Someone's Been Shitting in My Gene Pool
Oh, how I wish I could twiddle my thumbs as I while away the time, waiting for God to come and collect me from Unclaimed Baggage. Something tells me He's busy and I've got a while to wait my turn. Like they say, wish in one hand . . .
I was out of my booger mood briefly. For all of about 10 minutes or so. Too bad you missed it. I was getting ready to crack open a fresh bottle of Dew and the Cheetos so we could have a party, but then that big-green-sticky-booger mood came back. As I'm not a professional booger-picker or a booger-picker of any sort for that matter, I just don't have the skill to pick it and flick it so it doesn't come back and stick. Yet another of life's lessons I've failed to learn, I guess. I think it must be like learning not to piss into the wind, but I'm not equipped to do that anyhow.
On to the "good" news. In the past couple months and particularly the past week, I've:
- For the second time lost about 1/3 to 1/2 of my right eye visual field that had finally mostly come back after a bout of optic neuritis I got as a Fourth of July surprise. Attacks of O.N. can leave residual visual loss, so I'm not anticipating much of it to return this time around, based on the prior 25% residual loss I already had. Seeing's overrated anyhow.
- I'm down to maybe (if I'm lucky) 10% functionality with my right arm and 50% with my right leg. It's just too bad I'm right-hand dominant and that I actually like to WALK. On a positive note, I'm learning to eat without the use of my hands. Dogs have it made, you know, and straws CAN be your friend. I want a motorized scooter like I "seen" on TV.
- My left arm has now become affected by weakness to the point that I had to ask my husband to comb my fucking hair (which is coming out by the double handfuls now) and I've developed a tremor. This is really putting a damper on my cigarette smoking habit, but I'm highly adaptable and will find a way to light those little bastards up one way or the other.
- I'm constantly dizzy and lightheaded to the point of nearly collapsing and falling down the stairs on the way to take a shit, yet another function which tends to be impaired when one suffers from MS. I guess I should have read the fine print, that ALL nerve/muscle function can be impaired, including those regulating the digestive tract. Wonder how long until I start pissing myself?
- I've had a headache out of the ordinary from my usual migraines for about the past 2 months that I can't even take the edge off with Excedrin - and I can't use anything more powerful because I'm intolerant to most analgesics. Although, I imagine projectile vomiting might take my mind off my headache for a while. Then maybe I can have a movie star career like what's-her-face that had the spinning head and puking on the priest. I don't know any priests, though, so I can't practice.
- I'm suffering from confusion and disorientation, which I had not had a problem with before but I think are part of the MS process, and night terrors, which I KNOW are from the trauma being inflicted upon me by Big Brother these past 4 months. I'm just shocked it took that long to catch up to me. After all, it only took about 2 weeks for me to be unable to leave my rooms in my house.
- I have these odd joint pains (? where'd they come from?) not just in my large joints but in the small joints of my fingers and toes. It wouldn't bug me so much but I TYPE FOR A LIVING, AND THAT'S KIND OF HARD TO DO NOW.
I think someone must have taken a shit in my gene pool, cuz there's no reason for me to be this fucked up. It doesn't make any sense, though, since everyone else in the family, for generations back, has been relatively healthy except for the cancer that seems to kill them off in their 40s and 50s. Not one of them had any of this other off-the-wall shit like I've gotten. So where'd it come from?
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