It's Called "Population Control," People

People with serious diseases are finding themselves getting handed the shitty end of the stick when it comes to insurance copays on their medications. The medication costs can be enormous, and the insurer wants the insured to foot a bigger portion of the bill than their previous traditional copays of $10, $20, whatever, to 20% to 33%. The list of diseases in this article just happens to include multiple sclerosis, which you all know is my newfound "friend." These people with severe and chronic illnesses are the ones least likely to be working and earning an income in the first place, so let's sockittoem.

In terms of cold hard cash: The Copaxone injections I use for my MS cost $1740.13 for a 30-day supply, of which I pay a $40 copay. Under this "tiered" system, I would pay anywhere between $348.03 and $574.24 a month for my medication. This is an 870% to 1435% increase in my out-of-pocket cost just for the medication. This does not include the cost my employer and I fork over to the insurer in the first place just to have coverage, said cost having increased many-fold since I started working at the company a mere 7 years ago. Also keep in mind: This is not a medication to CURE my disease, merely to "try" to prevent acute exacerbations. This makes just so much sense, really. They'll NOT pay for medication to try to PREVENT an exacerbation, but they'll cover the much larger bills associated with hospitalization and testing and inpatient medications administered, etc., for an acute exacerbation. Yeah. Kind of like not paying for birth control or abortion but paying for prenatal care, labor and delivery, and then yet another child that will be covered on the policy.

So my choices are:
1. Fork over the cash (which is almost a whole week's pay) to get the medication to try to keep from getting worse and ending up on permanent disability, foregoing those pesky incidental expenses like rent, groceries, and electricity. I'll be living in a box on the street, but at least I'll have my medication!
2. Use my cash to pay for those pesky incidental expenses (above) and stop taking the medication, progressing in my disease process until I "expire." (That means "DIE" for those of you who don't know that medical term that bothers me for some reason, like we have a fucking date stamped on our butt cheek like a gallon of milk.)

I'm not wealthy. I can't afford to buy these medications. So I will just have to suck it up, accept the fact that I am poor and destined to die quicker than a wealthy individual who has the money to buy them to prolong not just their life, but their QUALITY of life.

That's why it's called population control. I've seen it for years, known it was happening and tried spreading the word but just being called a fruitcake or conspiracy theorist for my efforts. I've seen a young woman die of a completely treatable cancer just because of her insurance carrier's "policies." I've seen another woman beg and plead for money to abort a deformed fetus that would not survive delivery and likely would have killed the mother during said delivery, because Medicaid, her only healthcare coverage, would not pay for it: Two birds with one stone?

Kicking Myself in the Head

Or I would, anyhow, if my leg reached that high but it d0esn't so I'll just imagine that I'm doing it.

I sooooooooo wish I had upgraded my RAM years ago.

I also wish I'd bought a wide screen monitor years ago.

I like the feel of my new keyboard, too, but neglected to pay attention to the "little things," like the hot key combination needed to switch between PCs with the KVM switch. . . DOES.NOT.WORK. on this keyboard. You have to push the button for the PC you want to use, on the switch itself.

Everything else is peachy, though.

Oh.My.God

If I didn't have a reason to love Tiger Direct before, I do now. I ordered my goodies on Sunday night. I selected ground shipping, 3 to 7 days. I expected my stuff around Friday. Today is Tuesday. My stuff was delivered TODAY. TWO DAYS.

If you need ANYTHING for your computer, go to Tiger Direct. GO. Just do it.

Now I'm off to go play with my new toys, and hopefully get them all hooked up so all will be right with the world.

What a Great Idea

Diesel has inspired me to a great idea [ALL. . . HAIL. . . DIESEL], but I think I'm going to take all the credit for it anyhow, because I'm entitled to be an asshole every once in a while. It's just a shame that the truly great ideas seem so few and far between. Then again, maybe it's all perspective.

I've gone all over the place here with everything from ranting and raving about stuff I see in the news to whining and moaning about my disease and personal trials and tribulations with a little humor and a whole lot of weirdness thrown in for good measure. After all, as the name implies, whatever floats my boat. However, I have a feeling it might be a source of morbid fascination for the folks who dare to come back for a second visit, let alone those who actually feel brave enough to add this site to their feed readers (amazingly enough, there are a few, you poor souls), to see what kind of crap comes out of my mouth (or keyboard) next. I think it's time to recover and clean up this train wreck.

Anyhow, Diesel was busy with one of his own little hoo-hoos, and he was throwing out ideas for blog names that might indicate something more impressive than your run-of-the-mill stuff that is in abundance all over the net and recycled ad nauseum and perhaps making more of an impression when applying to one of his other sites, Humor-Blogs.com. Go read what The Man has to say, since he explains it much better than I can, and at least he's coherent. Great post, Diesel.

Anyhow, I have no desire to just drop and run from My Boat, it's kind of like home, but I do have a new site in the making (thanks for the name inspiration, Diesel), Mainlining Mountain Dew. I have a URL but nothing's up yet, so give me time. THAT'S where I'll be concentrating my humor and witticisms, stupidity (i.e., Future of America), and the great emails and pictures people pass along to me that I want to share. There will likely be duplicate stuff there from here, since some of the stuff I've put up here was pretty fucking hilarious and deserves to be recycled.

Til then, lotsa love,
A.

P.S.: Dude, I'm totally stealing your idea and don't feel the least bit bad about it!

I've Finally Done It

I got so tired of this computer freezing up on me, even AFTER removing XP SP2, I finally broke down and ordered more RAM like the IT guy at work suggested I do years ago. I went all-out at Tiger Direct and ordered TWO of them, 256MB each, the maximum my HP Pavilion is configured for. Keep your fingers crossed that this is the cure for my computer's ills and I stop getting that irritating "virtual memory is too low" message when I open 2 or more applications or even just use Firefox. It seemed a good deal, $60 total, and that's a helluva lot less than a new PC would cost, which would probably have Vista on it, and I'm not ready to give up XP. I don't need another PC; I just need to make this one do the job it did when it was all shiny and new.

I could go wild on Tiger Direct, if I had the money to do it and no sense of self-control. I let slip a wee bit and ordered a few other things I needed/wanted:

• A 20" LCD monitor. I can't see shit anymore and the dude at Office Max (I detest that store but was in dire need of a new office chair and dragged myself in there Saturday. It's so comfortable, I could sleep in it!) said a bigger screen might help. I got a nicer monitor than the cheapest one ($200) they had, for the same price. I shopped around and found one I liked at another store for about $240, then found a similar one on Tiger for less.
  
• A Trulink USB and PS/2 KVM switch with audio. Keyboard manufacturers seem to have decided to stop making PS/2 keyboards and mice for some reason, since the stores only seem to sell USB stuff (unless you want a junk $13 PS/2 keyboard that lasts about 2 months) and I need a new one, but my Trendnet KVM switch (which I love), quite unfortunately, is only PS/2 and not compatible with a USB adapter. It's so sad. It's a good switch and only a year old, but I'll package it up and keep it just in case. (Pack ratting)
  
• A Logitech Wave USB keyboard. I saw one in Staples (another store I detest but drag myself into when I need supplies) and liked it. It felt good to my hands and wrists, which is obviously vital in my line of work. So now I will have a USB keyboard to plug into my new KVM switch. I didn't get a mouse, since I have a couple here that are relatively new, all PS/2, but since the switch takes BOTH, it's all good.
  

I'm excited. I can't wait for my stuff to come. I could have paid extra and gotten it next-day or 2-day, but it's a good lesson in patience to have it shipped via ground in 3-7 days. Gives me a couple of extra days of gooey anticipation about my new toys and time to collect storage boxes for my old equipment.

Now, don't think I'm a freak for keeping the old stuff. It's just that if it's not BROKEN (broken stuff goes in the trash) but maybe just getting a little worn out or I don't like the shape or feel of it (I'm really peculiar about the feel of my mouse to my hand, and I hate mice that have no scroll wheel, and sometimes my headsets smoosh my ears against the earpieces of my glasses in a way I don't like), I hold onto it in case of emergency. That way, if whatever I'm using DOES break, I have backup until I can get a replacement. I work nights, when the stores are closed, so running to Office Max at 3 a.m. is just not an option.

In anticipation of our "rebate" checks, hubby-man and I ordered a new bed (thank goodness some stores still have layaways). He's been harping for months about how bad our old bed is getting and yelping whenever the Tempurpedic and Select Comfort commercials come on. Those just seem like they'd be out of my league money-wise (I admit I've never priced them but have a vivid imagination). So we went into the local furniture store and he fell in love with a Simmons mattress they had, and it was on even on sale. This store, where we've bought a lot of furniture over the years, can put it in layaway for you at the sale price. They also have free delivery. It's a hometown store and they don't just care about moving merchandise but actually satisfying the customer. They're all-around good people and know us by name (they also have a Radio Shack in the store and I send hubby-man there to buy my equipment for work, and the woman there is learning sign language). A few years ago I bought a solid oak entertainment center and glass-doored bookcase there, none of that Sauder crap they sell in Wal-Mart and Meijer, and 2 matching recliners. They were even able to match the color and pattern of another chair (different name, even) that I'd bought years prior at a different store! I'm also excited about that.

I've had a busy couple of days, and it just keeps on staying busy. Tomorrow's my appointment with the surgeon about my gallstones. Ugh.

I've Decided I'm Just a Bitch

I am so tired of reading stories like this in the news. Maybe I'm just a bitch, but maybe it's just time for society to wake up and smell the coffee. If people like this want to do away with themselves, fine, LET THEM - the world and especially their children are probably better off without them - but they need to stop taking their children out in the process or instead of themselves. It makes me so angry that this woman took the coward's way out, resorting to suicide, but she had NO right to murder her children, who never asked to be brought into this world but most certainly NEVER deserved to die at their own mother's hands. She chose to bring them into this world, and she then chose to renege on her responsibility as a ward to God's gifts. That's right: Children are not ours, as so many in this world wrongly declare, but God's, and He allows us to have care and custody over them, raise them in His light. I know it's an un-Christian way of thinking, but I firmly believe that people who abuse, torture, or murder children should suffer the exact same fate they dealt out to the little ones. Andrea Yates? Drown her. Then resuscitate her. Then drown her again. And again. And AGAIN. And one more time for good measure, for each child she deprived of life. Susan Smith? Same deal. Dena Schlosser? Cut her fucking arms off and leave her to bleed to death. Maybe once parents realize there is a PUNISHMENT for their actions - and keep the bleeding heart fucking liberals out of it, letting them cop out of responsibility for their actions by claiming mental illness - THIS SHIT WOULD STOP.

Rant over.

Post #299 - Now if THIS Ain't a Load of Shit

I'm a caffeine drinker. I can't stand coffee, but I've been known to polish off between one and two 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew a day. A DAY, PEOPLE. That's a lot of fucking caffeine. I should piss, shit, and BLEED neon yellow, I drink so much of it. I buy it 4 crates at a time (you know the blue crates Pepsi ships bottles in, 8 per crate???). I have to write Dew purchases into my monthly budget, to make sure I have enough to supply my habit. I don't bother with a glass, drinking directly from the mouth of that 2-liter bottle. I am a Dew addict. I need my fix. I didn't even curb my habit while pregnant with each and every one of my kids, and they should also shit, piss, and BLEED neon yellow after 9 months of continuous Dew infusion via umbilical cord. My kids are all above average in intelligence, motivated, and of the type to take a leadership role rather than that of a sheeple. I owe it all to the Dew. Look at that: Even my fucking CAT is addicted to this stuff.

Then along comes this study, claiming "Caffeine could protect against multiple sclerosis," which I would have to say based on my own real-life personal experience spanning 35 years , is a load of shit. I AM caffeine, I have been for years, and I still developed MS and it's still progressing. Give me some GOOD news, and let me know when you've really got something worthwhile, eh?

Researchers at Cornell University showed that giving mice the equivalent of six to eight cups of coffee a day protected them against experimental autoimmune encephalomyelitis (EAE), the animal model of MS. . .
Initial studies led the researchers to discover that mice lacking CD73, the enzyme necessary for synthesizing extracellular adenosine, were protected from developing the mouse form of MS (experimental autoimmune encephalomyelitis or EAE). Subsequent studies dealing with immune cells from such mice made them believe that normal CD73's ability to synthesize extracellular adenosine governed the development and progression of the MS-like disease.
Though this discovery did help the researchers to explain the presence of adenosine near the cells, but they were unaware of the mechanism that made the compound enter into the CNS cells. As adenosine is supposed to bind to its receptor in order to affect a cell, the researchers thought that adenosine receptor activation would have allowed for entry of immune cells into the brain and spinal cord and thus they turned to caffeine.
Caffeine's stimulatory effects on the CNS are mainly due to its ability to bind to the same receptors as adenosine, thus blocking adenosine's ability to affect CNS cells. When mice consumed caffeine in their drinking water, they were protected against development of EAE, the MS model.
Thus it was concluded that CD73 and adenosine receptor signalling are required for the efficient entry of immune cells into the CNS during the initiation and progression of EAE in mice and, quite possibly, during the development of MS in humans.

Finally. . . Rest for the Weary?

Saw my NL today, and boy am I glad I did. I love my neurologist. She's my favorite medical professional in the whole wide world and one of the few I would actually trust with my life. That number can be counted on my fingers with a few left over.

Last time I'd seen her back in January, we talked about burning pain in my muscles, worse in my shoulder girdle muscles, upper arms, back and neck but really in all the large muscle groups throughout my body, the same pain that put fibromyalgia into the differential before I developed optic neuritis and finally demyelinating plaques on my brain MRI, and hence, the MS diagnosis. She considered trying me on Lyrica at that time but opted to place me on Lexapro instead, since my "depression" (I've never been clinically diagnosed as having depressive disorder but was suffering from "situational depression") was causing my overall MS symptoms to worsen. I ended up taking exactly 3 days of the Lexapro and decided it wasn't for me: It made me so fatigued I could not function. It made me dizzy and nauseous and (even though it's supposed to be for treatment of depression) MORE depressed. That was enough for me. Ever since then, I haven't been able to shake this fatigue that puts me down for days at a time. She gave me the Lyrica today, so we'll see how that works out. She thinks it might also help with my migraines, which would be AWESOME. She also started me on Provigil today, to try to help with the fatigue, which she said was probably a symptom of the MS as well. I took one earlier today and I feel pretty fucking good, haven't looked wistfully at my bed for hours. . .

A lousy 3 months, and my health has definitely changed, some things better and some much, much worse. My "Health Shit Lists":

Positive Shit: I no longer feel depressed, and that's definitely a big fat plus. Unfortunately, that's about the only one I can come up with right now.

Negative Shit:

1. My pain has progressed to the point of affecting my quality of life, a my-body-is-on-fire-from-the-inside-out kind of pain. I bought some Ben Gay-smelling patches and wallpapered myself with them (not really, but it's a great mental picture, ain't it?). Please let the Lyrica work, since I'm allergic to Neurontin. . .
   
2. The vision in my right eye comes and goes, anywhere from about one-quarter to near-complete visual field loss, rapid fluctuations causing dizziness, inability to focus, or just plain not seeing shit and running into things. Thank goodness for drywall corner bead, or there'd be broken corners all over the house instead of black and blue marks all over my arms, legs, and head.
   
3. I can't remember things for more than a few minutes or sometimes even a few seconds unless I write them down, and there have been times I've forgotten what the fuck I was going to write before I even touched pen to paper.
4. My right arm is mostly useless and my right leg isn't far behind in function, affecting my ability to walk and my ability to communicate effectively with my family, who use sign language. This also makes for an interesting trip to the bathroom, which is upstairs, adding to my collection of colorful bruises.
   
5. I have just been found to have gallstones and seeing the surgeon (one of those few precious individuals above, heh heh) next week. In a way, I guess this could be on the Positive Shit list since it's relatively easily taken care of.
   
6. My bowels are disregulated due to MS. I either shit rocks (boulders and/or gravel) or I shit water. There is no in-between. I thought IBS was bad, but this takes the cake.
   
7. I am fatigued to the point of slumping over asleep in my chair for no apparent reason, even after TWELVE FUCKING HOURS OF SLEEP. The last time that happened, my (former) doctor kept barking NARCOLEPSY. He proved himself to be full of shit when he discovered it was pernicious anemia, NOT narcolepsy. My B12 levels are fine, so that's not it this time.
8. No one has any explanation for why my hair is falling out by the handful, my skin is turning to scales, and I've lost my "color." Once upon a time, I had beautiful honey golden skin, soft and smooth as a baby's, and a big thick ponytail. Then one year I turned green. GREEN-GREEN, like a fucking booger some kid just hooked out of his nose. After a couple of years, I was just white. Over time I've gotten more and more white, to the point people would ask how my moon tan was coming along. Now, I'm ready to just shave off what's left of my hair and scrub myself with a wire brush.
   

All in all, it was a productive day. I learned that my symptoms are part of the MS disease process and can come on at any time, or not, since each person's course is different from the next, and that progression to these symptoms is not necessarily an exacerbation. My January MRI was stable from the prior one, so for now it appears the Copaxone is doing its job. Now someone just needs to get to inventing a once-a-week or once-a-month injection instead of EVERY SINGLE DAY injection. Pills would be good, too.

Where Would We Be?

Had they not been stolen from us?

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
John F. Kennedy

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
John F. Kennedy

The Pincushion Look

My latest fashion statement is what I will call The Pincushion Look. I predict that it's going to be all the rage and particularly "sexy" come summertime when I wear shorts and everyone can see the remnants of my last 6 weeks' worth of Copaxone injections tattooed on my thighs. I bruise easily to begin with, and each subcutaneous injection leaves a nifty welt and a circular 2-inch purple-black bruise, which stays for weeks, even with rotation of injection sites to different areas of the body and rotation of specific sites at each location.

Just lovely. *This is me being facetious.*

I also have them on my upper arms, hips, and belly, but I won't subject any poor individual to the sight of my belly or hips - not even my poor husband has to suffer that trauma against his will. Thankfully, he's about blind without his glasses.

I'm tired of this disease and I'm ready to trade it in, ask for a refund, whatever. It's bad enough having gone slightly demented, blind in one eye, and hemiparetic from this shit, now I have to look at nasty blotchy bruises for the rest of my life. Someone needs to move their ass on finding a cure, already, cuz I don't think I can handle injecting myself for the rest of my life, however long that might be. The whole thing is just interfering with my life, and it's not something that can be "ignored" like my gallstones. And I don't just want something to HALT the progress of the MS, or "attempt to reduce the frequency of exacerbations," I want a CURE - I want restoration of my fucking ARM and my fucking EYE and my ABILITY TO DO MATH.

Yes, I'm in a kind of pissy mood right now.

Laughing at Myself

My Yahoo email used to be used for EVERYTHING, including my transcription business-related stuff. Now with all the great technologies available to me, I no longer use my email for that purpose, instead uploading a note on the server to be downloaded on the other end - or, miracle of miracles, FAXING it - and now my email just collects penis extender ads and shit like that.

And once in a while personal emails. I guess that's what it's for, after all, even though my friends who actually send me things can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. Another one of those side effects of withdrawing yourself from society, eh? I digress. . .

I haven't really used it that much lately, and I realized tonight that it still has my "signature" attached to it. Refresh my memory, what's it say. . .

NOTICE OF CONFIDENTIALITY:
The information contained in this email transmission is confidential and/or privileged and may contain confidential health information. This information is intended to be reviewed only by the individual or organization named as addressee. If you have received this transmission in error, please notify sender immediately and destroy all copies of this transmission and all parts included therein. State and federal laws including but not limited to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996 and related regulations protect confidential health information.

I just KNOW there are other "housekeeping" jobs I need to catch up on, too, but I just don't give a rip right now. I've got more important things to do than piss around with a signature line on my outgoing mail. And who really cares, anyhow?

What's Up With That?

I have very little interesting to say anymore. I know this, since it's the reason so many regular readers fled the scene months ago and just never returned, not even to rubberneck at the train wreck my life had become. Being so very uninteresting, I can't fathom why anyone would lurk around here for more than a couple of minutes, yet I find this on Site Meter:

Time of Visit		Mar 31 2008 1:17:09 am
Last Page View		Mar 31 2008 2:23:38 am
Visit Length		1 hour 6 minutes 29 seconds
Page Views		15
Referring URL

They read 15 pages, so I know it wasn't someone doing what I do from time to time: Visiting a blog and forgetting to close it out of my browser, walking away and coming back later to find it still there. (Sorry about that, if I've done it to anyone and they find it annoying.) I don't mind visitors, I really don't, but in 1+ hour of reading and 15 pages, you couldn't have said SOMETHING to me, not even telling me you think I'm weird? I like comments - they make me feel all gooey inside (except spam comments, which I've gotten a few of lately, here and on my recipes blog). And where'd you come from? People don't just magically appear on a blog site, yet there's no referring URL.

I'd love to hear from you.