untrue that I take up for myself? By choosing not to be steamrolled by "It's all in your head," (a decision that would have had far more devastating consequences to my family, my health, and my LIFE), I have not taken up for myself? By choosing not to be steamrolled by anger and manipulation of my words, I have not taken up for myself?

Everything you have attributed to your 'husband', years worth of using you, abusing, taking advantage of you, not being a father to any of his children, speaks to someone not lacking just in self esteem but in the ability to care for themselves, much less the lives of others. I have every sympathy, real and true, for women who are stuck in untenable situations, dependent on support from an abusive spouse but the way you tell it is that he provides nothing except infidelity, abuse, baby mama drama and sucks the life directly from you and also contributes gladly to you losing your children. And yet, you stay. And continue to pass judgment on others in situations far less within their own control.

I am criticized for "harshly judging" others, yet knowing part of the story, based upon a handful of blog posts (influenced by your own inner rage), YOU are allowed to harshly judge me? "Right. Right. Got it." I lack self-esteem, incapable of caring for myself and others, because of a stated refusal to be beat by my disease? Anger at needing modifications - yet STILL seeking a way to keep my ass out of a wheelchair? Standing up to the state, proving their abuses and getting my children back? These are hallmark traits of one incapable of caring for oneself and others? "Right. Right. Got it." Yes, I am a harsh critic, of others but also of myself, in no uncertain terms, dismissed because it does not fit your argument. This entire statement is nothing but bullying and little different than a woman who tells a vulnerable girl the world would be better of if she were dead.

Your double standard is showing.
~~You gut me like a fish for staying with a wandering dick when you have done the same, yours proven, mine suspicion; yours the result of selfishness, mine of physical disability; your reasons for staying a multi-post series demanding respect for your choice, mine irrelevant as I am clearly capable of "escaping" my situation yet "choosing" to stay (while ignoring my disability).
~~You tell tales about your crackhead sister (who is "good people") dropping "baby mama drama" into your lap, failing to acknowledge that you allow her to abuse you and your family (especially her own children), and you are a saint. I tell tales of a useless piece of flesh inflicting evil upon all in her life (especially her own children) with the willing help of CPS, and I am incapable of caring for my children.
~~You have "kind" words for your MIL (and others who piss you off) and an "it's all about me" attitude, spewing rage onto a page; I vent, and it becomes painfully obvious that I lack self-esteem. "Right. Right. Got it."

And stop it already with the driving into a tree; suicidal ideation is nothing new to me and it's much easier to daydream about dying than it is to actually do something about your life, your depression (oh, and I know, I know, mental illness doesn't exist according to you/it's over diagnosed/doesn't apply to you).

Maybe I need to speak slowly: My choice was NOT to keep looking at the tree. Your daydreams may revolve around dying, but mine are about running in the yard with my kids. I never said mental illness does not exist or apply to me but in that particular instance (a lazy practitioner with a catch-all excuse as the SOLE reason for my symptoms), it was not; and I was correct. Every human condition, feeling, and action is defined in the DSM-IV. Homosexuality had once been there. Smoking, stuttering, and gender identity are STILL there. Every criminal with a soundbite on TV is suffering mental illness. You REALLY think it is not over-diagnosed and abused? Again, I call bullshit.

Finally, abandoning his 'blackness'? Are you even fucking kidding me? It's not a dress or an accessory.

I wonder: Would Walter Francis White have agreed with that amazing assessment? Or slaves forced by circumstance to do EXACTLY that? This may not seem in the same line of thought, but it actually is.

It's part of who he is and were he not the next potential President of the United States, he would just be another black guy that people of a certain mindset would cross the street to avoid. ''Abandon'' his blackness. I cannot even wrap my head around that thought process.

No, it is NOT part of who he is - at least, not the way it is for many black Americans. He is not the descendant of black slaves but of white slave owners, and he has tenuous ties at best with his black half. Seeing in his speeches how he turns it on and off, I find it plausible that he would, in fact, turn his back on blacks (and anyone else, for that matter) if it served his interests. (With this would be my thoughts on his inability to differentiate between Redd Foxx and Sherman Hemsley and why I think he is a racist, but that might be too intense for you.) Only time will tell, and hopefully I will be wrong. For the record, though, you have just backed up my point with "people of a certain mindset." The ones who will start bullshit, judging an entire race of people on some head-shoved-up-the-ass generalization about those of color.

And no, none of that is okay or excused because your boss is a dick, your husband is abusive, your mother died, you have an illness or because others have said worse. You said the shit, own it and stop playing the blame game.

It is neither asked nor expected to be "excused." You talk out both sides of your mouth. Events affect and shape how we think and feel and act; all of us, not just you. You let nothing go, bitch and moan and blame others, always "me, me, me." Your rage seems to have no end. I needed to vent. This is my blog and, as evident by the URL, my bitchbox. If you do not like what I say, LEAVE. No one is forcing you to read here. I do not come to your blog and crawl up your asshole for what you have said and how you have said it, so you might try having a bit of the same respect for me. I said it, I never denied I said it, my fucking name is on it, so I think it is pretty clear that I am "owning" it.

THE THINGS I CAN CHANGE, I WILL; AND THE REST (SPECIFICALLY, OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR HABITS) WILL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, FOR GOOD, BETTER, OR INDIFFERENT.

When You're Wrong

You're definitely wrong. But when you're right, you're still just as wrong, MAYBE EVEN MORE SO.

Ummm.... What the fuck? I mean, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? (We'll be right back with the answer to that and much more, after this brief message from our sponsor.)

My latest project: American Worker Exposed - Anthology; a collection of stories spanning my working life, milkmaid to bartender, receptionist to small-business owner, and a few other things along the way....

brevity and longevity, a little levity to pass the time....

documenting my metamorphosis from a loud-mouth asshole kid....
....to a more cautious, thoughtful, and tactful adult....
....and eventually to a loud-mouth asshole adult....

and the absurdity of hiring someone who is actually capable of independent thought.

Highlights include:

• Tales from the Barnyard - Some people are cut out for farm work, and some are not. I am of the latter group. Of all the cows I've dealt with in my life, my "favorite" was a Hereford named "Hamburger." Years after her mission of giving me grief began, she lived up to her name and I.relished.every.bite. Contrary to popular belief, Revenge is a dish best served hot on a bun with cheese.
• Say That Again, Please, I Still Don't Got It - Tutoring and mentoring are rewarding and fulfilling endeavors but can also be trying to your patience, especially when you've just been reduced to drawing the explanation to "Sam and Debbie leave Atlanta at 6 p.m., Sam driving 58 miles per hour and Debbie 55 miles per hour...." on a piece of paper and your pupil still "don't got it" because "It's about caaaars, man, I don't do no caaaars," and not about boards and half pipes and other shit you have no idea what the fuck it is and having nothing to do with algebra anyhow. Talk about exercises in creativity.
  
• If These Speculi Could Talk - Have you ever wondered what REALLY goes on at the OB/GYN office after you've left the building? Or in the operative suite while you're out cold and the surgeon is up to his elbows in your innards? (No names or personally identifiable information will be released--sorry if you were hoping to hear your ex has gonorrhea or something...) Let me give you a glimpse into my world.
  
• Death of a Neat Freak - You can't kill people for touching your shit, but if they can't find it, they can't touch it anymore. I was anal at one time. I would even polish the inside of the car door at the hinges that you could only see when the door was open. I was nuts. Therefore, my workspace, should be inviolable. When I put the phonebook in the drawer and some asshole loots my desk, takes it and then leaves it in the middle of the Na-Ne file drawer, it just pisses me off. I was violated.
  
• How Many Drunks Does It Take.... - Sometimes the funniest motherfuckers to ever stroll through your life are drunk; unfortunately, though, far more often the biggest potlicker assholes to ever trample all over your life are also drunk. And there's an almost surreal number of bodily function malfunctions that occur in the men's room of the local bar in Anytown, USA. Or in the parking lot.
  
• Screw You, and Your Little Kid, Too - Trials and tribulations of a young single mother, desperate to get off the welfare rolls, turned down for a permanent (open) position because "you're too honest."
• And my favorite: Behind Closed Doors - Do your job in the manner in which it is laid out in the formal HR job description, even going above and beyond, and it's just not good enough. What do you do when you hear the death knell for your entire department, knowing there is no way to stop the demise but angry as hell at the SMILEY face shown to you in the front office and the whispers of backstabbing and undermining in the back office?
  

That's actually what the fuck is wrong with me. Two-facedness and placation and sometimes outright lies. Just sick of it. I hate games, and I hate when people play games and use my life as a pawn, especially when they're just not very good managers in the first place.

Okey Dokey, Smokey

Yeah, the iPhones are cool, but I think I can live without one. I like my 5-year old Toshiba cell phone just FINE, thank you very much.

I can live with the fact that some people gotta have new gadgets with all the bells and whistles, willing to line up and wait for hours before the store opens so they can get one. My favorite story, though, has to be the one of this lady who paid $800 to a man to get his spot as first in line, planning to buy thousands of dollars' worth of iPhones and sell them on E-Bay. Unfortunately for her, she neglected to read the rules: One iPhone per customer.

It is priceless at the end of the clip, when the reporter comments to the man that the woman was not very happy with him. She really had no reason to be angry at him; he was not the one walking around with a "money talks" attitude (yes, she really said that), flinging money at someone who sat there and waited rather than dragging her ass out to stand in line and wait like everyone else. Had she read and followed the rules and not considered herself above sitting 12 hours on the pavement like those other people did, she could have saved herself those 8 crisp, pretty $100 bills. That dude got himself a free iPhone AND all the bells and whistles.

The Woman's Place

Oh my, what a hornets nest this subject is. The feminists want you to think it is everywhere but, BUT some of us (present company included) still believe the woman's place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, preparing a meal for her man after he comes home from a hard day's work (if she so chooses). Shoot down my opinion if you want, but please refer to my motto: This is MY soapbox and if you don't like what I have to say, hit the ditch, bitch.

What I wouldn't give to be the one home taking care of my progeny, watching every second of every miracle of their lives but missing so much because I work 100+ hours a week to support our family (not being immigrants, we do not qualify for help from the government I subsidize through tax dollars paid out through my nose and every other orifice of my body), and we do not even qualify for basic shit like WIC or reduced lunches for the school-aged kids.

IMO, there was a particular group of individuals (the ones burning bras) who fucked it up royally for the rest of us. We were forced into taking a piece of the shit pie they wanted served up for desert when they demanded equal rights. Just exactly where have these equal rights gotten "us"? Are women in 50% of the top spots of the Fortune 500 companies? Do they comprise 50% of the top-paying professions in this country? Hell no! So instead of forcing the rest of us to eat the shit pie, why not swallow a little pride, back up a few steps and sit your ass back down where you belong: Next to the stove.