BBL: Died and Gone to Heaven

I’ve been all whiney and mopey lately, feeling sorry for myself because of my frigging eye and all that it “could” entail as far as my future health. However, I didn’t actually hit rock bottom until I went out and bought a jug of ice cream that cost more than $2.49 a half-gallon. I got the good shit, to drown my misery in, the stuff that costs $5.49. I never spend that much on a single jug of ice cream unless it’s on sale and comes in a 5-quart pail; this was a single half-gallon jug, and yes, I really paid that much for it. Rock bottom, I’m telling ya.

Hubby-man seemed to know something was up since I’m usually a tightwad and a penny pincher, so tight you’d have to drag a needle out of my ass with a John Deere tractor, but he kept his mouth shut (or should I say his hands in his lap) for once. Amazing wonder #1 of the day.

I broke open my ice cream and hid in the corner of my office, out of sight of the kids, since they would surely intrude on my pity party and my ice cream. I ate a whole bowl full, where normally I rarely eat it (long story involving my teeth) and when I do, I eat a single scoop, two on a bad day. Talk about an existential experience. I was alive–having a rough time but alive nonetheless–and I had 6 beautiful children and a husband who loved, cared about, and needed me. I had a life, and I was gonna live it. End of story, right?

But it’s not really the end of the story. That ice cream was the best ice cream I ever ate in my life. I savored every single bit I could scrape out of the bowl and considered licking the melty remnants out but finally got control of myself. Amazing wonder #2 of the day. It cooled my tongue AND soothed my soul. I rolled each tiny spoonlet in my mouth until it melted and it was like drinking the Water of Life. It was better than sex. It was better than–I can’t believe I’m going to say this–IT WAS BETTER THAN MOUNTAIN DEW.

The ice cream I’m talking about was Homemade Brand Chocolate Marbled Cheesecake. I’ve had Homemade Brand ice cream before, always a special treat since it costs an arm and a leg to buy but TOTALLY worth every cent, and it is hands-down the best ice cream on the planet. I always loved their Neapolitan ice cream but can’t seem to find it in the stores any more, and that was what prompted me to grab this flavor instead. This ice cream doesn’t play around. It reaches out and grabs you by your inner being, shakes it up a little and then gives it the time of its life with full-flavored ice cream filled with chunks (not slivers, but CHUNKS) of real chocolate, nuts, or fruit, depending on what flavor you’ve chosen. Tonight’s pleasure included real chunks of cheesecake mixed in with the ice cream. If you’ve never had Homemade Brand ice cream before, I highly recommend you try it. You’ll never look back and every ice cream experience you have afterward will pale in comparison. You’ve never really had ice cream until you’ve had this stuff.

No, this is not a paid post. I’d crow the virtues of this ice cream from every rooftop in America for free (well, I might accept a free container or two of it).