It's Simple Arithmetic. . . Really

I've always sucked at math. I hate math. I hate math so much, I actually spent years of my life in college learning. . . accounting. Makes sense, huh? I was so bad, everyone laughed when they heard me muttering obscenities with every equation. And in accounting, it was never the $3,000,000 mistakes that got me, either. Those are usually pretty easy to find, unless some motherfucker decided to embezzle when they found out a mathtard was keeping the books. No, my problem was the $0.03 mistakes. You got it. THREE LOUSY CENTS. I took a payroll class and during the final exam couldn't get my ledgers to balance, off by 3 frigging cents. At the end of the night I handed it in anyhow, with 3 pennies stuck inside.

The instructor was NOT impressed.

After about 3 years of self-inflicted torture in Math for Business, Algebra, Statistics, Calculus (don't ask my why I took THAT, it wasn't even on the course list and it was an entirely traumatic experience*), Cost and Intermediate Accounting and even Payroll Accounting, I switched majors to Allied Health Administration. Of course, that fucking math followed me around like a bad stank so I groveled and the Dean of my division transferred most of my accounting courses in to cover the credits I needed. I guess she figured I'd been tortured enough seeing as how I had patches of hair missing from my head. I earned that degree; the very first, in fact, since it was a new program and I transferred so much course work in.

You wanted to know that, didn't you, that I might be an administrator at a hospital? At YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL? (*evil laugh*)

Don't worry. I'm not. Although I stuck it out and finished the program (only racking up $18,000+ in student loans by the end of my tenure as a student) I ended up not working in administration of ANY sort, health care or otherwise. I landed a job for my internship in a gynecologist's office and stuck around there until he decided to go and retire. Then I worked in a cardiology office and started up my own transcription business on the side. In all my spare time, I worked as a cashier at a general store, but the register didn't calculate change and I kept fucking it up so I didn't last long there. Now I just sit in front of my computer 16 to 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, doing transcription. There's not much math involved there, so it's all good.

Anyhow, I had a point here. I've invented a new math, and it's called Math for Rebels. It's entirely pictorial, so there's no number crunching involved and you don't even need a calculator.

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout!

*I have a hearing impairment and read lips to help me understand what I "think" I hear. The dude who taught this class SPOKE WITHOUT MOVING HIS LIPS. He had a heavy Tanzanian accent to begin with and it was worse because I couldn't find the shapes on his mouth. He kept talking and talking, and I was reduced to tears by the end of the first class. One of my partners-in-torture found me bawling in the parking lot (smart place to be in Flint at 10 at night) and after I explained what the problem was, helped me get through the class.