When You're Wrong

You're definitely wrong. But when you're right, you're still just as wrong, MAYBE EVEN MORE SO.

Ummm.... What the fuck? I mean, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? (We'll be right back with the answer to that and much more, after this brief message from our sponsor.)

My latest project: American Worker Exposed - Anthology; a collection of stories spanning my working life, milkmaid to bartender, receptionist to small-business owner, and a few other things along the way....

brevity and longevity, a little levity to pass the time....

documenting my metamorphosis from a loud-mouth asshole kid....
....to a more cautious, thoughtful, and tactful adult....
....and eventually to a loud-mouth asshole adult....

and the absurdity of hiring someone who is actually capable of independent thought.

Highlights include:

• Tales from the Barnyard - Some people are cut out for farm work, and some are not. I am of the latter group. Of all the cows I've dealt with in my life, my "favorite" was a Hereford named "Hamburger." Years after her mission of giving me grief began, she lived up to her name and I.relished.every.bite. Contrary to popular belief, Revenge is a dish best served hot on a bun with cheese.
• Say That Again, Please, I Still Don't Got It - Tutoring and mentoring are rewarding and fulfilling endeavors but can also be trying to your patience, especially when you've just been reduced to drawing the explanation to "Sam and Debbie leave Atlanta at 6 p.m., Sam driving 58 miles per hour and Debbie 55 miles per hour...." on a piece of paper and your pupil still "don't got it" because "It's about caaaars, man, I don't do no caaaars," and not about boards and half pipes and other shit you have no idea what the fuck it is and having nothing to do with algebra anyhow. Talk about exercises in creativity.
  
• If These Speculi Could Talk - Have you ever wondered what REALLY goes on at the OB/GYN office after you've left the building? Or in the operative suite while you're out cold and the surgeon is up to his elbows in your innards? (No names or personally identifiable information will be released--sorry if you were hoping to hear your ex has gonorrhea or something...) Let me give you a glimpse into my world.
  
• Death of a Neat Freak - You can't kill people for touching your shit, but if they can't find it, they can't touch it anymore. I was anal at one time. I would even polish the inside of the car door at the hinges that you could only see when the door was open. I was nuts. Therefore, my workspace, should be inviolable. When I put the phonebook in the drawer and some asshole loots my desk, takes it and then leaves it in the middle of the Na-Ne file drawer, it just pisses me off. I was violated.
  
• How Many Drunks Does It Take.... - Sometimes the funniest motherfuckers to ever stroll through your life are drunk; unfortunately, though, far more often the biggest potlicker assholes to ever trample all over your life are also drunk. And there's an almost surreal number of bodily function malfunctions that occur in the men's room of the local bar in Anytown, USA. Or in the parking lot.
  
• Screw You, and Your Little Kid, Too - Trials and tribulations of a young single mother, desperate to get off the welfare rolls, turned down for a permanent (open) position because "you're too honest."
• And my favorite: Behind Closed Doors - Do your job in the manner in which it is laid out in the formal HR job description, even going above and beyond, and it's just not good enough. What do you do when you hear the death knell for your entire department, knowing there is no way to stop the demise but angry as hell at the SMILEY face shown to you in the front office and the whispers of backstabbing and undermining in the back office?
  

That's actually what the fuck is wrong with me. Two-facedness and placation and sometimes outright lies. Just sick of it. I hate games, and I hate when people play games and use my life as a pawn, especially when they're just not very good managers in the first place.