5 W's and an H

Some more "reevaluating" going on here, folks. Bear with me. Sometimes I'm a little (OK, a lot) hard-headed and feel compelled to pick apart every detail, and this self-analysis is no exception. It's been one of the most difficult things I've ever done and certainly the most revealing.

Who?

I'm just me. No more, no less. It took a long time to come to grips with the fact that I needed to be ME and not who everyone else wanted me to be, learning to be comfortable with who I am, accepting the fact that there was nothing wrong with being me, and moving on with my life as the best person I could be. Sometimes I fail and that's OK, too, as long as I learn along the way. The failures are as much a part of me as the successes, and the experience of those failures and what I've learned from them makes me a better person. I've also learned that I need to allow others in my life to have the same presence of being that I expect for myself: They are who they are and I should not try to change them into what I want them to be but accept them as they are and see that they are still a part of me.

What?
I am many things, but of great value to me is that fact that I am and will forever be a mom, daughter, sister, wife--not always the best, I admit, but I can and will try to do better. I will hold my children in my heart always, even after they've spread their own wings. I'm too big to curl up on dad's lap, but I can still tell him I love him. I'd give my left arm (you know, the FUNCTIONING one) to be able to give one last hug to my mom and tell her that I love her. Having gained acceptance of myself and others, I have fallen in love with my husband all over again.

When?
Right now. I can't live in the past, but I can learn from it. I can't live only for the future, but we need dreams and goals to get from one day to the next. We need to be honorable in forming those goals and fulfilling those dreams, not full of vindictiveness and pettiness, cruelty and hatred, selfishness and greed. I honestly feel I can say I lay no claim to these motivations myself but know individuals in whom these lie at their very core and with recent events, I need to be careful I don't follow that path or I will have become the same as them. That's not the future I want to live for, the present I want to find myself in, or the past I want to be remembered by.

Where?
Right here, holding out my hand, asking you to hold it. I cannot withdraw inside myself, hiding from harm. I've found that by hiding, I am missing the wonders in life; and harm seeks you out in other ways, so there is no escaping it anyhow. The risks outweigh the benefits, I guess. Enjoy what you have while you have it because it won't be around forever.

Why?
I've learned recently I need to stop asking this question so much. It's the bane of my existence, always wanting to know the WHY of things, and sometimes there is no answer that any PERSON can provide. I need to keep my faith in God's plan and someday he will reveal the WHY to me, and only THEN will my quest for knowledge be complete.

How?
Take my hand and walk with me on this journey. I see that I cannot go it alone. I give my soul to the Lord, but I give my friendship to you. I know I need to turn to Him in my hour of need for strength and courage and wisdom, but if He didn't want us to draw on each other as well, would He have put us all here together in the first place?