I See What It Takes Now!

AHA, that last post actually elicited some responses! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

OK, folks, if you liked that one, here we go with some more.

These are some more folks you really need to check out:

Shannon
Christy
Vanessa
Phil
Ev
Dorky Dad

Go on, click the links. You know you WANNA.

Good Grief

I was enjoying a while back readers coming and going quite regularly and leaving me comments (which I absolutely ADORE since I'm a comment freak). Then my life turned upside down with my MRI scan followed my sad, pitiful life being smashed on the concrete a few weeks ago and I dropped out of circulation for a while. So sorry about that. Truly I am.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of back, a little bit, somewhat, in spirit if not in body - so where the heck did the readers go? I know some of you are still coming around but lawdy do I miss you folks!

If I've offended anyone, sorry about that, too (not really because this is MY soapbox but you get the point - it's mostly in good fun anyhow and poo-poo on you if you can't take it - hee hee). Get your butts back here for pity sake, make me feel like I'm useful to SOMEONE out there in this horrific world.

Anyhoo. . . Even if you don't feel an overwhelming desire to come and check out the train wreck that is my life, you really should go visit some of these people (and many more, but I only have about 10 minutes to do this post):

Count and Ms. Count
Jo
Dazd
Becky
Dawn
Diamondssaphire
Diesel
Annie
Karly

Go. See them. They have good stuff. You should also visit every single one of the blogs in my pull-downs on the side. Yes. Just go, and have some fun!

Future of America

Yeah, talk about home-grown idiots. Makes me proud to be an American, where we breed and raise this kind of walking, talking feces to be the "future of America." Shoot me now.

New Email

MY QUILT

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment,
I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles.
An angel sat before each of us, sewing our quilt squares together
into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile,
I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was.
They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult,
the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me.
Nobody else had such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries
were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together,
threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed,
held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth.
The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries.
So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.
I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes.
I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth,
and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it.
I had to start over many times.
I often struggled with the temptation to quit,
only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again.
I spent many nights on my knees in prayer,
asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully,
each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not
melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those
who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth.
My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air.
I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ.
Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes.
He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me,
it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me
shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life....
it's up to you to decide who you let walk away,
who you let stay,
and who you refuse to let go.'

I need this back. If you'll do this for me, I'll do it for you....
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that
God is all you need.

Becoming an Illegal Alien

I got this in my email a while back, and I found it very. . . interesting. Time to take back the USA, folks.


The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver' s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!

B-B-B-Buggin

I've been completely buggin the last few days. My mouse wasn't working right (it was moving the cursor up and down but not side to side, and it's clean inside so no clue what happened there) so I put a cheap junk one on the computer that I had laying around. Exactly 38 seconds later, the scroll wheel fell inside the mouse between the right and left click buttons. Talk about a piss-me-off kind of thing to have happen. I use my scroll wheel A LOT. I was trying to deal with it, use it as a "regular" mouse without the scroll wheel, but it wasn't going very well and there were a lot of tears shed on my part (and more than a few cuss words).

Anyhoo. . . Mom-law was up visiting and (I think it was her, anyhow) got me a brand-new mouse at Wal-Mart. It is wireless and I was worried that it wouldn't work with my KVM switch (yeah, I have multiple computers for my multiple jobs--don't roll your eyes at me). I hooked it up, though, and it worked fine. I'm feeling much better now, cruising along with my little wheel.

If only the other problems in my life were so easily solved.

What's Up With That?

Am I the only one noticing the massive numbers of product recalls the last few months? I know I barked about this before, but it seems like they've increased even more since then.

Be careful of what you eat, you could get a dangerous bacteria and get very sick and possibly die. Be careful of what medications you take, you could have a heart attack and die. Be careful of what products you purchase for your child, they could be hurt or die. Be careful what you feed your dog or cat, he could get sick and die. Honestly, who's watching over this stuff?

Pot pies, Baby Yoplait, pet food, hamburger, baby cribs, children's toys, green beans, defibrillators, infant medicines. What's next? It's not just what you eat anymore, either. Defibrillators placed for heart function? Cribs to put babies to sleep in? Toys for children to play with?

Again begging the question, how long are we safe?

Thoughts from Archie

That was one funny guy, Archie Bunker--calling them as he saw them. Now, Archie said a lot of stuff he shouldn't have, but some of the stuff that did come out of his mouth made you laugh because of how blunt and real-world it was (and still is). The way he slaughtered words was my favorite though.

Entertainment is a thing of the past. Today we've got television.

I got nothing against mankind. It's people I can't stand.

I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence.

If you liberals keep getting your way, we're all gonna hear one big loud flush. The sound of the U.S. of A goin' straight down the toilet.

There's nothing wrong with revenge. It's the best way to get even!

Like the Good Book says: "Let him who is without sin be the rolling stone."

Future of America

Or what about these guys? Maybe with any luck, the one who racks his nuts won't be producing any offspring to do this kind of stuff.

Future of America

Yeah, these ass-hats take the cake (and probably tried to smoke the damn thing, too).

Not Enough of These in the World

Driving through town and see Little Caesar's has put a new sign up:

NOW HIRING ASS MANAGER

Yeah. I guess there aren't enough ass managers in the world, Caesar's needs to go look for some more.

(Yes, I know they mean "assistant" manager, but come on, they couldn't be bothered to hang another "T" on the fucking sign? Lazy and stupid, so they really MUST need an ass manager, or else it was just one of the idiot kids in town fucking with the sign, so who really knows?)

Hope for the Best

Hope for the best, expect the worst. I'm a glass-half-full kind of girl. At least, I used to be until the past few weeks.

Lately I've become a glass-smashed-on-concrete-and-shards-kicked-around kind of person. If I just give up hope and have no positive expectations (especially "good always triumphs over evil"--I think THAT'S a crock of shit now, too), and just embrace the fact that the worst will happen, PERIOD, there might be a chance it will not completely destroy my soul when I am finally smashed and kicked around like the proverbial glass. The worst part of the destruction of one's soul isn't it's actual demise (at least not from this chair), it's the process the destroyer puts the destroyee through to crush them BEFORE stomping them to dust.

I have my faith in God but have lost my faith in humanity. How can any of us have faith in this beast called "man" when we continue to be evil to each other, allow it to continue and even perpetuate it by turning a blind eye? "It's not my problem." "It doesn't concern me." We fail to realize, though, that it DOES concern us and it IS our problem if we have the power to stop it and we do nothing. We're not civilized, and I think there's little hope for mankind as a whole.

I don't like feeling like this, not at all. It goes against the very nature of every fiber in my being. I've been talking to God a lot, and I sure hope he is listening. I've got a pretty big mouth and a pretty big heart and a pretty big soul, so I think he can't help but hear me. That's probably why the destruction is so painful, since I have so much "where it counts" and it takes a lot more work to tear someone like me down, so the tearing just hurts that much more.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. It's probably tacky to ask but I need help right now and am asking for you to hold my hand.

Lots of love,
A.

Thoughts From Jules

Well, I'm a mushroom cloud-laying motherfucker, motherfucker.

Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.

Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved.

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.

Hamburgers. The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.

I'll just walk the earth. . . You know, walk the earth, meet people. . . get into adventures. Like Caine from "Kung Fu."

Still Alive and Kicking

I'm still alive but having the most difficult and trying time I've ever been through in my life. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and am very thankful for my Lord and my friends to help me right now. Sorry to be so vague, but it's a long and horrific story that I pray comes to a peaceful ending soon and I will be able to share more with you sometime.

Until then, thank you again for your support and encouragement and one of these days we'll all sit around and I'll share my Mountain Dew and Cheetos and we'll catch up on everything I've missed.