My Growing Disgust

My level of disgust is growing exponentially in the public education system of this country.

DH and I have grumbled at each other back and forth about sending our Deaf children to the deaf school versus the hearing impaired program in a neighboring district. For the time being, I have so far come out on top in this grumbling, my wanting them to have a broader range of experience with the hearing world in which they will be living and functioning within in the future.

HOWEVER.... After reading my 3-year-old son's IEP report from that program, I am reconsidering the wisdom of that decision.

First, we have chosen (as is our right as parents - for now, anyhow) against cochlear implants at this time. There are a couple of reasons for this, but suffice it to say that MY grumbling involves personal choice and who the hell am I to force a life-altering ELECTIVE procedure on another human being - regardless of who it is - when there is no concrete evidence that:

1. Implantation of a device that, while effective in many people, will necessarily give my son with profound hearing loss much benefit, if any at all;
2. Implantation of a device that, while effective in many people, will NEVER "cure" deafness and remove the social stigma from my child that he is "broken" and, therefore, needed to be fixed;
3. Waiting until he is a bit older and can contribute his own opinion to the discussion will diminish his capacity for language in any way. This is very important, drawing the distinction here: Just because he uses a different language does not make him defective or incapable of effectively using any language. I am meeting more and more Hearing people that know (or are attempting to learn) American Sign Language. Knowledge is spreading, and that can only benefit him.
   

Second, considering the distance between our home and the two schools and the availability of bus transportation to the neighboring district as opposed to the deaf school, which is further away and we would have to provide our own transportation - unless we boarded on campus, which would be unreasonable in light of his young age - and having other children departing for/returning from school at various times during the day (5 children in 4 different schools due to their ages and various special needs and which building can accommodate them - it's a fucking nightmare, the roadblocks thrown in front of us in attempting to secure their "rights" to COMPULSORY education) all in combination with my work schedule, the public school option seemed perfect.

At least, it seemed perfect until I got this wad of shitty-looking pink paper that is his most recent IEP report.

Keep in mind, my son was born Deaf - profoundly Deaf, in fact - as a result of a heredity condition known as Waardenburg Syndrome. His characteristic white forelock, brilliant blue eyes, and skin hypopigmentation (and, of course, the deafness) are long-documented traits in his father's family extending back generations. Nearly the entire family is Deaf, and they are proud of their heritage and - most importantly - their culture. Our daughter was also born with sensorineural hearing loss and did use hearing aids for a time, but (strangely, perplexing even our otolaryngologist) her hearing was determined to be normal at age 2. Of course, having had limited hearing during those critical years has affected her verbal language, but now at age 4, she is working diligently to catch up - and she is truly bilingual (we used Total Communication with her from the start, with only moderate to severe as opposed to profound hearing loss and her more substantial residual hearing ability and capability of making use of hearing aids).

Anyhow, on to what got me all in a yank about this report.

Impact of disability on progress/involvement in the general curriculum:
Present level of academic achievement [spelled incorrectly in the report, BTW, "acheivment"] and functional performance and hearing loss impacts how he is able to:

• Locate the source or direction of the speaker and sound
  
• Discriminate between speech and noise in all settings of the school
• Hear oral directions, instruction, and discussion in the classroom or other activities
• Attend when listening for periods of time
• Hear peers or side conversations
• Progress in oral and written language development
• Follow through with auditory information due to competing sounds

Um, he is profoundly deaf, and amplification devices have proven to be of little benefit due to almost nonexistent residual hearing, so it would seem rational to conclude that he cannot and will not EVER be able to "overcome" a single one of these issues. Perhaps this is the reason Deaf and Blind children were funneled into institutions such as the Michigan School for the Deaf to meet their needs, as they would not be able to be met APPROPRIATELY in the environment of a mainstream public school.... Let alone the fact that verbal language has little impact on written language - many Deaf are capable of producing perfectly coherent ENGLISH written documents without ever having heard a spoken word in their lives. And don't even get me started on the ability of Deaf individuals to learn to SPEAK ENGLISH - and do it well (think Marlee Matlin).

Let us continue:

"[...] decreased communication skills interfere with his ability to communicate his needs and the ability to communicate knowledge within all educational settings."

Interesting, considering the sentence immediately preceding that states: (Emphasis mine)

"He has been very resistive to using signs functionally to communicate his wants and needs; however gains in this area have been noted during the past month."

This is interesting in the fact that we had brought our son into a homeschooling environment for several months at the beginning of this year (due to his lack of progress in the public school, among other reasons, up to and including his teacher removing his clothes to "inspect" him for bruises without our knowledge or consent, a fact that our son was able to communicate quite readily to us at home and for which the teachers had no reasonable explanation as to why they had done so) and only about a month ago sent him back because he missed the social interaction. Hmmmm.... homeschooled for several months with little to no progress prior to that time while in the public school, back in that same public school for about a month and suddenly making gains that are noted over that month.... BUT: They scored him lower (yes, LOWER) on his current skills than on his prior skills, "Achieved/maintained" (scores of 1) and "Progressing at a rate sufficient to meet the annual goal for this objective" (scores of 2) before homeschooling, "Progressing below a rate sufficient to meet the annual goal for this objective" (scores of 3) after he returns from homeschooling, even though "gains in this area have been noted during the past month."

And on we continue, to an issue that shocked me, as it has never been addressed with either my husband or myself at any point by either the teacher or any of the other half-dozen people contributing to his IEP and in direct contact with our family for the past year:

"During therapy there have been several occasions that [he] suddenly stops what he is doing, when engaged in an activity, and blankly looks straight ahead. During this time, I have been unable to get his attention through signs, waving of my arms, and/or through any visual stimuli. After approximately 30 seconds, [he] becomes responsive, but appears confused and needs re-direction to complete the activity. Medical intervention may be warranted regarding the possibility of seizure activity."

Thanks a fucking ton for NEVER telling me that my son is exhibiting seizure-like activity so that I could, you know, TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR, YOU FUCKING HALF-WIT MORON! This is disturbing to me on multiple levels, even outside of the fact that they were obviously too stupid to tell us what was going on so that we may address it in an appropriate and TIMELY fashion (remember those removal of clothing and seeking injuries incidents and the fact that our county CPS agency is full of corrupt motherfuckers who have already tried shoving it up our asses without a bit of Vaseline in the past, a fact well known at that school - can you say "parents are guilty of medical neglect," regardless of the fact that they said not one word to us about what they had seen and the fact that he has exhibited none of that type of activity at home?) These people know my history, that I suffer from multiple sclerosis AND a seizure disorder AND an idiopathic syringomyelia.... So let us not tell the parent with a history of neurological problems. Although they are not necessarily hereditary conditions, taken together they could be disturbing to the parent and THE PHYSICIAN of a child with this history; my own neurological issues started at about age 6 with absence seizures - you know, those kind where you SIT AND STARE, UNRESPONSIVE?

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick.

Moving right along....

Oh, I see that "gains in this area have been noted during the past month" again.

"The Expressive One Word Picture Vocabulary Test (EOWPVT) measures single word expressive vocabulary in a picture-naming format. This test is normed on hearing children. [He] was unable to establish a basal (8 consecutive correct responses). Therefore, the following data is being reported as baseline data only. [He] earned a raw score of 15, which gives him a percentile rank of 1 and a standard score of 65. [He] was able to label the following items: tree, eyes, kitty, telephone, bird, scissors, swing, couch (chair), plane, book, watch, wagon, ear."

Okay, let us now compare apples to oranges, shall we? We will compare your DEAF child to a HEARING child and score him.... well.... according to a skewed scale.

What-the-fuck-ever.

"The Carolina Picture Vocabulary Test (CPVT) measures the receptive sign vocabulary where manual sign is the primary mode of communication. [He] earned a raw score of 23, which gives him a percentile rank of 2, a standard score of 69, and an age equivalency of less than 4 years."

That is a bit better, comparing oranges to oranges. BUT: Considering he is THREE YEARS OLD, how is he "behind" with having "an age equivalency of less than 4 years"? Did I miss something here?

"Analysis of a spontaneous language sample revealed that [he] is communicating through occasional signs, gestures, facial expressions and a few vocalizations. He has been very resistive to using known signs functionally to communicate his wants and needs; however gains in this area have been noted during the past month."

There it is AGAIN, gains being noted during the past month!

"Functional use of the following true signs have been recorded: you, fall, big, drive, cry, finish, water, girl, fish, better, Kleenex, color. Furthermore, [he] is beginning to combine a few words: help me, me finish."

He is beginning to combine words, as per the stated "goals" of:

1. "Appropriately, verbally and/or sign, a 1 word sentence by the end of the 1st semester" [which was in January 2009, met November 2008 with a status score of "2" and January 2009 with a status score of "1" but currently with a status score of "3" (as above)];
2. "Appropriately, verbally and/or sign, a 2 word sentence by the end of the 2nd semester" [with a current status score (as it is the end of the semester now) of "3" - OH, BUT THEY EXPLAIN WHY: Because he was being homeschooled - even though they have indicated that he is, in fact using 2-word sentences.]

Of course, these are all attributed to not only expressive but receptive language skills - as in indicating that he does not understand more complex statements posed to him as a listener. However, I can tell my son "Tell daddy to come here," "Go outside and ride your bike," "Go find your crayons and paper" (fairly complex commands for a 3-year-old who suffers from receptive language deficits, right?) and he understands perfectly. He also says things you would expect from a 3-year-old: "That is MINE," "That is yours," "I don't like hamburgers," (okay, you might not expect that one from a 3-year-old, but something to that effect) "I want a drink of milk" and countless others. He quite effectively makes his needs and wants known - if you are not a teacher attempting to divide your attention between 20-some students of whom only 4 or 5 have varying levels of hearing impairment and the remainder being hearing, or if you are a speech pathologist who is attempting to force a young child into doing something they have no interest in doing when there are dozens of far more interesting things to focus that monstrous imagination and headstrong will upon.

During the months we were homeschooling - those months in which he made demonstrable gains prior to returning to the public school system - we were continually begged and pleaded with, cajoled, and eventually browbeaten into returning him to their facility.

For what? So they could tell us in a report a month later that he was being "penalized" for an (obviously superior) education simply because we were able to provide it ourselves and make the gains they were incapable of making, by marking his status scores lower? To subject him to testing that is "normed on hearing children" and comparing him as apples to oranges, PROVING he is "deficient"? To tell us that our child is "disabled" simply because he has a physical trait that precludes his being able to attain a cookie-cutter "education" in a "normal" school setting?

How much longer before CPS comes pounding on my door at the behest of the school system because I "refuse" to give him a "normal" life by forcing the invasive implantation of a device into his skull that may or may not work in his case?

Seriously, the only good I have seen come out of this is that now I have - inadvertently - been made aware that there may be a neurological issue with my child for which I can seek medical treatment, something that might not have been done but for their incidental inclusion of that little tidbit into their farce of an educational planning and progress report.

WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Seriously. Are you incapable of advocating for yourself? Do you have an overwhelming desire to lay your career/financial destiny in the hands of another - where you will have less control than you think you have now?

About 3 years ago, there was a union organization effort at the hospital for which I work. Being unafraid to advocate for myself and what I want out of my job, let alone no desire to pay someone else to do what I can do for free (and needing every single penny of my paycheck anyhow), and the frightful possibility of being bound by generalized "conditions" for the entire unit (which may have been good for the other however-many employees of the unit but not at all for the mere TEN of my specific department), I admit that I voted NO.

Some weeks back I got a letter in the mail from that same union (wondering how the fuck they had my address and wondering if that was a violation of my privacy, soliciting me in such a manner), reminding me that we voted that union down 3 years ago and kind of a taunting "see what you've done" attitude about how conditions have "worsened" in the intervening period.

Well, no shit, Sherlock - the whole fucking state is madly swirling around the center of the toilet bowl, Guvnir Granwhore madly cackling and flushing repeatedly. Of course, though, some people just cannot be satisfied with the fact that they still HAVE a fucking job with a statewide unemployment rate of 12%.... so let's provoke the employer and try to push that union again.

Now I have in my hands ANOTHER letter from that fucking union.... again, addressed to me at my home, and the top of my head is about to explode.

I am not a nurse, and they have their own union. I am "service" staff - lumped in with maintenance, housekeeping, cafeteria staff, (I believe) clerical, and others in our organization. My specific job concerns, duties, and working conditions have NOTHING to do with what some of those other folks' positions have to do with - being a transcriptionist who WORKS FROM HOME.

This is the letter I received, along with my own comments on the issues.

FORMING A UNION MEANS HAVING A VOICE IN HOSPITAL POLICIES

We, the members of AFSCME here in YYYYY County, want you to have what we have: dignity in our work, respect on the job, a voice in our wages, hours and working conditions. {I already have those - I have had them all along, and I needed to pay no one to "appropriate" them for me - I earned them all on my own.}

We have obtained this improved quality in our working lives and careers through AFSCME representation. Our AFSCME contracts provide us better wages, better benefits, and greater security and protection on the job than nonunion workers can expect. {Again, I already have these things, gained on my own merits.}

By forming a union, health care employees gain a voice in hospital policies and procedures. Rather than having decisions made arbitrarily without their input, they negotiate over the policies that affect their jobs, their patients, and their future. {We have regular hospital-wide "Pulse Check" meetings - where policies, procedures, etc. are laid out neatly and questions are answered - again, regularly.}

1. Scheduling systems. Around the country, hospital employees are negotiating scheduling policies and options that guarantee both flexibility and security. {Those in our department already have flexible scheduling policies, and our bosses are extremely receptive to suggestions, ideas, or concerns.}
   
2. Floating guidelines. Hospitals often use floating as a regular way to solve staffing problems, and too many healthcare employees are floated to unfamiliar areas. To protect patient care and professional standards, most healthcare union contracts include specific guidelines for when and how floating is done. {This affects me not at all, and those I know in the hospital who DO float are not located into "unfamiliar areas." Additionally, there are strict policies about an employee performing in certain positions and their qualifications to do so. So, a housekeeper will not be doing unit clerk duties - unless they are trained and qualified to do so.}
   
3. Overtime policies. (XXXXX does not have any overtime policy now.) Many hospitals are responding to the growing shortage of healthcare staff by requiring employees to work excessive amounts of mandatory overtime. Hospital employees are negotiating alternatives that will preserve the quality of patient care and recruit and retain more staff. {Someone obviously did not bother to read the policies and procedures manual, because there IS, in fact, an overtime policy - last revised 11/01/03 - which states "Although overtime is discouraged, there will be occasions when it is necessary." Discouraged. In my 8 years of working at this hospital, ONE time has our department been required to use mandatory overtime. ONE.}
   
4. Career enhancement. (XXXXX lacks career enhancement policies.) By working together as a union, hospital employees have a say in the policies that affect their job satisfaction and opportunities for advancement. {Again, someone did not bother to read the handbook, because there are not one but TWO policies on the books about evaluations of progress and advancement/transfer within the organization.}
   
5. How the hospital works. Through their unions, more and more hospital employees are working in partnership with their employers and participating in decisions about how their hospitals operate. Studies show that shared decision-making in union hospitals increases productivity by up to 16 percent, raises quality standards, lowers turnover rates, and improves efficiency. One study found that union-management cooperation increase staffing levels and hospital revenues. {Again, we have regular meetings where this kind of stuff is discussed - openly and to death, IMO. There is also an entire policy on the books about "Employee Suggestions."}
   
6. Privatization. What happens to you if XXXXX contracts out your job? Have you seen jobs contracted out or privatized? Food Service? Maintenance? Housekeeping? Did you have a chance to vote on privatization of jobs? Did management share equally in the job losses? (A company called ZZZZZ is now running the Housekeeping, Environmental Services, and Food Service. With ZZZZZ employees as your bosses, whose rules apply to you? XXXXX or ZZZZZ? How long before your job is privatized, too?) {Know what? It happens - anywhere and everywhere - and this is something someone in my field has come to expect at any time - since girls in India can transcribe documents for about 2 cents per line versus the 10, 12, 15 or more cents per line we get paid here or equivalent hourly wage. However, considering our hospital just invested in a brand-new dictation system, I don't think the demise of our jobs is imminent anytime soon.}
   

We're still AFSCME. We still care about you and want to help you with your workplace challenges and issues. If you want to form a union, or if you want more information on AFSCME and Unionism, Sign the enclosed green show-of-interest card and mail it back to us.

Having addressed my PERSONAL job concerns above, I will now address the issue I have with the "show-of-interest" card enclosed with this letter.

AUTHORIZATION FOR REPRESENTATION BY THE AMERICAN FEDERATION OF STATE, COUNTY & MUNICIPAL EMPLOYEES/AFL-CIO

I hereby desire to be represented by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, AFL-CIO, and/or its appropriate affiliates as my exclusive bargaining agent in all matters affecting my wages, hours, and conditions of employment.

This card indicates a desire for the employee to turn over representation to another party ONLY - nowhere on the card does it allow you to mark "I just want information." You fill it out and sign it, you have agreed to relinquish your right to self-negotiate in any way on your own behalf should enough of your coworkers wish to do the same.

Lies and subterfuge. How much more blatant can you get? And these unions do NOT guarantee better pay and benefits in any way. My sister works at a union hospital, as "service" staff much like myself, and they lost all their paid holidays and other benefits. Sorry, but I have no desire whatsoever to have someone toying with the benefits I have and making things worse, compromising my position (what is to stop the hospital from outsourcing or privatizing MORE positions if deemed economically necessary?) - and have to PAY someone to screw me over?

NO THANK YOU.

Necrosis of The Mind

*Cross-posted at Right in a Left World*

Psychology and its sister "science" of psychiatry have been reduced to deserving little more than ridicule. It is a means for a select few (weak of mind, faint of heart, utterly bankrupt of all morality) self-serving morons to feel entitled to pat themselves on the back for helping those in need, changing lives for the better, and "improving" society.... by bringing us all one step closer to the twisted Barney The Dinosaur reality that underlies the worst nightmares of anyone NOT suffering concomitant craniorectal inversion disorder and malignant stupidity: The one where everyone is ALWAYS happy and smiling, we are all best friends, and there is nary a problem in the world that cannot be solved within the confines of a 30-minute time slot.

* * * * *

For the most part, it boils down to some schmuck whose "mommy didn't pay enough attention" needing to elevate himself above another he will invariably consider "inferior," so he can feel better about himself. Having worked on the periphery of the field for years (as a medical transcriptionist), I continue to be amazed by the sheer number of psychiatric patients (usually involuntarily admitted with a mandatory 72-hour hold prior to deferment hearing) who are students in the psychology program at the local University. There, they gain the tools needed to maneuver and manipulate the system to ensure a never-ending supply of mind-altering psychotropic medications and all the "attention" they crave. It is rather sickening, actually.

Anyhow. All is well and good in Barney Land.... until some poor slob, having inadvertently missed some random dose of court-ordered, physician-prescribed psychotropic medication (and do NOT think this is impossible - you would be grossly mistaken; they will come directly to your home with a court order, likely accompanied by police, and you will be injected if you refuse to comply), comes to the realization that the only time he feels "good" is when he gets his "fix." He is high - on LEGAL prescription medications - similar in chemical composition to and producing virtually identical neurochemical effects as those elicited by ILLEGAL drugs. The difference? (The REAL difference?) The manner in which these drugs are manufactured, packaged, and distributed - and whose pockets are being lined in the process. After all, we cannot have some lowly drug dealer raking in the enormous sums of money Big Pharma is entitled to (and has lobbied Congress furiously for, for years).

This dog-and-pony show has been standard fare of pharmaceutical companies for years, now "recycled" with a new look and logo to accommodate the burgeoning psychiatric industry.

Morphine {(5α,6α)-7,8-didehydro-4,5-epoxy-17-methylmorphinan-3,6-diol} is legal; a Class II controlled substance. It can be found in commonly prescribed medications including (but not limited to) MS-Contin, MSIR, and Kadian; then consider codeine, manufactured FROM morphine, and other synthesized opioid derivatives, and the list grows longer - while the profits reaped by the pharmaceutical industry reach mind-boggling proportions. Meanwhile, the physiologic effects of morphine are very similar to? Heroin. The addicts' drug of choice when heroin is not available? Morphine.

Heroin {(5α,6α)-7,8-didehydro- 4,5-epoxy- 17-methylmorphinan- 3,6-diol diacetate} is illegal; a Class I controlled substance. There is no medically accepted use for this drug. You got some, you got some trouble. You can have all the morphine you want (as long as you hop around to enough doctors to get prescriptions - and your luck holds out until they run a MAPS report on you). BUT.NO.HEROIN.

Then come along the "really smart guys" at the drug company. "Our chemists have been working to develop a thrombolytic agent that would significantly reduce the incidence of intracranial bleed post therapy. Unfortunately, it did not produce the desired results during clinical trials. In fact, it performed poorly in that respect, having no effect in dissolving thrombi whatsoever. However, a fascinating side effect was observed in that it induced euphoria in test subjects. We believe this compound should be pursued further, as it has significant potential as a psychotropic medication." ("Test subjects," not "people." Millions of dollars spent to produce a drug that does not do what was intended yet does something completely unexpected.... something to be exploited.... something to enable the company to recoup R&D investments AND generate profits for years to come - patent pending. Potential for abuse and potential for virtually unlimited profits, but who gives a rip??? WE'RE MAKING MONEY!)

Dextroamphetamine {(2S)-1-phenylpropan-2-amine} is legal; a Class II controlled substance. It just so happens to be the active ingredient in Adderall - a psychostimulant (see the "amphetamine" there?) prescribed to children across the country for ADHD, generating billions of dollars per year in sales and promoting the mind-rot of the next tender generation. Interestingly, the physiological effects of THIS drug are remarkably similar to: Meth. (I wonder why?)

Methamphetamines {(2S)-N-methyl-1-phenylpropan-2-amine} are illegal. In fact, most state's child protection laws order the immediate removal of children (and facilitate TPR in a curiously expeditious manner) upon finding evidence that the home doubles as a meth lab. Busted cooking meth? Your ass is in jail: Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Now, the rest of us cannot even buy cold medicine without the DEA sniffing out every orifice.

Psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists: Together, the anus of society. They serve a degrading and embarrassing function, cause hemorrhoids and occasional itching, oftentimes spew forth foul-smelling gases and diarrhea, and every once in a while you just know it is time to clean out the works with an enema.

* * * * *

To Steve: Oh, my. I guess having a "Masters" degree gives you license to psychoanalyze at will. How much for sessions? I assume this first "consultation" is free, as we've not yet established a fee schedule. I am immensely grateful that one as benevolent, kind, and caring as yourself would try so hard to help me, show me the error of my ways. (In case you CANNOT tell, this is sarcasm - of the dripping variety; I feel the need to explain as you obviously do not understand concepts such as HUMOR, SATIRE, and PARODY and it is likely you do not understand sarcasm, either.)

Do I detect grandiose delusions, thinking oneself capable of guiding a "lost sheep" such as myself "back to the flock?" Verily, I say unto thee... "I am the way, the truth, and the light. No man cometh unto the Father but by me." People: We have a true hero in our midst, attempting to bring me to The Father Barack....

You are most certainly NOT Jesus Christ, so I will guess:
Axis I: Schizophrenic disorder, paranoid type, chronic with acute exacerbation. {Based upon the sum total of your previous comments}.
Axis II: Cluster B disorder including borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial personality disorder.

Yes, I am bitter. You could even say I am downright mean. I cling to my Bible; and months before Barry finalized his purchase of the Presidency (after 3-1/2 decades of swearing I would never own one), I purchased not one but TWO shotguns - with the intention of returning for at least two more. I am appalled - no, MORTIFIED - at the disease that has rotted this nation from its very center. Sadly, I feel a twinge of pleasure at the thought that, after this group of morons in Washington, DC, gives the final shove and our economy plunges into the abyss, my children and I will eat - thanks to my knowledge of agriculture and hunting - while you starve, waiting for the government to take care of you. I never would have believed myself capable of having such a horrid thought toward another human being, but I am strongly considering the possibility you might actually deserve it.

What is coming is population control, plain and simple. It is fortunate we have this remarkable mechanism by which to clean up the gene pool after generations of people like you defecating in it, rather than wading thigh-deep in excrement with a smile and proclaiming "All's well here!" but you (and others like you) deliberately, voluntarily, and willingly brought this upon yourself (and the rest of us) yet fail to realize that you have brought yourselves (and the rest of us) to the slaughter rather than being driven there. Some itty -bitty bit of genetic code is barking at you like a mad dog, a self-preservation instinct, which invades the euphoria of your drug-induced stupor. You need someone to blame for your distress, because personal responsibility and accountability are not part of your repertoire, so you lash out at people like me.

Well, I have broad shoulders.... and an even broader mind. I can take it, I can dish it right back, and eventually I can just choose to ignore your existence. I will not be harmed in any way, shape, or form.

That's That - And All That

First, I will share a bit of advice once given to me by a "friend," something I have tried to keep in mind:

Second, yes, yes, yes and yes. Focus on what matters and the rest will work itself out. I know, trite and cliche but seriously: the things you can change, you will and the rest (specifically other people and their habits) will take care of themselves, for good, better or indifferent.

It is time to focus on what matters, so the rest has a chance to work itself out. I despise talking to walls, even more than banging my head against them. You are just one pissed off person, stuck in a shit-spreader mindset. No amount of digging will get you out, so I set down my shovel. Dig yourself out, should you choose. I still offer my hand in friendship; it is up to you to take it.

* * * * *

Are you even kidding me? So, to make sure I understand, being able to correctly quote 70s sitcoms would somehow make him qualified to be a black president? Right. Right. Got it.

Are YOU even kidding ME? Where did I say quoting sitcoms had ANYTHING to do with being qualified as President - black, white, or polka-dotted? No wonder your "understanding" of what I say is distorted, you wringing shit like on laundry day. To make sure *I* understand, simply being "black" makes him qualified? Then why not Alan Keyes? Or Cynthia McKinney?

I am not even going to touch the rest of that statement because yeah, that theory holds true; the mess that Bush is leaving behind has obviously sullied all other white men from becoming President. Oh, except for McCain, apparently.

You know ALL my innermost thoughts! After all, you combed my entire fucking blog looking for insults to hurl. I suppose it IS possible you missed the choice words I had for EACH politician (a few special ones reserved for the dingleberries in Michigan), and color has not a damned thing to do with it. I do not recall hearing you bitch while I shat on Hillary.... Bush has done a spectacular job fucking up this country, in his own special way (Texas style, where everything is big). John McCain is a doorknob, offered by the party SPECIFICALLY to ensure Barack Obama would be elected; he clearly did NOT want to be there, and I did not particularly want him there, either (there is a reason I vote independent).

So. The actions of one black man speak for all black men, black people actually but white people are judged singularly by their own actions. Got it.

You are telling me that some bunch of asstards will NOT take a fuck-up by a black President (or Hispanic, or Oriental) and jump to asinine frames of reference about ALL black people? I call bullshit. Think Tuskegee and tell me again attitudes and shit bubbling up are no deeper than just below the surface. I will not sit here and say "I don't notice color" or "I'm colorblind." I DO notice a person's color - and I see a rainbow pleasing to the eye and to the imagination. A man (or woman) will be judged by the content of his character and not the color of his skin. I give a shit less about your opinion of me. I am not here to please you, and I do not spend nights awake, crying because you think poorly of me. I take responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings, not yours and not others.

As for the rest, I am truly and honestly sorry you lost your mom and have a chronic disease. Nobody chooses either of those things; I didn't choose to lose my son or have chronic, incurable MRSA.

First, you say I *did* choose my circumstances, now you say I did not, a moment from now you say again that I did. That smacks of talking out both sides of the mouth and more despicable than what you have attributed to me. I never asked for pity, only friendship.

But what you have revealed about yourself is that while you judge other people extremely harshly and talk a good 'line' about you are different, you have always spoke your mind and taken up for yourself, none of that is actually true.

I thought you were spewing shit on me - twice - for saying what was on my mind (and taking up for myself)? If you are referring to my personal choices, AGAIN I say, you know little about me, my choices and circumstances, who I am. Untrue that I take up for myself? By choosing not to be steamrolled by "It's all in your head," (a decision that would have had far more devastating consequences to my family, my health, and my LIFE), I have not taken up for myself? By choosing not to be steamrolled by anger and manipulation of my words, I have not taken up for myself?

Everything you have attributed to your 'husband', years worth of using you, abusing, taking advantage of you, not being a father to any of his children, speaks to someone not lacking just in self esteem but in the ability to care for themselves, much less the lives of others. I have every sympathy, real and true, for women who are stuck in untenable situations, dependent on support from an abusive spouse but the way you tell it is that he provides nothing except infidelity, abuse, baby mama drama and sucks the life directly from you and also contributes gladly to you losing your children. And yet, you stay. And continue to pass judgment on others in situations far less within their own control.

I am criticized for "harshly judging" others, yet knowing part of the story, based upon a handful of blog posts (influenced by your own inner rage), YOU are allowed to harshly judge me? "Right. Right. Got it." I lack self-esteem, incapable of caring for myself and others, because of a stated refusal to be beat by my disease? Anger at needing modifications - yet STILL seeking a way to keep my ass out of a wheelchair? Standing up to the state, proving their abuses and getting my children back? These are hallmark traits of one incapable of caring for oneself and others? "Right. Right. Got it." Yes, I am a harsh critic, of others but also of myself, in no uncertain terms, dismissed because it does not fit your argument. This entire statement is nothing but bullying and little different than a woman who tells a vulnerable girl the world would be better of if she were dead.

Your double standard is showing.
~~You gut me like a fish for staying with a wandering dick when you have done the same, yours proven, mine suspicion; yours the result of selfishness, mine of physical disability; your reasons for staying a multi-post series demanding respect for your choice, mine irrelevant as I am clearly capable of "escaping" my situation yet "choosing" to stay (while ignoring my disability).
~~You tell tales about your crackhead sister (who is "good people") dropping "baby mama drama" into your lap, failing to acknowledge that you allow her to abuse you and your family (especially her own children), and you are a saint. I tell tales of a useless piece of flesh inflicting evil upon all in her life (especially her own children) with the willing help of CPS, and I am incapable of caring for my children.
~~You have "kind" words for your MIL (and others who piss you off) and an "it's all about me" attitude, spewing rage onto a page; I vent, and it becomes painfully obvious that I lack self-esteem. "Right. Right. Got it."

And stop it already with the driving into a tree; suicidal ideation is nothing new to me and it's much easier to daydream about dying than it is to actually do something about your life, your depression (oh, and I know, I know, mental illness doesn't exist according to you/it's over diagnosed/doesn't apply to you).

Maybe I need to speak slowly: My choice was NOT to keep looking at the tree. Your daydreams may revolve around dying, but mine are about running in the yard with my kids. I never said mental illness does not exist or apply to me but in that particular instance (a lazy practitioner with a catch-all excuse as the SOLE reason for my symptoms), it was not; and I was correct. Every human condition, feeling, and action is defined in the DSM-IV. Homosexuality had once been there. Smoking, stuttering, and gender identity are STILL there. Every criminal with a soundbite on TV is suffering mental illness. You REALLY think it is not over-diagnosed and abused? Again, I call bullshit.

Finally, abandoning his 'blackness'? Are you even fucking kidding me? It's not a dress or an accessory.

I wonder: Would Walter Francis White have agreed with that amazing assessment? Or slaves forced by circumstance to do EXACTLY that? This may not seem in the same line of thought, but it actually is.

It's part of who he is and were he not the next potential President of the United States, he would just be another black guy that people of a certain mindset would cross the street to avoid. ''Abandon'' his blackness. I cannot even wrap my head around that thought process.

No, it is NOT part of who he is - at least, not the way it is for many black Americans. He is not the descendant of black slaves but of white slave owners, and he has tenuous ties at best with his black half. Seeing in his speeches how he turns it on and off, I find it plausible that he would, in fact, turn his back on blacks (and anyone else, for that matter) if it served his interests. (With this would be my thoughts on his inability to differentiate between Redd Foxx and Sherman Hemsley and why I think he is a racist, but that might be too intense for you.) Only time will tell, and hopefully I will be wrong. For the record, though, you have just backed up my point with "people of a certain mindset." The ones who will start bullshit, judging an entire race of people on some head-shoved-up-the-ass generalization about those of color.

And no, none of that is okay or excused because your boss is a dick, your husband is abusive, your mother died, you have an illness or because others have said worse. You said the shit, own it and stop playing the blame game.

It is neither asked nor expected to be "excused." You talk out both sides of your mouth. Events affect and shape how we think and feel and act; all of us, not just you. You let nothing go, bitch and moan and blame others, always "me, me, me." Your rage seems to have no end. I needed to vent. This is my blog and, as evident by the URL, my bitchbox. If you do not like what I say, LEAVE. No one is forcing you to read here. I do not come to your blog and crawl up your asshole for what you have said and how you have said it, so you might try having a bit of the same respect for me. I said it, I never denied I said it, my fucking name is on it, so I think it is pretty clear that I am "owning" it.

THE THINGS I CAN CHANGE, I WILL; AND THE REST (SPECIFICALLY, OTHER PEOPLE AND THEIR HABITS) WILL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, FOR GOOD, BETTER, OR INDIFFERENT.

Where Did THAT Come From?

Striking me in the head like a ball out of left field when I'm busy cloud gazing, it whacked me a good one and made me THINK REALLY HARD. I hate when that happens, but I guess we all need a good thunk every once in a while.

I have carried an intense bias—a prejudice—against Hillary Clinton for years. It grew roots even before she took her final steps as First Lady through the White House doors but lay dormant while she occupied her Senate seat: Out of sight, out of mind. That slumber was disturbed and that insularity grew at an astonishing rate throughout her bid to walk back through those doors and once again attach herself to one of the great American icons. I could never put my thumb on WHY I felt that way about her; I could be shallow at times, having other more important personal issues to deal with besides not really giving a shit and not feeling any pressing need to analyze my "relationship" with the former First Lady, the Senator from New York. After all, I don't live there, so she's not my problem.

During the primary season, I was deeply mired in the most horrid living nightmare imaginable, and I was just plain angry—all the time. Sometimes I felt as though I were outside myself, watching some asshole invade my body, stomping and snorting like a bull on the wrong side of the fence from a cow in heat. I wallowed in self-pity, but mostly I was just pissed off—at everyone and everything, all the while dying inside at the thought of my existence as a human being—who I am, who I have been and could still be, my legacy—being erased, wiped out with a toss of the dice.

I spent a lot of time ranting against Hillary (and her look-alike wannabe, *sneering and sarcasm dripping* my very own governor, Jennifer Granwhore), poking fun at her (both of them, really, but particularly Hillary) along the way until she finally bowed out of the race. I see now that most of it was just a diversion away from the reality of my own pain...

A veritable shit storm was brewing in my life. It churned and heaved, pushed and pulled, until finally the torrent was raging past the floodgates. Much like the response to Katrina, I threw a couple of sandbags at it and ran in the other direction, shouting a mantra of "I see nothing, I know nothing." My big fat ass didn't move fast enough, though, and all hell broke loose when it finally caught up with me. By that time, I was a broken person—physically, emotionally, spiritually. I never really dealt with anything, instead tucking issues away into the "Too Bad, So Sad," "That's Life," and "Oh Fucking Well" files, shipped off to storage in the recesses of my mind.

I was nearly destroyed by the chasm that tore through my life on September 12, 2007; although healing was allowed to begin on the 143rd day, the terrorist acts directed against my person created wounds that would take years to mend—and still leaving me with a horrible, twisted scar. I was a wreck, willfully tortured to suit another's obscene pleasure.
I got angry.
I railed against the system.
I bucked and bridled.
~~I screamed and cried and pulled out my hair.
~~I sat stoic and detached, isolating myself from the world.
~~I begged and pleaded to God Almighty for release.
~~I laughed and ran in circles like a lunatic dumped rudely out the asylum window, deprived of the mind-altering drugs that life and functioning were dependent upon.

You can only run from reality for so long. She is a relentless mistress, howling in the night and stalking you through the shadows and fleeting light of your mind, invading your dreams and every waking thought, finally reaching across the distance to tap you on the shoulder and announce her arrival. She will strip you naked and flay the flesh from your bones in a gruesome testimony to her power. You have to deal with her, one way or another.

Recently those files, previously casually dismissed, managed to hitch a ride back to Central Dispatch: Plopped down in the center of my desk, open wide and demanding my attention. I was overwhelmed at the enormity of the issues I failed to deal with in my life, but I knew I must tackle them, one by one. Out of the blue, it dawned on me what it was all along that bothered me, the reason I had such a bug up my ass about Hillary Clinton.

On more than one occasion in my life (3 to be exact), my "significant other" cheated on me; while the relationships had not been marriages, it had been expressed and implied as being monogamous. I hold a promise in high regard, and I despise broken promises; if I know I cannot deliver on a promise, I will not make it, but if I do make one then I will hold to my word. I can declare, resolutely and honestly, that I have never cheated—not even on a man I was "casually dating." On the other side of that nickel, I can resolutely and honestly state that I have thought about cheating in retaliation but realizing that petty act has no meaning since he has already done the deed, was obviously not emotionally vested in the relationship anyhow, and my actions would have been moot—nothing more than further degradation of myself and my self-esteem. So I never did it. I'm an asshole, but I'm not stupid.

Here's the thing, though. Having knowledge of this foul act devastated me. Why would he do that to me? Am I not good enough for him, that he has to find what he needs elsewhere? What is wrong with me?

Or... Is he just an asshole?

In my famous manner, I picked it apart and analyzed it—methodically, rationally, and objectively. I found that the answer—and the question—is the latter rather than the former. I am who I am, and that will never change. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, tough shit. This was HIS loss, not mine. I may have been stripped of some dignity, but I still had my integrity.

Seeing Hillary appearing to do NOTHING in response to her husband's wandering dick just really pissed me off. How dare she not stand up for herself? How dare she roll over and accept this kind of behavior from a man who swore an oath before God binding himself to her for life, denigrating her with his philandering?

HOW DARE SHE?

Then I saw this video:



And I realized... We all deal with the humps and bumps in life in our own way. I have mine, and Hillary has hers. I can't say how Hillary dealt with Bill's wandering dick, obviously doing so in private (as is her right)—but dealing with it, living with it, and moving on with life. Who was I to criticize her decision to stand beside her man instead of giving him a Bobbit, stabbing him in the eye with a high-heeled shoe, or telling him on national TV to fuck off?

To be frank, I was not drawn to this video by its intended message. What grabbed me, what made me grasp the absurdity of my previous stance against her, were the still shots of Hillary Clinton, the person:
~~The young bride in the arms of a husband whose adoration of her in that moment lights his face like the rising sun.
~~The new mother facing the uncertainties of parenthood but proud of the opportunity to escort one of His little ones through this lifetime.
~~A warm and radiant and truly remarkable woman...
In many ways JUST.LIKE.ME.

I felt a connection to Hillary Clinton for who she is, what she has been and could still be.
The woman...
The wife...
The mother...
~~And her legacy.

Not the politician. Not the victim of a philandering husband. Not the butt of a bad joke.

While I cannot say that I would have voted for you, even after my revelations of late, I can acknowledge my respect for you.

When You're Wrong

You're definitely wrong. But when you're right, you're still just as wrong, MAYBE EVEN MORE SO.

Ummm.... What the fuck? I mean, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? (We'll be right back with the answer to that and much more, after this brief message from our sponsor.)

My latest project: American Worker Exposed - Anthology; a collection of stories spanning my working life, milkmaid to bartender, receptionist to small-business owner, and a few other things along the way....

brevity and longevity, a little levity to pass the time....

documenting my metamorphosis from a loud-mouth asshole kid....
....to a more cautious, thoughtful, and tactful adult....
....and eventually to a loud-mouth asshole adult....

and the absurdity of hiring someone who is actually capable of independent thought.

Highlights include:

• Tales from the Barnyard - Some people are cut out for farm work, and some are not. I am of the latter group. Of all the cows I've dealt with in my life, my "favorite" was a Hereford named "Hamburger." Years after her mission of giving me grief began, she lived up to her name and I.relished.every.bite. Contrary to popular belief, Revenge is a dish best served hot on a bun with cheese.
• Say That Again, Please, I Still Don't Got It - Tutoring and mentoring are rewarding and fulfilling endeavors but can also be trying to your patience, especially when you've just been reduced to drawing the explanation to "Sam and Debbie leave Atlanta at 6 p.m., Sam driving 58 miles per hour and Debbie 55 miles per hour...." on a piece of paper and your pupil still "don't got it" because "It's about caaaars, man, I don't do no caaaars," and not about boards and half pipes and other shit you have no idea what the fuck it is and having nothing to do with algebra anyhow. Talk about exercises in creativity.
  
• If These Speculi Could Talk - Have you ever wondered what REALLY goes on at the OB/GYN office after you've left the building? Or in the operative suite while you're out cold and the surgeon is up to his elbows in your innards? (No names or personally identifiable information will be released--sorry if you were hoping to hear your ex has gonorrhea or something...) Let me give you a glimpse into my world.
  
• Death of a Neat Freak - You can't kill people for touching your shit, but if they can't find it, they can't touch it anymore. I was anal at one time. I would even polish the inside of the car door at the hinges that you could only see when the door was open. I was nuts. Therefore, my workspace, should be inviolable. When I put the phonebook in the drawer and some asshole loots my desk, takes it and then leaves it in the middle of the Na-Ne file drawer, it just pisses me off. I was violated.
  
• How Many Drunks Does It Take.... - Sometimes the funniest motherfuckers to ever stroll through your life are drunk; unfortunately, though, far more often the biggest potlicker assholes to ever trample all over your life are also drunk. And there's an almost surreal number of bodily function malfunctions that occur in the men's room of the local bar in Anytown, USA. Or in the parking lot.
  
• Screw You, and Your Little Kid, Too - Trials and tribulations of a young single mother, desperate to get off the welfare rolls, turned down for a permanent (open) position because "you're too honest."
• And my favorite: Behind Closed Doors - Do your job in the manner in which it is laid out in the formal HR job description, even going above and beyond, and it's just not good enough. What do you do when you hear the death knell for your entire department, knowing there is no way to stop the demise but angry as hell at the SMILEY face shown to you in the front office and the whispers of backstabbing and undermining in the back office?
  

That's actually what the fuck is wrong with me. Two-facedness and placation and sometimes outright lies. Just sick of it. I hate games, and I hate when people play games and use my life as a pawn, especially when they're just not very good managers in the first place.

Conquering the Beast - Part II

OK. So here's what happened. Amidst all the grinding and clanking inside my head, bells and whistles started going off. I was in an entirely different type of search mode when I pulled up a new Google window, exercising my mental, mechanical, and "electronical" prowess.

I wanted one I could get my hands on immediately, but the one at Radio Shack looked shitty. Best Buy didn't sell the kind I needed. I finally came across one at Circuit City, exactly what I had in mind, and the Saginaw store is only an hour's drive from here so I ordered it for pickup in the store. I bought a USB external hard drive.

I brought it home and gutted the HDD from my Pavilion (hence, the transplant), installed it in the external drive, and hooked it up to my husband's computer - AND THERE WAS ALL MY SHIT!

I am so amazing, I should be patented or something. I figured that one out all on my own, after the "experts" said "too bad."

Although I ordered a PC last Friday, it won't be ready until Wednesday and I need to work NOW, so I informed DH that I was appropriating his computer in the meantime. Of course, he was pissed (because I'd have access to his "personal" things he hides from me, like chats with his "girlfriend." OH.OH.OH. Aside: Last week he tells her that I am "shorty life," to which she responded, "I'm sorry" {since when does the "girlfriend" of a cheating "husband" feel sorry that his wife is dying???} and he said "I don't need pity," which then prompted her to tell him how brave he was - I'm the one who's fucking dying but HE'S the one who's brave????? What-the-fuck-ever!!!). He was even more pissed when I said I wanted the tower brought down to my office from the upstairs bedroom where he had it, arguing with me about it, even though there's no regular fucking phone line up there for me to hook up my OTHER job's equipment, only the ethernet cable, and I need both.

So he brings it down and - strangely - the NIC won't work, so I can't get internet access to do my fucking work anyhow. And of course, "What did you do to my computer?" even though 'twas not I who unhooked and moved it.

If There's a Way to Screw You

Some overpaid and otherwise completely useless dickwad in The Michigan Government is gonna find and exploit it, and probably thoroughly enjoy the experience.

Want a job? Too bad, move to another state (or the country to which your last job was outsourced). I've already ranted about the atrocious unemployment rate here in Michigan (highest in the nation and far above the national average since like 2001, I believe), and companies continue to flee. We hear "It's okay, we don't need industry/manufacturing. We have TOURISM." (Support 10 million people on tourism? In someone's overworked imagination that might work, if tourists are only non-residents willing to throw money at us, but there's a bit of a problem when the tourists are RESIDENTS [think trickle-down here]. Does that mean you have no business enjoying your own state since it won't generate external revenues, so FUCK OFF and stay home?) Dandy. Then the other day someone was telling me about new "tourism taxes" going to go into effect (surcharges on motel rooms, etc.). Now that we've driven off industry with the Mighty Upraised Middle Finger, it's time to turn it on tourism, too.

But I digress. Besides taxing us more here on things like gasoline and cigarettes, etc., than our surrounding states' residents pay, the bullshit has now extended to our CELL PHONE SERVICE. Forever, my Alltel bill was about $56 a month. This month it's over $58.

??????????

On the last page of the bill (in itty-bitty letters, of course): ATTENTION MICHIGAN RESIDENTS. A surcharge for E-911 (which I could have sworn I was already paying for, so now I gotta root through a stack of papers dating back to 2004 when I got the stupid thing) is being assessed on our monthly bill, varying by county. Of course, MY county happens to charge the second-highest rate: $2.12 per month.

I don't use my cell phone for 911. I use my REGULAR PHONE, on which I also pay for E-911, so now I get double-poked and for something I don't even use?

They raised our state income taxes, expanded the sales tax, and done other shit I'm not even gonna touch on cuz it would probably give me a brain aneurysm, so I have to ask, WHAT'S NEXT?

On the high side, I did happen to exploit that "tourism" factor a bit last week, in Michigan's Upper Peninsula and in the Lower Peninsula's northern wonderlands. I have TONS of great pictures, as soon as I get off my ass and get them downloaded from my camera. . .

Becoming an Illegal Alien

I got this in my email a while back, and I found it very. . . interesting. Time to take back the USA, folks.


The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver' s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!

Second Civil War

Oh, this is a good flick. If you've not seen it, I highly recommend it. Besides a stellar cast including James Earl Jones (who is, like, the AWESOMEST actor in the history of the universe), it has a story line that just does not quit - making you think about the future of America and whether we are headed for a Second Civil War. (FYI: If you've never heard of it, this is an HBO original movie.)

I fear that is exactly where we are heading, with a number of political and social avenues merging to a central core and ultimately bringing the citizens of this country to insurrection. While I believe our form of government as envisioned by our Founding Fathers is superior, it has become bastardized and bears no semblance whatsoever to that vision.

I read this article earlier today and it brought me full circle in my thinking. Although this article, on the surface, targets healthcare reform and the FDA, it also takes a deeper poke at the corruption and abuse of power on multiple levels of government: (Emphasis mine)

“FDA reform legislation is not about Democrats vs. Republicans. It’s about the wealthy elite vs. the People. Not surprisingly, the People have once again been screwed by the representatives they foolishly voted into office. If anything, this event proves that U.S. lawmakers have no interest in protecting America’s future. They are only interested in the next election, the next career move or the next power play. In a nation devastated by degenerative disease and intoxicated by the chemicals being pushed to manage those diseases, there is no longer anyone left in power with enough sanity to reason with. The President is clinically insane, the FDA is criminally insane, and the Congress is for sale, cheap! The country has become an absurdity, where lawmakers actually bicker about how much bribery and corruption should be allowed in the FDA drug approval decision process rather than simply agreeing to ban all bribery and conflicts of interest, which is what sane lawmakers would do.

Stand back and watch the bonfire

Over the last few months, I have come to the conclusion that it is no longer worth attempting to stop American’s self-destruction at the hands of Big Pharma, corrupt politicians and greedy fractional reserve bankers. America is destroying itself, and there is no one left who’s willing to stand up and try to stop it (except, perhaps, for a few individuals like Rep. Ron Paul, but he’s effectively censored by the powers that be).

My advice to readers is to start thinking very seriously about getting out of America. What’s coming over the next 5 - 25 years will not be pretty, and I now believe the collapse of America as we know it today is inevitable. The 2008 elections will change nothing, as either party will only deliver a different form of tyranny in the end. America has devolved into a modern mirror image of the Roman Empire in its last dying days — steeped in corruption, abandoning its citizens, arrogant beyond all reason, oblivious to the world around it and wholly committed to destroying itself from within.

Congress has become a circus, and the U.S. government, through agencies like the FDA, has become the leading threat to its own people. The nation is steeped in irreversible debt, diseased, terrified, bankrupt and addicted to oil that’s running out. On top of that, thanks to Bush-contrived military imperialism, it has alienated every other nation in the world and has now become the most-hated nation on the planet. (If you don’t believe me, just travel outside the U.S. and ask practically anybody you meet. Everybody hates the U.S.) It is now only a question of how long the current crippled facade of political power will last.

The passage of this FDA reform law is merely one more sign of how thoroughly committed the U.S. Congress is to creating a future of death, disease and bankruptcy for the American people. You gotta give ‘em kudos on consistency, however. At least the lawmakers are predictable.

Welcome to the United States of Big Pharma.”

To this I would add, United States of Big Pharma, Big Banking, Big Industry, and Big Pork-Barrel Spending Without Accountability. Just imagine our tots learning to spell THAT one in school.

The embers are being stirred and it’s only a matter of time before the fires begin to rage. No matter what term you prefer, whether it be uprising, revolt, insurrection, or revolution, we can see the smoke and we all know that where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

Okey Dokey, Smokey

Yeah, the iPhones are cool, but I think I can live without one. I like my 5-year old Toshiba cell phone just FINE, thank you very much.

I can live with the fact that some people gotta have new gadgets with all the bells and whistles, willing to line up and wait for hours before the store opens so they can get one. My favorite story, though, has to be the one of this lady who paid $800 to a man to get his spot as first in line, planning to buy thousands of dollars' worth of iPhones and sell them on E-Bay. Unfortunately for her, she neglected to read the rules: One iPhone per customer.

It is priceless at the end of the clip, when the reporter comments to the man that the woman was not very happy with him. She really had no reason to be angry at him; he was not the one walking around with a "money talks" attitude (yes, she really said that), flinging money at someone who sat there and waited rather than dragging her ass out to stand in line and wait like everyone else. Had she read and followed the rules and not considered herself above sitting 12 hours on the pavement like those other people did, she could have saved herself those 8 crisp, pretty $100 bills. That dude got himself a free iPhone AND all the bells and whistles.

Finally Some Justice for the Little Guy

I have confidence that someone has given Lady Justice her blindfold back!

Dry Cleaner Wins Missing Pants Case

Hooray for the Chungs! I was pulling for you from the moment I first read about this case, and I hope this decision has restored some of your faith in the American justice system. As for Judge Pearson who decided to fight this atrocious battle, I hope you are sanctioned outside of the $1000 of court costs!

How Much More. . .

Must we take, as American citizens, with businesses packing up and fleeing the country, leaving us with no jobs by which to support an ever-increasing tax load and national debt, let alone a means to survive?

How long before politicians realize that, through continued pushing of companies leading them to relocate to other nations, eventually there will be no one left to pay taxes and, in turn, THEIR paychecks? They have already decimated our capacity to support ourselves through manufacturing, ensured our children a future of involuntary servitude, and given away the mineral rights to huge sections of American soil to foreign interests to cover our debts.

Yet another company leaves the country: Hershey is leaving Oakdale.

The Gross National Debt

I take great interest in this subject, as a taxpayer and as a parent whose children will pay the price for a government that forces its citizens to operate within a balanced budget but cannot do the same for itself.

For more information, check out Is the U.S. Already Bankrupt?

I think it is high time we start putting out foot down where our pols are concerned, force them to preserve the best interests of their constituents and this country rather than their own or Big Business'. Without us, they have no hope for maintaining their status quo.

So Much for WYSIWYG

I had a banner day today, actually had time to do more than skim the headlines on Yahoo! News, and came across this little tidbit that just got my panties all in a bunch:

Florida Lottery says ticket may be misprint

Now, I've not checked the rules about Florida Lottery and the Lottery Commission's obligation to pay in event of a misprint, but gimme a break already. Dude gets a ticket telling him he just won $500,000 and they don't want to pay because it was a misprint? Way I see it, if it was a misprint and not a case of tampering, then it is their responsibility and they should honor the ticket. It was not the dude's fault they snarfed up the printing process, and in how many other areas of life are individuals, companies, etc., held responsible for their mistakes? I mean, really. I saw another article regarding a man wrongly imprisoned for a rape he did not commit and the state of Connecticut owned up to THAT fuck up to the tune of $5 million. I always knew things were a little hinky in the State of Florida, especially after the Bush-Gore fiasco, but this just clinches it for me.

Hmmm. . . the Electoral College. . . that's a topic for another day, after I untwist my panties and have time to go off on a rant about yet another case of systematic stupidity foisted onto the unsuspecting American citizen in the name of all that is "good" for him/her.

The Rats Are Jumping Ship

I think this boat is going to sink soon. I am 34 chronologically, 94 physiologically, and timeless psychologically. This blows chunks.

As a general rule, I prefer seeing a Physician Assistant (PA), since they seem to be able to give patients more time and attention and do not have their noodles over-saturated with the excessive gobbledygook learned in medical school. Recently I have reconsidered the wisdom of that choice and sought a new doctor. I met with him yesterday and think I have found one who will actually LISTEN to what I am trying so desperately to say. I had been losing faith, thinking that the medical profession was failing me....

For several months now, I have suffered profound right-sided weakness among other odd and seemingly unrelated symptoms, so I made an appointment to see the PA at my internist's office since my doctor was booked for weeks. The first visit went something like:

ANGIE: I'm having this weakness that's disrupting my entire life, interfering with my ability to work, interact with my children, and even communicate with my husband.
PA: What do you mean?
ANGIE: I can't pick my arm up, and it's a little difficult to sign when you can't raise your arm. Force of will is the only way I get from my bed to my desk or to the bathroom and back. When I get from one place to another, I'm drained and can't do anything once I get there. I'm also having a problem with . . .
PA: Wait, I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about what may be causing your fatigue.
ANGIE: I came in here for weakness, not fatigue. There is a difference.
PA: Well, we'll check your thyroid and B12 with your history, since they might be causing your fatigue, and we'll see you back in 2 weeks.
ANGIE: (Thinking to self: WTF?!?! TWO WEEKS?!?!?!)

Labs are done and a couple of days later hubby goes to the office to see this chick to see "what's wrong with me." (He thinks I am faking so I do not have to cook and clean and change shitty diapers.) He comes home and tells me, "That girl says nothing is wrong with you" (further assuring him that he is right and I am faking). I call the office to speak with "that girl" myself and get the results of my tests, only to be told "We cannot release that information over the telephone. You'll have to make an appointment to go over those results with Doctor." Worried now (having worked in doctors' offices before and knowing they usually only refuse to give results when they are severely abnormal), and with my complicated history and background knowledge, I imagine 5000 things causing my imminent demise. I make the appointment and go in:

PA: Your labs came back normal, so there's nothing wrong with you.
ANGIE: I don't think "nothing" would be causing me to have these symptoms.
PA: It's stress. You work too much. It's all in your head. You need to see a psychiatrist.
ANGIE: *Scrapes jaw off floor* I am not suffering any unusual stressors outside of the ones caused by this weakness. I can't even get the 6 feet to my chair to work most days and it's pretty stressful when everyone from the landlord to the electric company is calling because we have no money to pay the bills.
PA: You work too much. You need to cut back.
ANGIE: I am working less now that I have since 1992. If I cut back any more, I'll need someone pin a note to my shirt to remind me to breathe once in a while.
PA: I can schedule that appointment with the psychiatrist if you want.
ANGIE: In my opinion, 99.99% of so-called "mental illness" is nothing more than malingering, and I am not malingering. I am trying to GET BACK TO WORK, not get out of it! There is something going on, and I want to know what it is. What about...?
PA: There's no indication for that. Now let's go schedule that appointment with that psychiatrist.

I refused to get up from my seat until she acknowledged that I was not going to see a psychiatrist and that she was going to refer me to a neurologist (NL), but she did nothing to expedite that referral. I had to wait SIX WEEKS to see my own NL (whom I have seen in the past for seizure disorder). She did a physical exam (which the PA did not) and ordered an MRI of my head and neck (which the PA did not), only to find that I have a syrinx in my cervical spinal cord. Nice to know "It's all in my head." Close but not quite the right body part - I guess that PA needs to review her fucking anatomy book. NL also ordered other labs (not neuro related) and found that I have various vitamin deficiencies. She also worked me up with coagulation studies because I had just had my third miscarriage - all things the PA chose to disregard because there was "no indication" and she "didn't want to talk about" because they were "not related to fatigue." I am going for an EMG soon then likely on to either Cleveland Clinic or Mayo Clinic for more poking and prodding. My NL looked almost as pissed as I felt when I told her there was "no indication" for doing anything, and that it was all in my head. She knows my history well and that I had been previously diagnosed with another oddity when there was "no indication" (pernicious anemia at age 21 with no family history), and she knows how I feel about mental illness.

It is gross stupidity like this that makes me wonder why they bother to go into the field of medicine in the first place. I know why *I* am there - to help people - so WTF are they doing here with me?

Now, If That Ain't the Truth

Children see, children do. Oh, yes they do.



This always makes me cry, seeing this video.

If a child sees an adult hitting someone else in order to "resolve" a conflict, they will do the same.

If a child sees an adult lying and manipulating to get what they want or to avoid responsibility, you can bet that they will do it, too.

It is kind of sobering, when you stop for a moment and think about it, seeing children mimicking their parents while in the mall, at a restaurant, or in the park, doing completely stupid things, teaching their offspring to do the same and perpetuating the cycle. It truly saddens me.