Finally. . . Rest for the Weary?

Saw my NL today, and boy am I glad I did. I love my neurologist. She's my favorite medical professional in the whole wide world and one of the few I would actually trust with my life. That number can be counted on my fingers with a few left over.

Last time I'd seen her back in January, we talked about burning pain in my muscles, worse in my shoulder girdle muscles, upper arms, back and neck but really in all the large muscle groups throughout my body, the same pain that put fibromyalgia into the differential before I developed optic neuritis and finally demyelinating plaques on my brain MRI, and hence, the MS diagnosis. She considered trying me on Lyrica at that time but opted to place me on Lexapro instead, since my "depression" (I've never been clinically diagnosed as having depressive disorder but was suffering from "situational depression") was causing my overall MS symptoms to worsen. I ended up taking exactly 3 days of the Lexapro and decided it wasn't for me: It made me so fatigued I could not function. It made me dizzy and nauseous and (even though it's supposed to be for treatment of depression) MORE depressed. That was enough for me. Ever since then, I haven't been able to shake this fatigue that puts me down for days at a time. She gave me the Lyrica today, so we'll see how that works out. She thinks it might also help with my migraines, which would be AWESOME. She also started me on Provigil today, to try to help with the fatigue, which she said was probably a symptom of the MS as well. I took one earlier today and I feel pretty fucking good, haven't looked wistfully at my bed for hours. . .

A lousy 3 months, and my health has definitely changed, some things better and some much, much worse. My "Health Shit Lists":

Positive Shit: I no longer feel depressed, and that's definitely a big fat plus. Unfortunately, that's about the only one I can come up with right now.

Negative Shit:

1. My pain has progressed to the point of affecting my quality of life, a my-body-is-on-fire-from-the-inside-out kind of pain. I bought some Ben Gay-smelling patches and wallpapered myself with them (not really, but it's a great mental picture, ain't it?). Please let the Lyrica work, since I'm allergic to Neurontin. . .
   
2. The vision in my right eye comes and goes, anywhere from about one-quarter to near-complete visual field loss, rapid fluctuations causing dizziness, inability to focus, or just plain not seeing shit and running into things. Thank goodness for drywall corner bead, or there'd be broken corners all over the house instead of black and blue marks all over my arms, legs, and head.
   
3. I can't remember things for more than a few minutes or sometimes even a few seconds unless I write them down, and there have been times I've forgotten what the fuck I was going to write before I even touched pen to paper.
4. My right arm is mostly useless and my right leg isn't far behind in function, affecting my ability to walk and my ability to communicate effectively with my family, who use sign language. This also makes for an interesting trip to the bathroom, which is upstairs, adding to my collection of colorful bruises.
   
5. I have just been found to have gallstones and seeing the surgeon (one of those few precious individuals above, heh heh) next week. In a way, I guess this could be on the Positive Shit list since it's relatively easily taken care of.
   
6. My bowels are disregulated due to MS. I either shit rocks (boulders and/or gravel) or I shit water. There is no in-between. I thought IBS was bad, but this takes the cake.
   
7. I am fatigued to the point of slumping over asleep in my chair for no apparent reason, even after TWELVE FUCKING HOURS OF SLEEP. The last time that happened, my (former) doctor kept barking NARCOLEPSY. He proved himself to be full of shit when he discovered it was pernicious anemia, NOT narcolepsy. My B12 levels are fine, so that's not it this time.
8. No one has any explanation for why my hair is falling out by the handful, my skin is turning to scales, and I've lost my "color." Once upon a time, I had beautiful honey golden skin, soft and smooth as a baby's, and a big thick ponytail. Then one year I turned green. GREEN-GREEN, like a fucking booger some kid just hooked out of his nose. After a couple of years, I was just white. Over time I've gotten more and more white, to the point people would ask how my moon tan was coming along. Now, I'm ready to just shave off what's left of my hair and scrub myself with a wire brush.
   

All in all, it was a productive day. I learned that my symptoms are part of the MS disease process and can come on at any time, or not, since each person's course is different from the next, and that progression to these symptoms is not necessarily an exacerbation. My January MRI was stable from the prior one, so for now it appears the Copaxone is doing its job. Now someone just needs to get to inventing a once-a-week or once-a-month injection instead of EVERY SINGLE DAY injection. Pills would be good, too.