Hope for the Best

Hope for the best, expect the worst. I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl. At least, I used to be until the past few weeks.

Lately I've become a glass-smashed-on-concrete-and-shards-kicked-around kind of person. If I just give up hope and have no positive expectations (especially "good always triumphs over evil"--I think THAT'S a crock of shit now, too), and just embrace the fact that the worst will happen, PERIOD, there might be a chance it will not completely destroy my soul when I am finally smashed and kicked around like the proverbial glass. The worst part of the destruction of one's soul isn't it's actual demise (at least not from this chair), it's the process the destroyer puts the destroyee through to crush them BEFORE stomping them to dust.

I have my faith in God but have lost my faith in humanity. How can any of us have faith in this beast called "man" when we continue to be evil to each other, allow it to continue and even perpetuate it by turning a blind eye? "It's not my problem." "It doesn't concern me." We fail to realize, though, that it DOES concern us and it IS our problem if we have the power to stop it and we do nothing. We're not civilized, and I think there's little hope for mankind as a whole.

I don't like feeling like this, not at all. It goes against the very nature of every fiber in my being. I've been talking to God a lot, and I sure hope he is listening. I've got a pretty big mouth and a pretty big heart and a pretty big soul, so I think he can't help but hear me. That's probably why the destruction is so painful, since I have so much "where it counts" and it takes a lot more work to tear someone like me down, so the tearing just hurts that much more.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. It's probably tacky to ask but I need help right now and am asking for you to hold my hand.

Lots of love,
A.