WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Seriously. Are you incapable of advocating for yourself? Do you have an overwhelming desire to lay your career/financial destiny in the hands of another - where you will have less control than you think you have now?

About 3 years ago, there was a union organization effort at the hospital for which I work. Being unafraid to advocate for myself and what I want out of my job, let alone no desire to pay someone else to do what I can do for free (and needing every single penny of my paycheck anyhow), and the frightful possibility of being bound by generalized "conditions" for the entire unit (which may have been good for the other however-many employees of the unit but not at all for the mere TEN of my specific department), I admit that I voted NO.

Some weeks back I got a letter in the mail from that same union (wondering how the fuck they had my address and wondering if that was a violation of my privacy, soliciting me in such a manner), reminding me that we voted that union down 3 years ago and kind of a taunting "see what you've done" attitude about how conditions have "worsened" in the intervening period.

Well, no shit, Sherlock - the whole fucking state is madly swirling around the center of the toilet bowl, Guvnir Granwhore madly cackling and flushing repeatedly. Of course, though, some people just cannot be satisfied with the fact that they still HAVE a fucking job with a statewide unemployment rate of 12%.... so let's provoke the employer and try to push that union again.

Now I have in my hands ANOTHER letter from that fucking union.... again, addressed to me at my home, and the top of my head is about to explode.

I am not a nurse, and they have their own union. I am "service" staff - lumped in with maintenance, housekeeping, cafeteria staff, (I believe) clerical, and others in our organization. My specific job concerns, duties, and working conditions have NOTHING to do with what some of those other folks' positions have to do with - being a transcriptionist who WORKS FROM HOME.

This is the letter I received, along with my own comments on the issues.

FORMING A UNION MEANS HAVING A VOICE IN HOSPITAL POLICIES

We, the members of AFSCME here in YYYYY County, want you to have what we have: dignity in our work, respect on the job, a voice in our wages, hours and working conditions. {I already have those - I have had them all along, and I needed to pay no one to "appropriate" them for me - I earned them all on my own.}

We have obtained this improved quality in our working lives and careers through AFSCME representation. Our AFSCME contracts provide us better wages, better benefits, and greater security and protection on the job than nonunion workers can expect. {Again, I already have these things, gained on my own merits.}

By forming a union, health care employees gain a voice in hospital policies and procedures. Rather than having decisions made arbitrarily without their input, they negotiate over the policies that affect their jobs, their patients, and their future. {We have regular hospital-wide "Pulse Check" meetings - where policies, procedures, etc. are laid out neatly and questions are answered - again, regularly.}

1. Scheduling systems. Around the country, hospital employees are negotiating scheduling policies and options that guarantee both flexibility and security. {Those in our department already have flexible scheduling policies, and our bosses are extremely receptive to suggestions, ideas, or concerns.}
   
2. Floating guidelines. Hospitals often use floating as a regular way to solve staffing problems, and too many healthcare employees are floated to unfamiliar areas. To protect patient care and professional standards, most healthcare union contracts include specific guidelines for when and how floating is done. {This affects me not at all, and those I know in the hospital who DO float are not located into "unfamiliar areas." Additionally, there are strict policies about an employee performing in certain positions and their qualifications to do so. So, a housekeeper will not be doing unit clerk duties - unless they are trained and qualified to do so.}
   
3. Overtime policies. (XXXXX does not have any overtime policy now.) Many hospitals are responding to the growing shortage of healthcare staff by requiring employees to work excessive amounts of mandatory overtime. Hospital employees are negotiating alternatives that will preserve the quality of patient care and recruit and retain more staff. {Someone obviously did not bother to read the policies and procedures manual, because there IS, in fact, an overtime policy - last revised 11/01/03 - which states "Although overtime is discouraged, there will be occasions when it is necessary." Discouraged. In my 8 years of working at this hospital, ONE time has our department been required to use mandatory overtime. ONE.}
   
4. Career enhancement. (XXXXX lacks career enhancement policies.) By working together as a union, hospital employees have a say in the policies that affect their job satisfaction and opportunities for advancement. {Again, someone did not bother to read the handbook, because there are not one but TWO policies on the books about evaluations of progress and advancement/transfer within the organization.}
   
5. How the hospital works. Through their unions, more and more hospital employees are working in partnership with their employers and participating in decisions about how their hospitals operate. Studies show that shared decision-making in union hospitals increases productivity by up to 16 percent, raises quality standards, lowers turnover rates, and improves efficiency. One study found that union-management cooperation increase staffing levels and hospital revenues. {Again, we have regular meetings where this kind of stuff is discussed - openly and to death, IMO. There is also an entire policy on the books about "Employee Suggestions."}
   
6. Privatization. What happens to you if XXXXX contracts out your job? Have you seen jobs contracted out or privatized? Food Service? Maintenance? Housekeeping? Did you have a chance to vote on privatization of jobs? Did management share equally in the job losses? (A company called ZZZZZ is now running the Housekeeping, Environmental Services, and Food Service. With ZZZZZ employees as your bosses, whose rules apply to you? XXXXX or ZZZZZ? How long before your job is privatized, too?) {Know what? It happens - anywhere and everywhere - and this is something someone in my field has come to expect at any time - since girls in India can transcribe documents for about 2 cents per line versus the 10, 12, 15 or more cents per line we get paid here or equivalent hourly wage. However, considering our hospital just invested in a brand-new dictation system, I don't think the demise of our jobs is imminent anytime soon.}
   

We're still AFSCME. We still care about you and want to help you with your workplace challenges and issues. If you want to form a union, or if you want more information on AFSCME and Unionism, Sign the enclosed green show-of-interest card and mail it back to us.

Having addressed my PERSONAL job concerns above, I will now address the issue I have with the "show-of-interest" card enclosed with this letter.

AUTHORIZATION FOR REPRESENTATION BY THE AMERICAN FEDERATION OF STATE, COUNTY & MUNICIPAL EMPLOYEES/AFL-CIO

I hereby desire to be represented by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, AFL-CIO, and/or its appropriate affiliates as my exclusive bargaining agent in all matters affecting my wages, hours, and conditions of employment.

This card indicates a desire for the employee to turn over representation to another party ONLY - nowhere on the card does it allow you to mark "I just want information." You fill it out and sign it, you have agreed to relinquish your right to self-negotiate in any way on your own behalf should enough of your coworkers wish to do the same.

Lies and subterfuge. How much more blatant can you get? And these unions do NOT guarantee better pay and benefits in any way. My sister works at a union hospital, as "service" staff much like myself, and they lost all their paid holidays and other benefits. Sorry, but I have no desire whatsoever to have someone toying with the benefits I have and making things worse, compromising my position (what is to stop the hospital from outsourcing or privatizing MORE positions if deemed economically necessary?) - and have to PAY someone to screw me over?

NO THANK YOU.

Yes, Michigan!

I remember an old theme song from my youth, "Yes, Michigan! The feeling's forever." God's Country, I call it, for the riveting beauty that is (in particular) Michigan's upper and northern lower peninsulas. Mountains, waterfalls, rock formations, vast tracts of forests and picturesque lakes and rivers, each sight and scene is breathtakingly beautiful. I have lived here my entire life, and here I shall remain until I pass from this existence. If someone wants me out of here, they will have to drag my cold, dead carcass out with a John Deere tractor.

Unfortunately, lately it seems a lot has been sucked out of the place.

Continuing the trend of the past several years, Michigan leads the nation in one statistic that carries no pride of ownership: The highest unemployment rate in the nation. As of December 2008, Michigan has toppled the scale at an astounding 10.6% statewide, 11.1% in the Detroit/Livonia area. You know Detroit - home of The Big Three. Just over a year ago in November 2007, our statewide unemployment rate was 7.7% - a 2.9% increase in 13 months' time. Our "governor" projects that the February data will be worse. Historically, the state's highest unemployment rate in November 1982 at 16.9% comes in second only to West Virginia's March 1983 18.2% (table does not indicate date range of data collected). I was but 10 years old and really do not remember much from back then, other than my dad being laid off for a really long time.

Of late, we have been blazing trails through the history books. Being the laughingstock of the nation during the Presidential primary elections was not enough humiliation for this state's residents to endure. Shortly after that spectacle arising out of gross stupidity, we were treated to Congressman John Dingell pushing for an additional 50-cent tax hike per gallon of gas - at a time when most of us already could not afford to fill up our vehicles. Last summer, I asked what was next, after an expanded state sales tax and a retroactive increase in state income tax. I did not have to wait long to find out the answer to a question I knew better than to ask.

Now, our governor wants to change the state gas tax. In addition to the 6% state sales tax, she wishes to implement a (likely) 16% tax per gallon instead of the flat 19-cents-per-gallon tax we pay currently. However, Governor Granholm "insists that the plan is not a tax hike." Looking at the comments left on the article, I found this and was rather stunned:

Today = .19 per gallon flat At the 16%, $2 per gallon = .32 per gallon added on... Last year, $4.50 per gallon = .72 per gallon. so if gas prices rise back to 4.50, like they did in the fall of 2008, we will actually pay $5.22 per gallon when we actually did pay $4.69 per gallon. On an average 18 gallon tank, that difference would be $9.54 more per fill-up. How is that not a tax hike. The only time her plan makes sense and is in our favor is when the price drops below $1.20 per gallon. When is the last time that has happened? This will KILL the already smothered Michigan economy. Jenny, YOU are the weakest link...

Late last September, we took an overnight camping trip down to southwest lower Michigan to take the kids trick-or-treating at one of the state parks. We stopped for gas on the way home, and this was what the pump read when the guy who filled up before us pulled out - and this was even before gas hit almost $5 a gallon:


Using this example, this man's 24.685 gallons of gas cost him $92.85 (yeah, I know the numbers are blurry - sorry): $3.76 per gallon. Had the tax been 16% rather than the flat $0.19 per gallon, his tank of gas would have cost $102.20 - a difference of $9.35.

Surely there is no tax hike there, right Jenny?

On top of that, despite President Obama's recent "challenge" with regards to higher education, Granholm "proposes to cut need-based funding," which helps students pay college tuition - while asking colleges and universities to freeze tuition rates. Along with a 5.8% funding cut ($18.8 million), more students would be able to participate in these programs - more students competing for fewer funds. I fail to see the logic in that move; as more students become unable to pay their tuition bills with fewer dollars available, does it not seem likely more would end up dropping out due to inability to pay - especially when considered in conjunction with the unemployment rate and those students, therefore, unable to work their way through school?

Barack Obama has it right - while Granholm truly is proving herself to be "the weakest link": (emphasis mine)

"Right now, three-quarters of the fastest-growing occupations require more than a high school diploma," Obama said. "And yet, just over half of our citizens have that level of education. We have one of the highest high school dropout rates of any industrialized nation. And half of the students who begin college never finish."

"This is a prescription for economic decline, because we know the countries that out-teach us today will out-compete us tomorrow. That is why it will be the goal of this administration to ensure that every child has access to a complete and competitive education—from the day they are born to the day they begin a career."

Perhaps even scarier is the realization that our education system's decline has worsened since 2003 - the year she entered office: (emphasis mine)

University officials lay much of the blame for higher prices on the penny-wise, pound-foolish attitude in Lansing — with good reason. Michigan has the dubious distinction of being the only state in the country to spend less on higher education in 2008 than it did in 2003, a per-student cut of $2,852, according to state universities. That says a lot to us about the priorities and the foresight of Michigan’s political leaders.

The cherry on top is Obama C&T, which will have the effect of "sinking" Michigan. I fear it will not be long before we suffer what I had expressed concern about previously:

The future of Michigan is a large question mark. With few jobs, sky-high unemployment rate, increases in state income and sales tax this past year, and state leaders pointing fingers at the Bush administration while taking no responsibility for ANYTHING, she has entered dark times. An Obama Presidency would surely push us into crisis, our economy beyond salvage. What happens to an unsalvageable limb compromising the overall health of the body? It is amputated, sacrificed to save the life. Sit here in my seat for a moment, and imagine the terror felt at the image of a financial or political "amputation" of the Great Lakes State.

I am afraid. Very afraid.

Upper Tahquamenon Falls - Michigan's upper peninsula

National MS Awareness Week

March 2 - 8, 2009, is National MS Awareness Week.

An unpredictable disease of the central nervous system, multiple sclerosis (MS) can range from relatively benign to somewhat disabling to devastating, as communication between the brain and other parts of the body is disrupted. Many investigators believe MS to be an autoimmune disease -- one in which the body, through its immune system, launches a defensive attack against its own tissues. In the case of MS, it is the nerve-insulating myelin that comes under assault. Such assaults may be linked to an unknown environmental trigger, perhaps a virus.

* * * * *

In November 2007, I received my formal diagnosis of MS. Some 15 months after the onset of persistent profound weakness in three extremities (including my dominant right arm, which has been and continues to be flaccid, and both legs with intermittent but increasing flaccidity) as well as facial musculature and even muscles of breathing (thankfully, this lil'bit returned in short order), the loss of vision in my right eye, and the onset of intractable dizziness and destructive fatigue (all of which have persisted and worsened); after being told by various healthcare professionals I had nothing "serious" wrong with me, that I had medical schoolitis related to my job as a transcriptionist, that I was under too much stress from working so much and in need of psychiatric care, and that I was faking my symptoms; after losing my ability to participate in hobbies like bowling, painting, and reading; after finding myself confined to a chair or bed and unable to run and play with my children, I was told what I suspected all along in spite of clean MRIs and negative laboratory testing: I have multiple sclerosis.

I was lucky, having to wait only 15 months to get that diagnosis; many people wait much longer, not fulfilling all the criteria required to give that formal diagnosis and enable institution of treatment.

There is no cure for multiple sclerosis. Treatment for remitting-relapsing MS (RRMS) involves the use of disease-modifying drugs like Copaxone (the medication I had been on pre-pregnancy) and Avonex (the one I think I will ask my NL about post-partum), but they do not cure; rather, they attempt to slow down the disease and shorten or lessen the severity of exacerbations.

For some of us, treatment is only symptomatic and standard agents for RRMS do little to nothing to slow down or diminish the effects of this mysterious and unpredictable disease.

I have tried not to be bitter, but seeing how much I have lost and weighing it against what remains, I find myself having a more difficult time in that endeavor. Reality struck home a few weeks ago when my NL informed me that it was time to consider filing for disability, spiraling me into a deepening depression because the only "hobby" I had left was work - and I was facing losing that, as well. I do not allow MS to define who I am, but my work ethic, skills, abilities, and passion for what I do have been part of what defines me for the last 20 years of my life.

Without work, I become a lump. I have no desire to fill that bill of goods.

I spoke with my boss the other day, giving her a peek into what has been going on. I realize now I should not have kept her in the dark. Unfortunately, part of that had to do with the boss I had been under that was (thankfully) recently "downsized" to another part of the organization and the boss's attitude toward me since I got that formal diagnosis of MS; although it is violation of federal law to fire me due to my disability, that person seemed hell-bent on making sure to do everything necessary to enhance my misery so I would quit on my own. She (my current boss) told me to stop in to HR and talk to them about filing FMLA, with the provisions for intermittent personal medical leave, to preserve my position without jeopardizing it due to my frequent MS-related absences.

I was so distressed and depressed, FMLA never even crossed my mind. The only options the NL gave me were basically to live with it or to file for disability - as though the mental depression caused by either of these had little relevance. If she was offering disability as an option, I would have to assume she would have filed the paperwork on my behalf; I am hopeful that she would be willing to file FMLA paperwork in its place, to keep me working in whatever capacity I can for as long as I can.

My boss has thrown me a lifeline of sorts, giving me a bit of hope in looking forward.

* * * * *

While no one wants to be diagnosed with MS, for some 200,000+ Americans, it is a reality. Sometimes - as happened with myself - there is a rush of relief at knowing there is something more wrong with you than "just in your head" and that you are not imagining things. There has never been a better time, really, to receive a diagnosis like this. For the majority of MSers, this is not a death sentence, and many go on to lead normal, productive lives. Research continues and, in time, there will be a cure. Current therapies involve injectables, but trials are underway for oral medications. Seeking out the cause will be a tremendous step toward finding a cure.

If you have MS and need assistance with medications or assistive devices, please check this out.

* * * * *

UPDATE: I spoke with the Human Resources department today, and they have given me the contact information for the agency that coordinates the FMLA/LOA program for our institution. Ever onward and upward! Amazing, the relief you feel knowing there are actually people ready and willing to help you when you need it - and are not afraid to ask for it.

Something New Every Day

It's true, you can learn something new every day. Even new things about something you already know a lot about.

I've lived in the middle of the mitten my entire life. We studied Michigan history in 6th grade, an entire textbook devoted to the subject. We had to write reports back then - you know, based on actual RESEARCH. My great-grandpa lived in this area for ages, a fountain of knowledge, willing to share. From him I learned about odd tidbits like the canal (a series of locks for shipping, similar to those in S.S. Marie) and rail line being built east-west across the mitten; a project that ended up bankrupting. Part of the canal runs through my own "backyard" and you can see remnants of the site where Potato Creek joins the Bad River. Unfortunately, history is scarce. It is little more than a curiosity and something most people have never heard of, even here in our local area.

I don't know why, but I have never visited the Michigan Wiki page. It's odd, since I have used Wiki to look up many things. It is pretty cool, though, with facts about Michigan I never knew!

I knew, from a postcard I once had (I used to collect Michigan postcards, but I haven't a clue where they ever got off to), that at any point in Michigan, you are never more than 6 miles from any lake, river, or stream. I did NOT know that Mackinac Island never became a part of Michigan until 10 years after statehood,transferred to Michigan in 1847.

I knew, from many visits throughout my lifetime to the area, that there are mountains in Michigan's western upper peninsula (Porcupine Mountains). I did NOT know they are the oldest mountains in North America. How cool is that?

I knew about the Toledo War and Michigan being given the upper peninsula as a sort of "consolation prize" for giving up the Toledo strip to Ohio. I did NOT know that Michigan is the largest state east of the Mississippi River.

I new that Michigan was the only state to touch 4 of the 5 Great Lakes, and I knew that Lake Superior is the largest, deepest, coldest body of fresh water on the planet. I did NOT know that the length of Michigan's shoreline is second only to Alaska, and that its entire combined length is roughly equal to that of the Atlantic Coast.

I knew that Michigan has the most lighthouses of any other state. I did NOT know that Michigan has the "largest state park and forest system of any state."

I knew that Michigan has a predominantly German population (that's ME!). I did NOT know that "Michigan has the largest Dutch-American, Finnish-American and Macedonian-American populations in the United States."

I knew the International and Ambassador bridges and several tunnels connect us to Canada. I did NOT know there is another bridge being built between Detroit and Windsor.

There's so much more, but... WOW. I love the Internet.

Oh My God

I am a motherfucking genius.

A couple weeks back, I'd posted this brain-bomb after Dazd dangled an exceptionally tempting-looking carrot in front of my face:

At September 23, 2008 4:39 PM, allee

Doooooood. You chose some of my favoritest subjects today: The economy and the Depression.

Since I feel the Federal Reserve Act was a crime perpetrated against the American people, I cannot help but feel this "bailout" is little more than saying the first crime was no big deal and allowing a second to justify the first. Like we decided it was okay to knock an old lady down to steal her purse then letting the thief came back to kick her and rob her again because he forgot her wedding band. And laughing about it.

The central bank creates an environment leading us where we seem all too willing to follow - false manipulation of the markets to tweak a penny until it screams for the benefit of the banking elite followed by, unfortunately, the inevitable fast and hard blow in the form of recession that (of course) strikes the little guy below the belt just because he bought food and shelter instead of a nut cup.

The more manipulation, the harder the retaliation by the economy; much like in physics, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Factor in the natural ebb and flow of the economy and you've got a disaster waiting to happen. LIKE THE ENVIRONMENT, the economy has mechanisms of self-correction. We don't like how those make us feel, though; they don't leave us feeling all warm and gooey inside, so we try to avoid them by manipulating the system. But like water behind a dam, stuffing bubble gum in one hole doesn't keep the water from flowing, it only forces the water to find another outlet. Eventually, (and I love this analogy, so I use and over-abuse it) we experience the financial equivalent of Teton... The Great Depression.

Unfortunately, we didn't learn the lessons taught to us by history, so we are doomed to repeat it. We've allowed much more sophisticated manipulation and on much grander scale since the time of the Great Depression. Those self-corrections will be much harsher than those of the past and [sic] in turn, the results far worse. I know I've ranted my doom and gloom before, last time you dangled this subject in front of me, but I say it again. The next Depression will be far more devastating than the last - economically and socially.

This is interesting reading, if you're interested:

http://www.kwaves.com/kond_overview.htm

Okay, I know some of you think I am just a lunatic, that I drank a little too much Kool-Aid or maybe was dropped on my head too many times as an infant. You may be right, except for the Kool-Aid Part, since the only sugar in liquid form I drink is Mountain Dew. But aren't all geniuses a little weird around the edges?

Once again, I was right. Once again, I was ignored by pretty much everyone. But instead of saying "I told you so," I'll just let you in on a little secret: It's time to prepare for the final meltdown - NOW.

Have you ever watched footage of the Teton collapse? Fascinated by this event, never having learned about it in school but on (I believe) the History Channel some months back, I began reading about it, interested and wanting to know more. That was when I had my "epiphany." Our economic system and the markets of its operation are man-made constructs, subject to the same faults of engineers but also subject to falling victim to human greed. The economic version of the Teton breached and ruptured once already. Instead of taking instruction from the mistakes of our past, moving forward yet leaving the ghastly remains of our failure in plain sight so as not to repeat it, we just started shovelling even more dirt in the hole, rebuilding that same damn dam on the site of the first, burying that failure and hoping it will be soon forgotten.

Time passes, memories fade, and eventually those of the generation that survived the first rampaging flood pass away, future generations not learning from the experiences of their fathers and their father's fathers. Except someday, the water will once again leak through.

(This may seem like diverging off topic, but now you will see my true genius)

The environment, nature, Planet Earth, has series of natural cycles, rhythms, waves. Whatever terminology you prefer, the premise behind all is that there are upswings and downswings. There is a rich geological and archaeological record documenting the planet's - as in GLOBAL - warming and cooling periods dating back millennia. What causes this? Is it Man, plundering natural resources and polluting the ecosystem and creating global warming? Absolutely not. In fact, Man has little to do with it. Global warming (and cooling) results from the combination of planetary tilt and rotation, orbital deviations, gravitational pulls by other celestial bodies, and even the movement of our solar system within the Milky Way and the galaxy's course across the universe. Nothing will EVER occupy the same "place" twice in an infinite universe in which all components are in continuous motion right down to the atomic level. (Is that profound, or what?) Astrophysics on steroids.

Lesson #1: Man is but an insignificant speck when considered in context of an infinite universe. All things being equal, the entire population of planet Earth, all 6.6 billion of us - including me - is but an insignificant speck when considered in context of an infinite universe.
Lesson #2: Man is only a marginally more significant speck when considered in context of the finite proportions of Planet Earth. However, all things being equal, the entire population of planet Earth, all 6.6 billion of us, is just a really fucking annoying parasite.

We (humans) glorify ourselves, thinking we are so important that we have the ability to effect some truly horrific, radical destruction of the Earth. In reality, the worst we could ever do would be to effect some truly horrific, radical destruction of ourselves as a species. Asteroids and comets have pummelled the face of the Earth, but the Earth has endured, nature has responded and adapted, improved upon itself, strengthened and grown, incorporating and enveloping that foreign space rock into itself. Even if we nuked the shit out of each other, the Earth would endure, nature would respond and adapt, improve upon itself, strengthening and growing, incorporating and enveloping each of us back into itself. So are we really as powerful as we lead ourselves to believe?

Upswings and downswings. Any attempt we make to change the natural course of the environment will be met by an inherent self-correction. The more manipulation we exert, the harsher the correction: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Eventually, diddling around with it too much gives you the kind of situation you can watch in high-definition in movies like The Day After Tomorrow. (Yes, I know this is a movie, a work of fiction, but all creative works have some basis in reality.) We - as in humans, specifically ALL humans - got carried away and exacerbated and/or accelerated the natural cycles of the environment; and nature responded, mitigating the effects of our abuses with what was best for the planet, even if it was not what was best for it's inhabitants.

The economy is a dynamic, almost "living" entity, created by man but in many ways similar to the environment. Its very nature has endowed it with the ability to grow and adapt, giving it the same self-correction capabilities found in nature. The more we manipulate it, the harsher the correction. The meddling within the system is causing it to self-correct. Instead of allowing it to do so, further manipulation is attempted.

Eventually, just like the cracks the formed in the face of the Teton, the cracks begin to form within the economic structure; and eventually the breach will rupture and carry us all downstream. This is the ultimate in self-correction, the Body's capacity to maintain equilibrium, what is best for the economy, even if it is not what is best for the manipulators.

I saw a video clip a while back, Nancy Pelosi asking what was so great about the Great Depression? I'll tell her what was so great about it. It was a Great Opportunity for us to learn and grow and fill in the holes and gaps and cracks in that dam we insisted on rebuilding; but instead of learning, we shrugged it off - our Great Folly - and now we will pay a Great Price.

Back in the Day

I remember back in the day... When primary education actually seemed to involve filling children's heads with knowledge, giving them a solid foundation on which to develop the skills needed to transition into a future beyond the walls of the institution; to enable them to step into society and be productive, willing and able to support themselves and their families; to allow them to grow and function within the community; to make them strong in body and mind and able to survive.

I'm only 35, but times sure have changed.

Four of my six children attend the very same public schools I did as a youth: The same elementary, middle, and high schools. Two of my children have been singled out, unable to walk those same halls of learning; and my husband and I were forced to make a choice:

Michigan School For The Deaf... or
The Hearing Impaired Program within the Saginaw County school district.

I know--and accept--that there are few Deaf families in our area. I know that this "lack of need" limits the choices available to us, but it bothers me how this directly impacts the outcome of my children's education. They are "different" than their siblings and essentially every other child in the community; in the eyes of the world beyond the walls of our home, my children are "broken" and need to be "fixed."

I want to close that gap and bring our worlds together. I want to eliminate the disparity in the "fairness" in dealing with Deaf children and Deaf adults. I know these are lofty goals and will take monumental effort to reach, but the situation my family faces is NOW, an immediate and pressing need. The "right" decision today could bring us one step closer to realizing those goals and ensuring my children's future in society, and I insisted on enrolling them in the local school program. A large part of this was due to their tender ages (our daughter age 4 at the time, now 6; and our son, currently age 3), but I admit that I wanted them "mainstreamed" into a society that has historically willfully and deliberately excluded "their kind." I wanted them to have a fighting chance at a decent education and a decent job. At the same time, I needed them to be able to embrace BOTH cultures (Deaf and Hearing) they are entitled to claim, rather than isolating them into a strictly deaf community at a Deaf school, where they are exposed only to other Deaf. This obviously poses problems with trying to open up another world to them--the Hearing world.

At the time, I felt it was the right decision. Although both children are profoundly Deaf, they (seem to be required to) use hearing aids while in the public school; neither child minds using them, so that was never really an issue. Our daughter had come from an environment where her Deafness was looked upon as only a disability, rather than a feature of her identity, and was not well educated in a language suitable for her abilities--American Sign Language. When she came to us at age 4, her communication level was years behind her chronological age and she had a long way to go to catch up to her Deaf peers, as she had only received language instruction for one year while in foster care prior to coming to us; the first 3 years of her life, she had basically none, biological mother refusing to accept her Deafness because she wanted the girl to be Hearing and not Deaf, and teaching her more than basic signs (food, eat, bed, etc.) would have been surrendering the battle--regardless of her daughter's best interests.

She loved school, loved her teacher, loved her classmates. Throughout pre-K and kindergarten, her day was split between "deaf" and "hearing" classes--exactly what I wanted. This year, however, she appears to be only in a "hearing" classroom. She said they don't always give her her hearing aids, eliminating any possibility of making use of her tiny bit of residual hearing, but she is upset because the teacher does not use ASL--my daughter's primary language--to communicate with her and she has no interpreter, so she is lost. She is upset, as are my husband and I, since this was not the program outlined to us when we enrolled her. Even at the age of 6, she recognizes the inappropriateness of this; and I, as a parent, have realized that not only is she not TRULY being mainstreamed into a hearing society as I desired, she is once again being willfully and deliberately excluded.

My husband has taken her to MSD and she is interested, so we would like to see if she can attend some of the MSD programs while still being a student at the other school and transition her gradually from one environment to the other. I imagine the answer will be "no," with the fucked up way inter-district applications are handled. We needed to get "permission" from our home district to allow her go to other school. Apparently since they live in one district and funding goes there, they have to "release" a student to reassign funding, or some stupid shit like that. I never really understood it, and the red tape is enough to piss any rational person off.

As for my "normal" children: The difference between what I learned in school and what they are learning today within those same walls is like black and white, disturbing on many levels.

In the 2nd grade, I was required to memorize and recite the multiplication tables through 12. My middle son still could not do this by the 5th grade, this exercise in and of itself deemed "unnecessary." In the same middle school he now attends, I was able to choose from many elective classes including band, art, computers, home economics (with actual cooking and sewing), drama class, wood shop, and drafting. Gym class involved actual exercise and sports like basketball, softball, football, and volleyball; we performed aerobics and gymnastics; and we made use of the school's top-notch indoor pool. I was offered advanced placement classes in history, math, social studies, English, science, and more. Now, the drafting room has been replaced by a "tech lab." The swimming pool has been closed for years. The theater and wood shop are only available to high school students. The art and home economics rooms have been divided into smaller classrooms and a teachers' lounge, those classes dropped from the curriculum. Gym class is no more.

Where I learned to cook and sew and paint in classes so many of us loved, now the students have no access and the classes and classrooms have been eliminated. Do children of today have no use for skills like cooking and sewing? No need to creatively express themselves on a canvas, with a mold of clay or fresh piece of lumber? No need to exercise their bodies as well as their minds?

Far more distressing, though is the quality of the CORE education my children are receiving in what is left of the curriculum, although this was already dubious in the latter days of my public school experience. My son, now in the 8th grade, cannot even tell me who President Taft was and identifies Kennedy only as "Ain't that the guy who got his head blown off?" He knows nothing of the rich geological history of our state outside of what I have taught him with jaunts to Keweenaw, Iron Mountain, Sault Ste. Marie, Porcupine Mountains, Fayette, and Pequaming. He has little to no knowledge of our own local history and assumed I was "pulling his leg" when describing the scheme to span Michigan's lower peninsula with a series of canals and the spectacular failure of that venture. So much history yet little more than a curiosity, hardly worthy of even a footnote, buried and forgotten.

I did attempt homeschooling once. I was forced to admit defeat when my son refused to do a lesson, telling me me "We don't have to do that in REGULAR school," after assigning 10 words from the dictionary to define and use in a sentence--an exercise we did weekly while I attended "regular school."

When conveying knowledge to my children, I feel it appropriate to turn every experience, every activity, into a learning experience--like taking them to places rich in history--a way to grow the mind and learn to look to the past while blazing the way into the future, and having a good time doing it. "The institution" only shoves them out in a quest to pass government-mandated standardized tests that teach nothing about preparing for the future and even less about learning from history, not just about it.

Totally Ready

I am totally ready for another change to the face I present The Blogosphere, but nothing has tickled my fancy yet. My fancy seems to have vacated the premises, a deduction I'm basing on the complete and utter lack of response I've gotten from it lately. Bitch went on vacation and didn't invite me. I want something funky. Or classy. Or bold and sassy, shiny as the Brass Nuts I proudly display on my mantle, polished to a bright finish. ***I don't really have nuts, brass or otherwise. I don't even have a mantle. But it sounds cool, doesn't it?***

My mind's a little fuzzy, so I need to find new pursuits, I guess. Personal and professional. I've gotten over my infatuation with the medical field, in every way, shape, and form. Modern medicine has failed me over and over, then got me with the Big Nellie, bent me over the exam room table and .... never mind. Anyhow, I've decided I will most definitely not be pursuing a career in the profession, since I could never look my patients in the eye and hand them the load of shit I've been handed for far too long.

In my past life, I used to go bowling and sometimes biking and hiking and I painted and did all kinds of cool shit. With the loss of most of the use of my dominant right arm and little to no fine or even gross motor skills, or much of the use of my legs for that matter, I was stumped as to what hobbies might excite the inner "me," having been deprived of ALL the things I loved to do.... save one. Reading. I have always loved reading above all else, and I was thankful fine and gross motor had nothing to do with it. Until my eyesight decided to take a shit on me, too.

Because I'm so good at reading and it's something I love doing, I've read and read and read some more, (gotta love CTRL++, to make the fonts BIG) and come up with a lot of "what ifs" and done a lot of AH-HA!-ing, in my quest to beat this monster that's been diddling my mind, my body, and my entire life the past 2 years. Diseases like MS were made for people like me. And that's the reason why--I'm not afraid to exercise my "cranial muscle."

A couple of interesting things I've come up with:

1. There is a strong association between MS and viral illnesses, particularly Epstein-Barr, a member of the herpes family. I contracted EPV in high school and was out of commission for months. Years later, crushing fatigue and malaise were written off by my physician as reactivation mono, not digging deeper to find the gold nugget of truth or even broaching the possibility that there could be something far more sinister at work.
   
2. There is a link between MS and vitamin B deficiencies, particularly B12. I was diagnosed with pernicious anemia at age 22 and have been self-injecting cyanocobalamin since 1995. In hindsight, this diagnosis is really quite absurd considering all the factors (young age, white race, NO family history). My doctor stated I was at risk for developing MS and SLE, something the other doctor ignored later while revisiting mono, but I had been advised all those years ago to be tested routinely. Testing doesn't always produce a diagnosis, though. There really is no 100% definitive test for entities classified as autoimmune dysfunction, only an educated guess based on constellation of symptoms and abnormal laboratory tests, and even then criteria must be met before a patient can receive a firm diagnosis (screw the 5% of MSers that have a NORMAL MRI scan or have only ONE lesion, treatment is REFUSED until you have an ABNORMAL scan showing AT LEAST TWO lesions, even if it means loss of vital functions that may have been preserved with treatment. This was my case, but.... I'M.NOT.BITTER.).
3. Pregnancy often induces MS into remission, but the mechanisms behind this are unclear, whether it be hormones (testing is underway with a specific estrogen receptor) or the fact that a woman's immune system is lowered during pregnancy, or ?????. That explains why I felt great for a couple of years, two back-to-back pregnancies, but then it kicked my ass even harder after my son was born. As disgusted as I am with you-know-who, during ovulation I feel an overwhelming urge for him to impregnate me. Killing two birds with one stone. Or three. Kicking the MS for a few months, satisfying my screaming uterus, and having a weewiddleone to cuddle and snuggle and teach and watch grow.... Call me crazy. I love new baby smell. Even poop.

Some weeks back, I got so pissed with Modern Medicine, I stopped my Copaxone injections. I figured "What's the point?" I was having - to date - my worst flare ever, worse than the original symptoms leading me to suspect MS and more disturbing than the optic neuritis-related flare I had last summer. So this shitty medicine that cost $1900 a month and which the manufacturer cannot even explain how it works (if it works) because they don't understand the chemical processes and which DOES NOT CURE the disease but only TRIES to reduce exacerbations does not seem to work for me. Tie into the fact that I believe wholeheartedly my NL has misdiagnosed me as RRMS when I more rightly fit PPMS, and the medication is not for those folks anyhow, so I didn't see where it mattered. And I was tired of the bruises.

I raided the vitamin store, based on what I found when reading. Everything from Omega 3-6-9 to vitamins of every letter of the alphabet, and everything in between. I jumped in with both feet and bought a basket full of goodies, a little worried in the back of my mind about starting so many new things at one time and *gasp* without the advice and recommendation of my physician! but saying FUCK IT out loud. I bought a 7-day pill minder, one of those M/N/E/B sorts. Then I sat down with a sheet of paper (no spreadsheet, har!har!) and devised my own treatment regimen.

DH's eyes about bugged out of his head and I heard him say "motherfucker" as I swallowed a handful of pills in one giant gulp. Four times a day. After a couple of weeks, I started getting some feeling back in my arms and legs. Another week, and I could move my flaccid right arm, even lift it over my head. Another, and the vision in my right eye went from a dark gray curtain shuttering my eyesight to a light gray fog that I could distinguish shapes AND COLORS within, something I have not been able to do for more than a year. Several weeks of intense vitamins, and I can now walk up and down the stairs without crawling, tap my feet to the music, and recently at my nephew's wedding reception even danced with DH when he asked me.

Where will my journey lead me? Who knows, but at least now I feel I will walk there instead of being pushed in a wheelchair.

Conquering the Beast - Part II

OK. So here's what happened. Amidst all the grinding and clanking inside my head, bells and whistles started going off. I was in an entirely different type of search mode when I pulled up a new Google window, exercising my mental, mechanical, and "electronical" prowess.

I wanted one I could get my hands on immediately, but the one at Radio Shack looked shitty. Best Buy didn't sell the kind I needed. I finally came across one at Circuit City, exactly what I had in mind, and the Saginaw store is only an hour's drive from here so I ordered it for pickup in the store. I bought a USB external hard drive.

I brought it home and gutted the HDD from my Pavilion (hence, the transplant), installed it in the external drive, and hooked it up to my husband's computer - AND THERE WAS ALL MY SHIT!

I am so amazing, I should be patented or something. I figured that one out all on my own, after the "experts" said "too bad."

Although I ordered a PC last Friday, it won't be ready until Wednesday and I need to work NOW, so I informed DH that I was appropriating his computer in the meantime. Of course, he was pissed (because I'd have access to his "personal" things he hides from me, like chats with his "girlfriend." OH.OH.OH. Aside: Last week he tells her that I am "shorty life," to which she responded, "I'm sorry" {since when does the "girlfriend" of a cheating "husband" feel sorry that his wife is dying???} and he said "I don't need pity," which then prompted her to tell him how brave he was - I'm the one who's fucking dying but HE'S the one who's brave????? What-the-fuck-ever!!!). He was even more pissed when I said I wanted the tower brought down to my office from the upstairs bedroom where he had it, arguing with me about it, even though there's no regular fucking phone line up there for me to hook up my OTHER job's equipment, only the ethernet cable, and I need both.

So he brings it down and - strangely - the NIC won't work, so I can't get internet access to do my fucking work anyhow. And of course, "What did you do to my computer?" even though 'twas not I who unhooked and moved it.

Conquering the Beast

My closest friend of the past 6 years has passed from this realm to the next, leaving me bereft and suffering. We spent so much time together, it was as though we'd become one, inseparable as that piece of duct tape that gets folded over onto itself after you rip it off the roll. I knew my friend inside and out, doing my best to help when a virus struck and dancing with glee with recovery, all the while -naively - expecting the relationship to last. The passing was so sudden, so unexpected, I was left stunned and alternating between tears of grief and rage, finally moved beyond devastation by the transplant gift that had been left behind.

July 24, 2008 - Rest in Peace

HP Pavilion 310n

You were a good computer.

Cause of death? The decision (whether made by Hewlett-Packard or by Microsoft, I know not), to load XP System Recovery software on the hard drive instead of giving you a FUCKING DISK like they used to (you want a disk, you gotta pay for it, even though you technically already paid for it when you bought the computer).

System Recovery and its related shit is stored in a protected partition on the hard drive, and no software CDs of any kind, including the OS, were included when I bought the computer NEW from Best Buy. The files are right there and CDs cost too much and blah blah blah (the bullshit I was fed the first time I used this function a couple of years ago, by some dough-head at HP). Fine in theory, but what happens when your OS becomes corrupted and you cannot access that function, even in Safe Mode?

In April, I was moaning about my computer being slow and locking up all the time, supposedly because I didn't have enough RAM (annoying little pop-up system messages told me so), so I went and got some more RAM: $60 for 2 cards to the PC's maximum capacity of 512 MB. Yes, I spent that much money on a 6-year-old computer. I was so amazed at how much faster it was after that, I could have kicked myself in the head for not having upgraded years ago.

The all-gooey-inside feeling didn't last long, though.

I started getting system pop-ups again, I checked and found that my system was only running 256 instead of 512. I don't know why this happened, but I thought about calling Centon about a replacement (lifetime warranty!!!). Unfortunately, I was working (and it was the middle of the night), so I started up my Sony Digital Voice Editor, but it wouldn't do anything. Task Manager showed it "not responding." This happened once before and I just had to uninstall and reinstall it, so I tried that. It still didn't work. I didn't get too worked up at that point, knowing all was well and good in the weeks prior and I could roll the PC back to a restore point.

Wrong.

System Restore chose not to cooperate, so I tried System Recovery. I've used this function twice since I bought the PC, both times using the Big Daddy and completely reformatting the user partition and starting from scratch. This actually takes a lot of convincing on your part (ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS? ALL DATA WILL BE LOST - no shit, Sherlock), but this time I was not having the problems I had before and chose the "nondestructive" recovery, which claimed it would not harm my files and other software. Click. Click. Click. It starts its thing and I twiddle my thumbs for 30 minutes.

Time to reboot. No problem. HP and Windows screens. The famous chimes that cry at startup. Then.... the HP registration screen? Ummm. OK. It's already filled out with the junk from before, so I click "Next" and move on. Finally, up comes the sound card test screen, where you tell the system whether or not you hear sound. I hear no sound, but the little asshole in the sweater doesn't give me any help in figuring out the problem. Instead, he opened his virtual "door" and left my screen. Prick. I'll work it out later, I think, and clicked "Next" one more time.

That was the last "Next" my Pavilion ever saw in its life.

The computer froze. Not a component was stirring, not even the mouse. After about 20 minutes of cussing, I killed it at the switch. When restarting, the Windows screen loaded and waited, then went black. After a few minutes, there's a pop-up telling me that I had an LSASS.EXE SYSTEM ERROR, when trying to update the password, the return status indicates that the password is not correct.... then suddenly it shuts down and restarts. Again and again. I hit F8 to get into Safe Mode, but it was the same error, as it was with LNG. It would have looped like this for all of eternity had I let it, but I had mercy enough to pull the plug.

NOW what the fuck do I do? My work's on there. My photos are on there. ALL OF MY SPREADSHEETS are on there.

I got onto another PC, furiously searching the web for an answer. There's 800 million tech forums out there, someone's got to have an answer; I know I'm not the first person this has happened to. I was right, and multiple people had posted on multiple forums about THE EXACT SAME ISSUE: lsass.exe system error, password, blah blah blah, and no CD issued. Those responding on these forums were OH.SO.HELPFUL. Most instantly threw out "Sasser virus" as the answer with a link to get rid of it, obviously not understanding the exact nature of the problem; after all, how are you going to click the link if you can't even boot the system? One wiseguy, seeing that there was no CD and snickering behind his hands, only asked "Who'd you pirate XP from?" without giving any kind of answer. Knowledgeable AND helpful. Another popular one was "XP failure, use your CD and reinstall." How do I fix it if I don't have a startup CD because THEY DID NOT ISSUE ONE WITH THE PC? Answer: Do a System Recovery. Yeah, that's helpful, seeing as how THE OS HAS TO FINISH LOADING TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT and since that's what's not working....

OH.MY.GOD.

I can deal with the fact that my computer died and I have to replace it, but my primary concern was all the stuff I had on there - photos of my kids, the only IRREPLACEABLE things on the computer - that had not been backed up yet and how do I get it off the disk? Again, the forums were oh-so-helpful in answering that question, too. Most just responded with some variation of "Too bad, the computer's screwed and so are you." Others suggested using (and paying through the nose for ) a data recovery service.

I was on my own. As usual. But I had little gears grinding hard inside my head.

I changed tacks, looking at stuff kind of related "around the edges" of my problem. Eventually I came across some information that, in a flash of clarity, made me realize those dudes on the tech forums just talk to hear the sound of their own voices (or to see their avatar proudly displayed as though it conveys some type of authority in the world of silicone and ether), imparting advice upon the desperate and the ignorant, all the while ignoring the single most important lesson ever taught in the history of mankind:

2 + 2 = 4

If the problem is the OPERATING SYSTEM, why is my data "screwed"? These are separate beasts prowling in jungles on separate continents, so to speak. And why do I need to pay for data recovery when the data files should not be corrupted, just because the OS files are? (And why can't Microsoft give you a motherfucking C: prompt when XP is installed on your system so you can fix the problem yourself, those dirty bastards!)

I conquered the beast. I'll tell you how, but next time. This post is too long.

For Better or Worse

I love when someone challenges me, presents me with different sides of an argument or issue and gives me something meaningful to mentally and philosophically grind on, something I did not have before to incorporate into my own beliefs system and/or opinions--especially when that someone happens to be a person whom I admire and deeply respect as I do Shannon.

In one of my recent rants, I went off half-cocked and more than a little pissed and, unfortunately, offended her. I will not apologize for my opinions, since they're mine and mine alone and I don't expect others to embrace them, only to respect them as being mine. However... because I failed to express myself adequately - too much going on all at once in my head and my fingers couldn't get it all out, much like a mush-mouth that can't speak fast enough to keep up with racing thoughts - and the lack of clarity with which I presented my opinion left it open for interpretation as offensive, I do apologize for that. I should have expounded on my statements and explained my feelings.

Shannon left an amazingly thought-provoking comment regarding that post:

As a 34 year old adult, it's easy for me to say that nobody could force or coerce me into anything but I'm not at all certain that confidence of self is easy to find in any 16 year old pregnant girl. Especially a 16 year old unwilling or unable to tell her own parents about the situation with the mother of her boyfriend so married to the idea of aborting that she forged a consent form. That's some pretty powerful persuasion in my opinion; no the mom didn't drive her there but it doesn't sound like she encouraged the girl to explore all of her options. Being able to have sex doesn't imbue with intelligence, obviously, but being 16 means by virtue of limited life experience the people who are advising you should actually have your best interest at heart. This was obviously not the case.

While I'm not sure what having the other mother in jail will solve, at the end of the day if it's all about responsibility then it would seem right that she should do the time for doing the crime.

I won't get into the logistics of what electing McCain could well do to a woman's right to choose, as in yes you're technically correct about his ability to ''pass a law'' but it's
no secret that any ruling effecting choice (or making it an issue of states rights) would come from the Supreme Court and we all know who appoints those judges.

And as a point of fact, without involving the Supreme Court, a law was passed banning so-called ''partial birth abortion'' (a medical procedure that doesn't actually exist, by the way) which effects not just a woman's right to choose to continue a pregnancy but effects the right of families to choose life or death for mothers with pregnancies that go horribly, horribly amiss. I cannot fathom anyone reading Cecily's story http://www.uppercasewoman.com/wastedbirthcontrol/losing_my_twins_or_how_i_became_the_internet_poster_girl_for_partial_birth_abortion/index.html) and speaking so easily of women who somehow need to take responsibility or the implied judgment of somehow learning a lesson by continuing an unwanted or worse, deadly, pregnancy.

Obviously, I am pro-choice but I am also apparently one of those you feel need to take responsibility because my first pregnancy was both unplanned and a complete surprise (pill + condom) which ended with my son dying after a month of intensive care. By your math, because in this ''birth control saturated society'', I am no brighter and am, in fact, just as ''stupid'' as the 16 year old. Months later, I was again pregnant after again practicing safe sex to a ridiculous degree KNOWING that any future children would meet the same end as our Jackson. The decision to not continue the pregnancy was taken from me when I mis-carried but there is no way in hell I would have continued that pregnancy knowing the end result would be another infected child, born only to suffer before succumbing as did his brother before him. To know that in your opinion my option had I not had a mis-carriage would be a wire hanger saddens me at a visceral level.

To which I respond, respectfully:

As a 35-year-old adult, I can reflect on myself as a 16-year-old with nearly 20 years of hindsight. At 16, at 18, at 21, and even now at 35, I was and continue to be a strong-willed individual with a solid beliefs system, not rigid and inflexible but resilient enough to be open-minded without fear of being easily swayed into complacency, compliance, and conformity. I equate that to "confidence of self" and it is part of what defines me as an individual. I knew then and continue to know now that the consequences of my silence, as I stated previously, would be far more grave than owning up to the reality of the current situation - not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. Anyone who does NOT know or understand this has been failed by those whose duty it was to teach them this and other invaluable life lessons.

Persuasion or not on the part of the boy's mother, some part of this girl WANTED that abortion, whether she acknowledges it or not - she may not even realize this and is likely having conflicting feelings about the pregnancy, the abortion, and every action and reaction occurring since - or she would not have gone to the lengths she did, seeking the forged consent and then using it. "Persuasion" was probably also a factor in her parents' actions against the other mother and yet one more set of circumstances this girl fell into and allowed herself to be swept away by.

I agree with you 100%, the woman who signed that form failed this girl in every way imaginable, but that was not what had me so pissed off at the time, and I stated as much. Although the girl was not her own daughter, this woman took on a modified role beyond that of "boyfriend's mother" the day her son impregnated the girl--and she had a responsibility not only to the girl but TO HER OWN SON to (as you perfectly worded it) "[encourage them] to explore all of [their] options." I also agree, sexual capabilities and intelligence have absolutely nothing to do with each other. In fact, I've witnessed situations where they were mutually exclusive: While working in an OB/GYN office, I encountered a 19-year-old patient in the midst of her 4th pregnancy who had no clue that sex caused her "condition," and obviously neither did her boyfriend - unless he did and was withholding that information from her, which to me is an act of malice.

No, having this woman in jail will solve nothing in the end. Judging by her actions, she seems the type of person willing to do anything to accomplish her own goals, no matter what the cost, an entirely selfish motivation and desire to manipulate others including her own child and another child under her care, and she will likely never change. She violated the law. She violated the children's trust. She violated the parent-child relationship within another family. She deserves more than just a year in jail, but unfortunately that is what she got. In no way was I defending her actions, because in reality I think she's even more stupid than the girl: She was manipulating people in order to satisfy her own needs and desires (the larger part of me seriously doubts her claim that it was in her son's interest so he could go to college, the case more likely being she wasn't "ready to be a grandma," while the girl was only manipulating people at the behest of her own parents).

As for the McCain discussion, I only pointed it out because of the literal terms it was presented on the message board: "If McCain does pass the law..." Too often I see the failings of the education system in action in general ignorance of how the government actually works. What you say is true about the Supreme Court and appointments of justices and the ramifications of their decisions for all of us--their interpretation of the "law" subjective based on their experiences, education, beliefs, and particularly politics, but that is just the icing on the cake in my argument that the law and lawmakers and lawyers need to be less consumptive of people's decision-making ability and less destructive of people's lives as a result.

I consider myself to be "pro-choice" as well, but I apply a different definition to this term than most do. By MY definition, pro-choice is not strictly tied to the abortion issue but in securing every individual's right to make their own choices, no matter what the topic of discussion. Each of us must make life-changing decisions and WE are the ones who must live with the consequences. Some faceless lawyer or panel of judges should never have the right to dictate those decisions to us, forcing us down a path of consequences we as individuals - not the judge - must live with, without having made that choice for ourselves. If I want to have an abortion or not, choose to vaccinate my children or not, send my children to a public school or not, wear my seat belt or not, smoke cigarettes or not, consume salt and grease and candy and caffeine or not - those decisions are mine to make and I am willing to live with the consequences, but they should not be made for me and I should not be forced to live with the costs when I had no part in choosing. In the ultimate decision-making process, we must each choose for ourselves:

Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many be they that enter in thereby. --Matthew 7:13

No politician or judge can make that decision for me, and this is a driving power guiding me in every decision I must make; I don't need SCOTUS attempting to push me through what I believe is the wide gate, ya know?

Thank you for the link to Cecily's story. I did read through some of her posts and agree with some of her points but would also like to expand upon them with my own, colored with my own "pro-choice" standard, the most profound being this:

So it's easy to read my story and say, oh, yes, in case LIKE YOURS, abortion should be legal. But... when laws are passed that make it difficult for that teenage girl to get to exercise the right to control her own body--hey, I'm looking at you, Ms. Clinton, for not standing up harder against the parental notification laws--or for the professional woman to be able to fill a prescription, quietly, for RU486 at her local pharmacy so she can make her choice as well, or that harried mother to do the same thing--when those laws are passed, it's women like me that die. When you cut corners, you don't save babies lives. You kill women like me.

Let me say that again. When you compromise on abortion--when you sacrifice even the smallest corner of choice--you kill women like me. You create a culture of fear among doctors that puts lives like mine at risk.

There should be no abortion debate. There should be no compromise on abortion. There should be no concessions or sacrifices regarding choices and absolutely NEVER be a manipulation of the doctor-patient relationship by ANY branch of the government - from the legislature to the judicial system. A decision like this should be made strictly by a woman and her partner and her doctor. PERIOD.

While I do not generally agree with the practice of abortion (including "partial-birth abortion," which although is not medically classified as such - there is no CPT code for a procedure by that name - there is, in fact, a late-term abortion procedure to which this is referring, as Cecily stated in her post), I believe there are cases in which it is warranted - those "acceptable" cases, as she describes them. I have found myself exceptionally disgusted, seeing a young woman denied an abortion simply because she was a Medicaid recipient, refused while at their expense, yet the state was willing to provide for prenatal care and delivery and "heroic measures" made in an effort to save a severely deformed infant (who would be the recipient of intensive, aggressive, EXPENSIVE medical care FOR LIFE) as well as the mother, whose life was jeopardized by continuing the pregnancy and carrying to term, let alone trying to deliver - a cost of potentially hundreds of thousands of "taxpayer dollars" versus a couple of hundred and at immense emotional distress to the woman. For what reason? Policy. Dictated by politicians. Enforced by the courts. Consequences of which lived with by the patient. It's not a conversation I take lightly by any means, and the point I was trying to make was not at all about "somehow learning a lesson by continuing an unwanted or worse, deadly, pregnancy."

As for you and your situation, I must mention that I have been reading your blog for a while and am aware of your circumstances only insofar as you have chosen to share them with [us] me. I must at this point, as politely as I can, tell you that you have taken out of context my "responsibility versus birth control" argument and applied it to a completely different situation. Apples and oranges and all that. I stated, "She got knocked up. It happens." It DOES happen, and I think few would argue that point. However, I was not implying her stupidity factor as being related to her failure to use (or lack of efficacy of) birth control methods and her resultant pregnancy, but to her willingness to kowtow first to her boyfriend's mother in having the abortion and subsequent willingness to go along with bringing charges against her, claiming she was "coerced." Maybe she was and maybe she wasn't forced (she was definitely poorly counseled, as you pointed out). I don't know, I wasn't there; but again, a part of this girl must have wanted the abortion or she would not have done it, nor would she have gone to the lengths she did to have it done in the first place, then aggravating the situation by casting blame elsewhere. AGAIN, maybe she didn't understand her feelings and desire to terminate her pregnancy and didn't know how to deal with the emotions that followed. The point is, she is stupid in that she seems to lack ability to think for herself, doing what everyone else tells her to do.

You, Shannon, are nothing like this girl. "By [my] math," you were exercising birth control and got pregnant. It happens. No method of birth control (other than abstinence) is 100% effective. You were being responsible in your actions to try to prevent pregnancy, yet when it happened you stepped up and accepted it, courageously by what I gather, so there is no correlation between you and this girl whatsoever. With your next pregnancy, you continued to act responsibly, prior to, during, and after the fact. You were faced with a decision that I honestly cannot say how I myself would have reacted, but I understand and respect your (as a mother, I will say NEED) need, wanting to spare your baby the same fate as his brother. I applaud your ability to do this in a capacity that seems (to me) compassionate and caring and MOTHERLY. There is no way stupidity would enter into a reckoning of you and your actions - EVER - and nowhere in my reading of what you have posted have I ever gleaned any inkling that you laid the blame for your situation at anyone else's doorstep.

Finally, as to the wire hanger, I feel you have misconstrued (due to my lack of clarification) my objection to the original comment in this regard. First, I was appalled that someone would believe that women would need to "resort" to anything, particularly something as vile as a coat-hanger abortion (as a result of a decision forced upon them by bureaucrats who have no one's welfare in mind besides their own) when there ARE other options available, even in the event that abortion were illegal, if one is resourceful enough to seek them out. With that in mind, if a woman is ignorant enough to "resort" (I hate the context in which that was used, and I generally just don't like that word anyhow, it implies weakness) to just lying down and accepting mandates from the dictators, without seeking other alternatives or just standing up for her right to be a cognizant human being, then she gets what she deserves. I know it's harsh, it's cynical, it's probably even an ugly way to think, but if we don't stand up for our own rights, who will do it for us? Where we have allowed ourselves to be led as a society saddens ME on a visceral level.

Thank you, Shannon, for inspiring me to think deeper on this subject, for your comment, and above all for your willingness to challenge my opinions and thereby giving me a chance to grow in my beliefs.

It's Called "Population Control," People

People with serious diseases are finding themselves getting handed the shitty end of the stick when it comes to insurance copays on their medications. The medication costs can be enormous, and the insurer wants the insured to foot a bigger portion of the bill than their previous traditional copays of $10, $20, whatever, to 20% to 33%. The list of diseases in this article just happens to include multiple sclerosis, which you all know is my newfound "friend." These people with severe and chronic illnesses are the ones least likely to be working and earning an income in the first place, so let's sockittoem.

In terms of cold hard cash: The Copaxone injections I use for my MS cost $1740.13 for a 30-day supply, of which I pay a $40 copay. Under this "tiered" system, I would pay anywhere between $348.03 and $574.24 a month for my medication. This is an 870% to 1435% increase in my out-of-pocket cost just for the medication. This does not include the cost my employer and I fork over to the insurer in the first place just to have coverage, said cost having increased many-fold since I started working at the company a mere 7 years ago. Also keep in mind: This is not a medication to CURE my disease, merely to "try" to prevent acute exacerbations. This makes just so much sense, really. They'll NOT pay for medication to try to PREVENT an exacerbation, but they'll cover the much larger bills associated with hospitalization and testing and inpatient medications administered, etc., for an acute exacerbation. Yeah. Kind of like not paying for birth control or abortion but paying for prenatal care, labor and delivery, and then yet another child that will be covered on the policy.

So my choices are:
1. Fork over the cash (which is almost a whole week's pay) to get the medication to try to keep from getting worse and ending up on permanent disability, foregoing those pesky incidental expenses like rent, groceries, and electricity. I'll be living in a box on the street, but at least I'll have my medication!
2. Use my cash to pay for those pesky incidental expenses (above) and stop taking the medication, progressing in my disease process until I "expire." (That means "DIE" for those of you who don't know that medical term that bothers me for some reason, like we have a fucking date stamped on our butt cheek like a gallon of milk.)

I'm not wealthy. I can't afford to buy these medications. So I will just have to suck it up, accept the fact that I am poor and destined to die quicker than a wealthy individual who has the money to buy them to prolong not just their life, but their QUALITY of life.

That's why it's called population control. I've seen it for years, known it was happening and tried spreading the word but just being called a fruitcake or conspiracy theorist for my efforts. I've seen a young woman die of a completely treatable cancer just because of her insurance carrier's "policies." I've seen another woman beg and plead for money to abort a deformed fetus that would not survive delivery and likely would have killed the mother during said delivery, because Medicaid, her only healthcare coverage, would not pay for it: Two birds with one stone?

My Conspiracy Theory

Microsoft and HP are in cahoots to rip off the average idiot (me) over a many-year period of time to force them to buy new PCs every 2 to 3 years.

In 2002, in dire need of a new computer after someone (a cousin of a cousin) managed to get some ilk on my other PC that tore through the hard drive like the fires in Michigan's Upper Peninsula last summer, I went to Best Buy with a pocket full of cash. Being not so computer savvy, I (stupidly) relied on the salesman to help me pick out what would be best for me, a capital investment to be made in my transcription business and something I would use for years to come (at least 5, since that's what the IRS allows for depreciation on equipment).

I walked out of the store with an HP Pavilion 310n with a 1.1 GHz Celeron processor and thought I was just the cat's shit. Not knowing what all the little numbers meant anyhow and not thinking they really mattered, I didn't care, took it home and set it up. That fucker booted in 28 seconds flat. It burned a whole CD in less than 3 minutes. I was in my glory with that 1.1 GHz over the 333 MHz that was in my previous computer. I could have wet myself.

After a mere 3-1/2 years of use and abuse, my computer decided to take a shit on me for some unknown reason. It wasn't pretty. I lost some unimportant stuff (I'm a freak about backing up things) but got out of it relatively unscathed. Getting back to work, of course, involved doing a SYSTEM RECOVERY. In the apparent great wisdom of the powers that be, recovery CDs are NOT made available with the purchase of a new PC like they used to be, but it's not a complicated process to WIPE YOUR ENTIRE SYSTEM and start over from scratch, especially if you've backed up your junk.

No big deal. I was cruising again.

For a while.

It was maybe a year and a half later. The computer started bogging down on everything. It took 10 minutes to boot up and 10 minutes to shut down. If you opened more than one application, the whole computer would freeze and everything would show "not responding," which is really a bitch when you need one program to LISTEN to the dictation and a second program to TRANSCRIBE the dictation, and let's not even talk about having open an internet browser to research terminology. Task manager would take 10 minutes to open. It was officially a pile of shit. Then I got the bright idea, "Well, system recovery fixed it before, maybe it will again!"

So I tried it, and IT WORKED! Only by this time, XP Home (the OS on this hunk of shit) required Service Pack 2 and about 4800 security patches, so it took roughly 9-1/2 years off my life having to sit through downloads and installations. And putting all my shit back on the PC again. But I was up and running again! FOUR DAYS LATER. . . I was right back in the same boat and in a fit of screaming expletives at the computer and threatening to tie it to the rear bumper of the car and take it for a ride, I reformatted it AGAIN. And reinstalled AGAIN. And put my shit back on the computer AGAIN.

Now another year later, my computer took a shit on me yet one more time, and it was a big dirty stinky one, too. Fortunately, I had backup CDs in hand and just said SCREW YOU as I gleefully hit the system recovery option.

Do you want to do a system restore or a system recovery? Fuck that, I want to wipe this dirty fucker clean and put it out of my misery. RESTORE. MY. ASS.

Do you want to do a non-destructive application recovery or a destructive system recovery? Huh? I thought I just answered that question.

I did it. I wiped my hard drive, user partition, whatever the fuck you want to call it, I don't care. This time, for the life of me I couldn't figure out why it didn't ask me to download and install SP2. The computer worked great without it, so who gives a shit, right? It was running faster than ever, I could open 45 applications if I wanted and nothing even blinked, and Task Manager opened in about a nanosecond. All was good. I was shitting rainbows and puppy dogs.

For TWO DAYS.

In reading about XP, I've figured out what the problem is. HP churned out about a gazillion of these piles of shit with only 128 MB of RAM, pre-loaded them with Microsoft's shitty programs, so in the end all you have is a big pile of shit. I found out that the minimum recommended RAM for running XP is 256, so why the hell did they build them with only 128? And why the FUCK does it now cost me now $44.95 per module (2 needed) to get maximum RAM (512) on this pile of shit that's already 6 years old?

During the last update, I finally saw the forest for the trees. This thing ran great when I got it, ran great for a while each time I "recovered" it (factory installation at that time did NOT include SP2), and started turned to shit immediately after downloading and installing SP2.

Incidentally, my very first computer was purchased in 1995, an Acer Acros with a 386 processor and loaded with Windows 3.1. And guess what? I still have it, and I STILL USE IT! And even though it has no ethernet connections (the reason why I upgraded to the computer prior to this one, also an HP Pavilion), it's STILL a better computer than BOTH of my HPs put together!

Crooked Is As Crooked Does

I had a credit card issued by a company that shall remain nameless *cough Chase cough* some years ago, for several years. I missed ONE payment (being admitted to the hospital is no excuse for missing your payment, you know) and the APR jumped from 17% to 30%. ONE payment, mind you - no more, no less. On a balance of almost $7000, this was a huge hit to my wallet and the company REFUSED to budge when I requested a lower rate. The reason? I had canceled the card MYSELF previously. I've been paying 30% interest on this balance for almost 4 years now and haven't had a late payment since, yet they refuse to negotiate in any way, shape, or form. Period. End of story.

I put this into a financial calculator and found I would be paying on this stupid fucking credit card for the next 60+ years, to the tune of well over $100,000 (on $7000 "borrowed"). I almost had a fucking heart attack and a stroke all at once, right there on the spot. Talk about usury, but thanks to the Federal Government, those laws do not apply to banks issuing credit cards that have "National" or "N.A." in their name, blah blah blah.

Finally I had enough and said FUCK YOU. I went to CitiFinancial and applied for a loan. They gave me enough to pay off Chase plus a little extra for some medical bills headed into collections, so I could pay them off and protect my credit rating, which had finally started improving. Yeah, it was at like 25% APR, but it hands-down beat the 30% Chase was ass-raping me for and would be paid off in 60 months instead of 60 YEARS. I sure as hell ain't planning to stick around that long, especially not to fork over my cash to fuck faces like that.

I thought things are done, check in hand for the (supposed) payoff balance on the card. They tell me "Well, you see, the billing cycle's already started again and you'll have to pay the accrued interest." "Fine, how much is that?" I ask. "Well, I can't tell you that right now. You'll have to wait for your next statement." Four fucking days into a billing cycle and you can't tell me how much I owe you so I can pay you and be done?

Of course not, because that doesn't fit into their little game.

First day of the next billing cycle, I log on to my account online to pay the shitting balance. You know, the "accrued interest" for the 4 days of the previous cycle. $143.74.

WTF? For FOUR MOTHER-FUCKING DAYS?

Whatever. I pay it and once again think it's done.

But. . . of course, it's not.

I get ANOTHER statement from Chase with the next billing cycle. MORE accrued interest on the $143.74 for that single day. $1.00. ONE FUCKING DOLLAR? ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!

So next month I will have to pay you ANOTHER $1.00 for the "accrued interest" on that $1.00 - into infinity?

Oh, they were so kind as to "adjust" that $1.00 charge, of course. Not that it mattered, since I'm done with Chase. The day I paid it off, I took the check from Citi directly into the local Chase branch and bellied up to the counter. The gal who helped me asked me if I were interested in any financial services through Chase. I'm thinking to myself, "Uhhhh. . . I just brought you a check issued by YOUR COMPETITOR to pay you off, and you're asking me if I want MORE?" I told her "Not through Chase. I'll take my business to Citibank, since they didn't screw me for years without the benefit of a little Vaseline." It was mean, yes, and I know it wasn't HER fault, but I was pissed.

How Cool is This?

NCU Deaf Choir



Now maybe people can understand what I'm talking about when I say "melodies in motion."

Your Sign Lesson for the Day

This clip cracked me up, entitled "Signing for Deaf (With Translation for Dumb)":



This clip is a great presentation of the letters of the ASL alphabet, this this gentleman does a WONDERFUL job:



And featuring the same gentleman, numbers story in ASL: