Reevaluation
I've had a lot of time to think these past few weeks--not really considering my life decisions with regret, just making a reevaluation and thinking about where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.
Part of me loves to analyze, criticize, and hypothesize and I've made a mission of finding ways to make things better, more efficient, more productive, or just more fun. I finally see that it is long past time I sat down and did exactly that with regards to ME instead of the people, places, and things around me. Had I done this years ago, I might have realized a few things (among others):
- I spend too much time trying to do things or effect changes on my own instead of asking for help from or delegating responsibility to others.
- I spend too much time trying to control each aspect of my life, sometimes questioning God's plan for me and often trying to cut my own trail through life's jungle instead of "following the beaten path" (regardless of whether that path is wide or narrow, I want to go my own way even if it's directly through thorny bushes).
- I spend too much time thinking and analyzing and not enough time laughing and loving.
- I focus too much on trivial things and not enough on those that truly matter, not realizing that those things, taking up so much of my focus, are things I might be better off without in the first place and in the end diminish the important ones.
- I have not appreciated enough the people I love/d and that love/d me in return, unconditionally, and the gifts I had been bestowed until they were gone.
I have been an iceberg all my time, but the warm salty seas have lapped at my sides and diminished my former proud presence, leaving me drowning in a sea of tears and seemingly no land in sight. The land is there, I just need to open my inner eyes to really "see" it. It may not be lush and green--it may be rocky and steep--but it IS there.
Lessons I've learned:
Learn.
Laugh.
Most importantly, love.
And it only took me 35 years to learn them.
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Psalm 46:1-2
4 comments:
So in other words, you have learned that you are human. It comes to us all sooner or later. Unfortunately some of us need to go through much pain to get there... myself included.
{HUGS}
Nothing but lots of hugz sweety. Luv ya.
I hope this works! I have tried commenting before and it never goes through (it's a blogspot thing because it happens on other blogspots, too).
First, thanks for the link! Second, yes, yes, yes and yes. Focus on what matters and the rest will work itself out. I know, trite and cliche but seriously: the things you can change, you will and the rest (specifically other people and their habits) will take care of themselves, for good, better or indifferent.
You learned what you needed to know when you needed it...The best lesson ever is learning to take care of yourself first. How can you ever take care of anyone else if you aren't alright? It is the oxygen mask on the airplane analogy, put yours on first so that you can help someone else.
Post a Comment