Labels

Blogumulus by Roy Tanck and Amanda Fazani

October 1, 2009

The Genes That Bind

Genetics is fascinating. I remember back in the good old days, in biology class in high school, learning about dominant and recessive genes and how we pass on characteristics to our kids. Most of our instruction revolved around the green bean study done by whoever it was that studied green bean genes way-back-when, although we did talk about eye color and the fact that being able to curl your tongue is genetic. Good thing, too, since I thought I didn't have that talent and it turns out I just don't have that gene!

It all seemed so black and white then. Of course, when you get out into the real world, you learn that there are infinite shades of gray no matter what the subject.

I have dark brown eyes, which I had been taught was dominant over each of my baby daddies' blue eyes. Yet only two of my five kids have brown eyes. How did that happen? In #4 (and now #5), that brown eye gene was "overpowered" by the also dominant Waardenburg contributed by DH, which typically brings sapphire blue eyes. However, that doesn't explain why #1 (whose father has no such syndrome that we know of) has eyes that changed over the years from blue to gray to hazel even after most people's eye color is set. Chameleon eyes? How can they keep changing colors? (Clue: Recombination explains the brown/blue versus hazel, one of those mysteries high school biology class did not cover in the green bean discussion.) And what about #3, a full sibling to #4 and #5, who had sensorineural hearing loss at birth but has brown eyes, no white forelock, and years later went on to have normal hearing? Does she have a "broken" Waardenburg gene, or does recombination factor in there, too? Only #2 has "fit the mold" with dark brown eyes.

Anyhow, that dominant Waardenburg gene seems to have found its way into #5. I knew it when I saw her white forelock and eyebrows. Her newborn hearing screening was a "refer," so yesterday the audiologist did some more testing. She definitely has hearing loss, but we need to set up a tone-burst ABR to determine how much and whether she has enough residual hearing to benefit from hearing aids. Not looking real optimistic there, since she failed on all the sounds....

In any case, it's all still fascinating. I need to go read some more now, to satisfy my rabid sense of curiosity on brown versus blue and WHY.

September 16, 2009

To The Next Day and The Day After

8 pounds 12 ounces, 21-1/2 inches long....
....with big chubby cheeks and a tiny little chin.

The newest addition to our family was welcomed Monday afternoon just after 2:30.

She's got that characteristic white forelock and came out of her newborn hearing screening with a "refer," so likely she is Deaf like Dad. Regardless, she's already got a special place in everyone's heart.

September 13, 2009

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love Ya, Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day: Scheduled for induction at 8:45 a.m. My gestational diabetes has gotten a bit out of control the past couple of weeks and I am only 5 days from my due date, so it is time to "git-er done." Hopefully, it should not take too long. My last was over in about 2 hours, but that was a premature labor they could not stop as opposed to an induction, which generally takes a bit longer than spontaneous labor. Thank goodness for epidurals, though. (Yes, I am a wimp during induction, this being my third out of five pregnancies. In my defense, though, I had only a shot of, I believe, Demerol, with my first and NOTHING with my last.)

My boss is awesome. I was scheduled to work this weekend but she asked one of the other gals in the department to cover, so I would have a chance to rest up - and to stop worrying about coverage if I went into labor on my own before or during the weekend. I'm already walking into this with my "normal" MS fatigue (actually a bit worse than normal, since I've been off my Provigil for months, on top of being as big as a house and uncomfortable beyond all imagination - unless you've been 9 months pregnant, that is, and know the meaning of "uncomfortable"!), so a couple of days of rest was just what I needed.

I saw my NL the other day, and she seemed pretty unconcerned about my syringo as far as labor (even though I'm looking at a 9+ pound baby). She said if it looked like I was having complications from it, they could give me some steroids (and presumably a visit with the neurosurgeon and treatment).

We had discussed months ago my return to MS treatment, and this time we talked some more about the problems I had been having on the Copaxone. She is not entirely convinced that was what caused my symptoms, so for now we are going to try it again and see how it goes. I already have most of a box of it (that I already paid through the nose for) sitting in my refrigerator these past 9 months that is good for another few months, so no reason not to give it a whirl, I guess. She had told me before that if I breast-feed, I cannot start back on any of my medications, and I really need to get back on them to try to prevent another flare and to mitigate some of the fatigue and pain from the MS.

So, anyhow.... See ya on the other side, folks!

August 26, 2009

Something in the Water?

There has been a rash of celebrity deaths in the news of late, coming in far more than "threes," it seems.

Since he will likely receive as little notice in the wake of Ted Kennedy's death as Farrah Fawcett did when Michael Jackson passed away, I note with sadness the passing of Dominick Dunne.

Before I had to cancel my DISH thanks to the crappy economy, I always enjoyed watching his show Power, Privilege, and Justice.

Farewell, my friend. Happy journeys.

August 22, 2009

Well, Now

That took some doing, but I think (for the most part) I finally have this blog cleaned up a bit, with my jokes at Mainlining Mountain Dew and my political "stuff" at We The People.

Leaves some gaps in time posting here, but I think it's a bit more orderly this way.

July 30, 2009

Some More Changes

As I did before with my recipes and my jokes, I am splitting off another chunk of content into a separate blog.

You can now find my political-type rants at:
We The People

I will be working on cleaning this site up and finalizing all my goodies on the other sites, trying to get my act together. Seems I do better when I "compartmentalize," so we're going to be busy for a while, straightening stuff out, so bear with me here (if any readers are actually left).

July 26, 2009

Since Kevin Demands It....

Kevin demands an update. Unfortunately, I still have little to say, suffering a particularly severe bout of blog ennui. So here is an "update" in the strictest sense of the word:

My due date has been moved up to September 19- heading for the final stretch and already roughly the size of a house.

I originally had not wanted to know whether we were having a boy or girl, but curiosity got the better of me; and DH wanted to know, to start pulling clothes out of storage and have them ready: We are having a girl. (Not-so-secretly, just what I wanted, he he!) The other kids are excited, especially my daughter and younger stepdaughter, who were jumping up and down squealing when they found out. Those two are constantly rubbing my belly, trying to make the baby kick. This was the first time I ever had a 4-D ultrasound, and they are pretty slick! (Sorry, my scanner is not working, so no way to post it.)

My gestational diabetes has returned, although seemingly not quite as severe this time - perhaps due to the dietary changes I made pre-pregnancy with the multiple sclerosis. I am extremely uncomfortable (still cannot take Lyrica) and exhausted beyond words (still cannot take Provigil) and somewhat perturbed that I cannot even rely on my standby "energy source" Mountain Dew - the taste of sugary stuff in my mouth makes me gag (also likely helping with the GD). The NP at my OB's office did, however, allow me to continue a good portion of my vitamin regimen with only a few exceptions (which I had already researched and taken myself off prior to being seen).

My two youngest just had birthdays, The Girl turning 5 and The Boy 4. She says "I'm a big girl now," but every once in a while I hear "I'm still a little girl" (mostly when comparing herself in height to others). The Boy needed glasses - and he is in a yank about it. He had them for 4 days and hid them. When Wal-Mart has their back-to-school sale on glasses, we will be getting spares.

My oldest will be 18 in about 3 weeks, and he is chomping at the bit. He has become my star pupil in learning above and beyond what the notoriously poor public schools teach. We are still working on my next-oldest, who seems to be having some difficulty pulling his head out of the public-school mentality (base stupidity) but has been open to learning obscure bits of history about our great state of Michigan.

My stepdaughters were recently forced to return to unsupervised visitation with their "mother" after 2+ years: A horror story of breathtaking magnitude, an unmitigated failure of CPS and the courts. An agent of the court hearing the custody case informed us that "the children have NO rights" but "their mother has a right to see them." So much for "best interests of the child" and the fallacy of CPS actually PROTECTING children.... No sooner had the court released the case from supervision, the games started again - from the safe house we had to request (through the courts) for exchanges due to her harassment and abuse to her continued abuse of us via the internet. Glad there are laws in place and being enforced regarding that kind of behavior.

Still working but not nearly as much as I was, thankfully not due to my health. One group I was doing transcription for went to electronic medical records and no longer needed me; a tragedy (for me), losing roughly one-third of my income. Another doctor I worked for moved to the west side of the state when his wife got a new job, and he was offered one there as well that he could hardly refuse. I wish them luck, but it is still a loss, in more ways than just the pocketbook.

Well, that's about it. Until I am able to get back on my MS medications after I deliver, posting will likely still be scarce. Still looking into my options for disease-modifying agents, since I have little desire to go back on Copaxone with the trouble I was having on it previously. I will be one happy camper when an oral medication is ready for use, since I am not particularly a fan of poking holes in myself with the injectable (currently the only type available) medications.

Take care, and until then....
A.

June 5, 2009

My Growing Disgust

My level of disgust is growing exponentially in the public education system of this country.

DH and I have grumbled at each other back and forth about sending our Deaf children to the deaf school versus the hearing impaired program in a neighboring district. For the time being, I have so far come out on top in this grumbling, my wanting them to have a broader range of experience with the hearing world in which they will be living and functioning within in the future.

HOWEVER.... After reading my 3-year-old son's IEP report from that program, I am reconsidering the wisdom of that decision.

First, we have chosen (as is our right as parents - for now, anyhow) against cochlear implants at this time. There are a couple of reasons for this, but suffice it to say that MY grumbling involves personal choice and who the hell am I to force a life-altering ELECTIVE procedure on another human being - regardless of who it is - when there is no concrete evidence that:

  1. Implantation of a device that, while effective in many people, will necessarily give my son with profound hearing loss much benefit, if any at all;
  2. Implantation of a device that, while effective in many people, will NEVER "cure" deafness and remove the social stigma from my child that he is "broken" and, therefore, needed to be fixed;
  3. Waiting until he is a bit older and can contribute his own opinion to the discussion will diminish his capacity for language in any way. This is very important, drawing the distinction here: Just because he uses a different language does not make him defective or incapable of effectively using any language. I am meeting more and more Hearing people that know (or are attempting to learn) American Sign Language. Knowledge is spreading, and that can only benefit him.
Second, considering the distance between our home and the two schools and the availability of bus transportation to the neighboring district as opposed to the deaf school, which is further away and we would have to provide our own transportation - unless we boarded on campus, which would be unreasonable in light of his young age - and having other children departing for/returning from school at various times during the day (5 children in 4 different schools due to their ages and various special needs and which building can accommodate them - it's a fucking nightmare, the roadblocks thrown in front of us in attempting to secure their "rights" to COMPULSORY education) all in combination with my work schedule, the public school option seemed perfect.

At least, it seemed perfect until I got this wad of shitty-looking pink paper that is his most recent IEP report.

Keep in mind, my son was born Deaf - profoundly Deaf, in fact - as a result of a heredity condition known as Waardenburg Syndrome. His characteristic white forelock, brilliant blue eyes, and skin hypopigmentation (and, of course, the deafness) are long-documented traits in his father's family extending back generations. Nearly the entire family is Deaf, and they are proud of their heritage and - most importantly - their culture. Our daughter was also born with sensorineural hearing loss and did use hearing aids for a time, but (strangely, perplexing even our otolaryngologist) her hearing was determined to be normal at age 2. Of course, having had limited hearing during those critical years has affected her verbal language, but now at age 4, she is working diligently to catch up - and she is truly bilingual (we used Total Communication with her from the start, with only moderate to severe as opposed to profound hearing loss and her more substantial residual hearing ability and capability of making use of hearing aids).

Anyhow, on to what got me all in a yank about this report.

Impact of disability on progress/involvement in the general curriculum:
Present level of academic achievement [spelled incorrectly in the report, BTW, "acheivment"] and functional performance and hearing loss impacts how he is able to:
  • Locate the source or direction of the speaker and sound
  • Discriminate between speech and noise in all settings of the school
  • Hear oral directions, instruction, and discussion in the classroom or other activities
  • Attend when listening for periods of time
  • Hear peers or side conversations
  • Progress in oral and written language development
  • Follow through with auditory information due to competing sounds
Um, he is profoundly deaf, and amplification devices have proven to be of little benefit due to almost nonexistent residual hearing, so it would seem rational to conclude that he cannot and will not EVER be able to "overcome" a single one of these issues. Perhaps this is the reason Deaf and Blind children were funneled into institutions such as the Michigan School for the Deaf to meet their needs, as they would not be able to be met APPROPRIATELY in the environment of a mainstream public school.... Let alone the fact that verbal language has little impact on written language - many Deaf are capable of producing perfectly coherent ENGLISH written documents without ever having heard a spoken word in their lives. And don't even get me started on the ability of Deaf individuals to learn to SPEAK ENGLISH - and do it well (think Marlee Matlin).

Let us continue:
"[...] decreased communication skills interfere with his ability to communicate his needs and the ability to communicate knowledge within all educational settings."
Interesting, considering the sentence immediately preceding that states: (Emphasis mine)
"He has been very resistive to using signs functionally to communicate his wants and needs; however gains in this area have been noted during the past month."
This is interesting in the fact that we had brought our son into a homeschooling environment for several months at the beginning of this year (due to his lack of progress in the public school, among other reasons, up to and including his teacher removing his clothes to "inspect" him for bruises without our knowledge or consent, a fact that our son was able to communicate quite readily to us at home and for which the teachers had no reasonable explanation as to why they had done so) and only about a month ago sent him back because he missed the social interaction. Hmmmm.... homeschooled for several months with little to no progress prior to that time while in the public school, back in that same public school for about a month and suddenly making gains that are noted over that month.... BUT: They scored him lower (yes, LOWER) on his current skills than on his prior skills, "Achieved/maintained" (scores of 1) and "Progressing at a rate sufficient to meet the annual goal for this objective" (scores of 2) before homeschooling, "Progressing below a rate sufficient to meet the annual goal for this objective" (scores of 3) after he returns from homeschooling, even though "gains in this area have been noted during the past month."

And on we continue, to an issue that shocked me, as it has never been addressed with either my husband or myself at any point by either the teacher or any of the other half-dozen people contributing to his IEP and in direct contact with our family for the past year:
"During therapy there have been several occasions that [he] suddenly stops what he is doing, when engaged in an activity, and blankly looks straight ahead. During this time, I have been unable to get his attention through signs, waving of my arms, and/or through any visual stimuli. After approximately 30 seconds, [he] becomes responsive, but appears confused and needs re-direction to complete the activity. Medical intervention may be warranted regarding the possibility of seizure activity."
Thanks a fucking ton for NEVER telling me that my son is exhibiting seizure-like activity so that I could, you know, TAKE HIM TO THE DOCTOR, YOU FUCKING HALF-WIT MORON! This is disturbing to me on multiple levels, even outside of the fact that they were obviously too stupid to tell us what was going on so that we may address it in an appropriate and TIMELY fashion (remember those removal of clothing and seeking injuries incidents and the fact that our county CPS agency is full of corrupt motherfuckers who have already tried shoving it up our asses without a bit of Vaseline in the past, a fact well known at that school - can you say "parents are guilty of medical neglect," regardless of the fact that they said not one word to us about what they had seen and the fact that he has exhibited none of that type of activity at home?) These people know my history, that I suffer from multiple sclerosis AND a seizure disorder AND an idiopathic syringomyelia.... So let us not tell the parent with a history of neurological problems. Although they are not necessarily hereditary conditions, taken together they could be disturbing to the parent and THE PHYSICIAN of a child with this history; my own neurological issues started at about age 6 with absence seizures - you know, those kind where you SIT AND STARE, UNRESPONSIVE?

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick.

Moving right along....

Oh, I see that "gains in this area have been noted during the past month" again.
"The Expressive One Word Picture Vocabulary Test (EOWPVT) measures single word expressive vocabulary in a picture-naming format. This test is normed on hearing children. [He] was unable to establish a basal (8 consecutive correct responses). Therefore, the following data is being reported as baseline data only. [He] earned a raw score of 15, which gives him a percentile rank of 1 and a standard score of 65. [He] was able to label the following items: tree, eyes, kitty, telephone, bird, scissors, swing, couch (chair), plane, book, watch, wagon, ear."
Okay, let us now compare apples to oranges, shall we? We will compare your DEAF child to a HEARING child and score him.... well.... according to a skewed scale.

What-the-fuck-ever.
"The Carolina Picture Vocabulary Test (CPVT) measures the receptive sign vocabulary where manual sign is the primary mode of communication. [He] earned a raw score of 23, which gives him a percentile rank of 2, a standard score of 69, and an age equivalency of less than 4 years."
That is a bit better, comparing oranges to oranges. BUT: Considering he is THREE YEARS OLD, how is he "behind" with having "an age equivalency of less than 4 years"? Did I miss something here?
"Analysis of a spontaneous language sample revealed that [he] is communicating through occasional signs, gestures, facial expressions and a few vocalizations. He has been very resistive to using known signs functionally to communicate his wants and needs; however gains in this area have been noted during the past month."
There it is AGAIN, gains being noted during the past month!
"Functional use of the following true signs have been recorded: you, fall, big, drive, cry, finish, water, girl, fish, better, Kleenex, color. Furthermore, [he] is beginning to combine a few words: help me, me finish."
He is beginning to combine words, as per the stated "goals" of:
  1. "Appropriately, verbally and/or sign, a 1 word sentence by the end of the 1st semester" [which was in January 2009, met November 2008 with a status score of "2" and January 2009 with a status score of "1" but currently with a status score of "3" (as above)];
  2. "Appropriately, verbally and/or sign, a 2 word sentence by the end of the 2nd semester" [with a current status score (as it is the end of the semester now) of "3" - OH, BUT THEY EXPLAIN WHY: Because he was being homeschooled - even though they have indicated that he is, in fact using 2-word sentences.]
Of course, these are all attributed to not only expressive but receptive language skills - as in indicating that he does not understand more complex statements posed to him as a listener. However, I can tell my son "Tell daddy to come here," "Go outside and ride your bike," "Go find your crayons and paper" (fairly complex commands for a 3-year-old who suffers from receptive language deficits, right?) and he understands perfectly. He also says things you would expect from a 3-year-old: "That is MINE," "That is yours," "I don't like hamburgers," (okay, you might not expect that one from a 3-year-old, but something to that effect) "I want a drink of milk" and countless others. He quite effectively makes his needs and wants known - if you are not a teacher attempting to divide your attention between 20-some students of whom only 4 or 5 have varying levels of hearing impairment and the remainder being hearing, or if you are a speech pathologist who is attempting to force a young child into doing something they have no interest in doing when there are dozens of far more interesting things to focus that monstrous imagination and headstrong will upon.

During the months we were homeschooling - those months in which he made demonstrable gains prior to returning to the public school system - we were continually begged and pleaded with, cajoled, and eventually browbeaten into returning him to their facility.

For what? So they could tell us in a report a month later that he was being "penalized" for an (obviously superior) education simply because we were able to provide it ourselves and make the gains they were incapable of making, by marking his status scores lower? To subject him to testing that is "normed on hearing children" and comparing him as apples to oranges, PROVING he is "deficient"? To tell us that our child is "disabled" simply because he has a physical trait that precludes his being able to attain a cookie-cutter "education" in a "normal" school setting?

How much longer before CPS comes pounding on my door at the behest of the school system because I "refuse" to give him a "normal" life by forcing the invasive implantation of a device into his skull that may or may not work in his case?

Seriously, the only good I have seen come out of this is that now I have - inadvertently - been made aware that there may be a neurological issue with my child for which I can seek medical treatment, something that might not have been done but for their incidental inclusion of that little tidbit into their farce of an educational planning and progress report.

May 22, 2009

Reality in Disguise (AKA The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing)



H/T American Thinker Blog

May 17, 2009

Something To Ponder, Reason for Hope

I had seen commercials on television a while back indicating that some 1 in 166 children are diagnosed with autism, while a CDC report issued earlier that year indicated the figure was actually closer to 1 in 150 children.

Startling, really.

Autism has touched me personally in only a small way and is one of those subjects I admit to having a painful lack of knowledge. Outside of a cousin I have met perhaps twice in my life (lives in California), an ex-boyfriend's brother with mild autism, and a stepdaughter (also several states away) who also suffers severe developmental delay and mental retardation (the reason attaining diagnosis was difficult, her symptoms being attributed to the other conditions), I have little experience with it and, unfortunately, a topic only briefly touched on in psychology and even pathophysiology courses in college.

I had no clue that some individuals diagnosed with this unfortunate disorder have recovered from it. I had learned there were structural differences in the brain, so now I am left wondering what led to this recovery and - prayerfully - if those structural anomalies have also been reversed. If not, is there a chance the autism could re-develop? Per the article, scan images are still being analyzed.

In any case, I will be highly interested in seeing the outcome of this new research. How amazing it would be to be able to offer these people a "second chance" and/or reduce the incidence of children being diagnosed!

April 27, 2009

Around and Around Some More

Been waiting forever to hear back on my FMLA paperwork, the only notification from the company handling my employer's claims a denial letter because they had not received the health care provider certification - which was faxed to them 3 weeks ago. They "found" it today, misplaced, but fortunately they had stamped the fax date and time received and it won't affect my case. I just need to wait for their next letter.

I saw my neurologist last week, and for the first time in the many years I have seen her I was irked. I had to make the appointment to come in, only to be told "there's nothing we can do right now because of your pregnancy."

I looked up the prescribing information on Copaxone, which is a pregnancy class B medication. That indicates a fair level of safety for use in pregnancy. However, the pregnancy itself generally quells relapses, so it's apparently not necessary. Fine, I can accept that. I don't really want to use Copaxone, but I don't know much about the other medications for MS, so I need to do some research. Not that it matters, since none will be prescribed anyhow until after I deliver AND provided I do not breastfeed.

In the meantime, I am not allowed to use Provigil or Lyrica for treatment of my symptoms - which do not diminish in the way relapses of the actual disease do. They are residual, they will continue (and continue to worsen), and I am in misery. Both are pregnancy class C medications, with a higher risk for use in pregnancy, only to be used when the benefits outweigh the risks of their use. Until I see my OB/GYN, though - they are out of the question, and even then there is no guarantee he will see any benefits outweighing the risks (which I admit will be a point of contention with me, seeing as how I am in severe pain and suffering the effects of "intractable and overwhelming fatigue).

What had me irked, though, was the fact that I had to go in for nothing - and she wants me to return in 4 months (while I am still pregnant, obviously) - again for nothing. Because she is the one signing my FMLA paperwork, I have little choice but to comply.

Her office staff gave me a copy of the FMLA paperwork (because the company handling my case claimed they did not have it, and I was going to fax it to them myself). I have burst into tears several times on reading them, and for some morbid reason I cannot tear my eyes away from them. Four benign-appearing sheets of paper, at first glance.

It is one thing to read literature about MS and the effects of the disease, how it can affect a person, outcomes, and prognoses. They are clinical, impersonal, describing a faceless, nameless patient.

It is entirely another to see things like "Probable duration of condition: Lifetime" and "Beginning and end dates for the period of incapacity: Permanent" when your name is sitting next to it in black and white.

It brings home a reality that had in many ways been able to be denied, disregarded, ignored; unfortunately, the illusion (and delusion) cannot last forever.

March 30, 2009

Drug Sniffing Dog

Oh, good grief - I love my email box....

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says: Watch this.' He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says: 'That woman is in possession of marijuana , so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man. Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles. The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's arm. The agent says, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again. Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the middle seat and proceeds to crap all over the place. The first man is really amazed by this behavior and can't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this, so he asks the agent 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replies, 'He just found a bomb.!!!'

When You Just Can't Help Yourself

This friend of mine sends me some really good stuff sometimes, and it's always a pleasure to open my email box and see her name pop up.






How can you NOT laugh?

March 26, 2009

WTF Is Wrong With You People?

Seriously. Are you incapable of advocating for yourself? Do you have an overwhelming desire to lay your career/financial destiny in the hands of another - where you will have less control than you think you have now?

About 3 years ago, there was a union organization effort at the hospital for which I work. Being unafraid to advocate for myself and what I want out of my job, let alone no desire to pay someone else to do what I can do for free (and needing every single penny of my paycheck anyhow), and the frightful possibility of being bound by generalized "conditions" for the entire unit (which may have been good for the other however-many employees of the unit but not at all for the mere TEN of my specific department), I admit that I voted NO.

Some weeks back I got a letter in the mail from that same union (wondering how the fuck they had my address and wondering if that was a violation of my privacy, soliciting me in such a manner), reminding me that we voted that union down 3 years ago and kind of a taunting "see what you've done" attitude about how conditions have "worsened" in the intervening period.

Well, no shit, Sherlock - the whole fucking state is madly swirling around the center of the toilet bowl, Guvnir Granwhore madly cackling and flushing repeatedly. Of course, though, some people just cannot be satisfied with the fact that they still HAVE a fucking job with a statewide unemployment rate of 12%.... so let's provoke the employer and try to push that union again.

Now I have in my hands ANOTHER letter from that fucking union.... again, addressed to me at my home, and the top of my head is about to explode.

I am not a nurse, and they have their own union. I am "service" staff - lumped in with maintenance, housekeeping, cafeteria staff, (I believe) clerical, and others in our organization. My specific job concerns, duties, and working conditions have NOTHING to do with what some of those other folks' positions have to do with - being a transcriptionist who WORKS FROM HOME.

This is the letter I received, along with my own comments on the issues.

FORMING A UNION MEANS HAVING A VOICE IN HOSPITAL POLICIES

We, the members of AFSCME here in YYYYY County, want you to have what we have: dignity in our work, respect on the job, a voice in our wages, hours and working conditions. {I already have those - I have had them all along, and I needed to pay no one to "appropriate" them for me - I earned them all on my own.}

We have obtained this improved quality in our working lives and careers through AFSCME representation. Our AFSCME contracts provide us better wages, better benefits, and greater security and protection on the job than nonunion workers can expect. {Again, I already have these things, gained on my own merits.}

By forming a union, health care employees gain a voice in hospital policies and procedures. Rather than having decisions made arbitrarily without their input, they negotiate over the policies that affect their jobs, their patients, and their future. {We have regular hospital-wide "Pulse Check" meetings - where policies, procedures, etc. are laid out neatly and questions are answered - again, regularly.}
  1. Scheduling systems. Around the country, hospital employees are negotiating scheduling policies and options that guarantee both flexibility and security. {Those in our department already have flexible scheduling policies, and our bosses are extremely receptive to suggestions, ideas, or concerns.}
  2. Floating guidelines. Hospitals often use floating as a regular way to solve staffing problems, and too many healthcare employees are floated to unfamiliar areas. To protect patient care and professional standards, most healthcare union contracts include specific guidelines for when and how floating is done. {This affects me not at all, and those I know in the hospital who DO float are not located into "unfamiliar areas." Additionally, there are strict policies about an employee performing in certain positions and their qualifications to do so. So, a housekeeper will not be doing unit clerk duties - unless they are trained and qualified to do so.}
  3. Overtime policies. (XXXXX does not have any overtime policy now.) Many hospitals are responding to the growing shortage of healthcare staff by requiring employees to work excessive amounts of mandatory overtime. Hospital employees are negotiating alternatives that will preserve the quality of patient care and recruit and retain more staff. {Someone obviously did not bother to read the policies and procedures manual, because there IS, in fact, an overtime policy - last revised 11/01/03 - which states "Although overtime is discouraged, there will be occasions when it is necessary." Discouraged. In my 8 years of working at this hospital, ONE time has our department been required to use mandatory overtime. ONE.}
  4. Career enhancement. (XXXXX lacks career enhancement policies.) By working together as a union, hospital employees have a say in the policies that affect their job satisfaction and opportunities for advancement. {Again, someone did not bother to read the handbook, because there are not one but TWO policies on the books about evaluations of progress and advancement/transfer within the organization.}
  5. How the hospital works. Through their unions, more and more hospital employees are working in partnership with their employers and participating in decisions about how their hospitals operate. Studies show that shared decision-making in union hospitals increases productivity by up to 16 percent, raises quality standards, lowers turnover rates, and improves efficiency. One study found that union-management cooperation increase staffing levels and hospital revenues. {Again, we have regular meetings where this kind of stuff is discussed - openly and to death, IMO. There is also an entire policy on the books about "Employee Suggestions."}
  6. Privatization. What happens to you if XXXXX contracts out your job? Have you seen jobs contracted out or privatized? Food Service? Maintenance? Housekeeping? Did you have a chance to vote on privatization of jobs? Did management share equally in the job losses? (A company called ZZZZZ is now running the Housekeeping, Environmental Services, and Food Service. With ZZZZZ employees as your bosses, whose rules apply to you? XXXXX or ZZZZZ? How long before your job is privatized, too?) {Know what? It happens - anywhere and everywhere - and this is something someone in my field has come to expect at any time - since girls in India can transcribe documents for about 2 cents per line versus the 10, 12, 15 or more cents per line we get paid here or equivalent hourly wage. However, considering our hospital just invested in a brand-new dictation system, I don't think the demise of our jobs is imminent anytime soon.}
We're still AFSCME. We still care about you and want to help you with your workplace challenges and issues. If you want to form a union, or if you want more information on AFSCME and Unionism, Sign the enclosed green show-of-interest card and mail it back to us.
Having addressed my PERSONAL job concerns above, I will now address the issue I have with the "show-of-interest" card enclosed with this letter.
AUTHORIZATION FOR REPRESENTATION BY THE AMERICAN FEDERATION OF STATE, COUNTY & MUNICIPAL EMPLOYEES/AFL-CIO

I hereby desire to be represented by the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, AFL-CIO, and/or its appropriate affiliates as my exclusive bargaining agent in all matters affecting my wages, hours, and conditions of employment.
This card indicates a desire for the employee to turn over representation to another party ONLY - nowhere on the card does it allow you to mark "I just want information." You fill it out and sign it, you have agreed to relinquish your right to self-negotiate in any way on your own behalf should enough of your coworkers wish to do the same.

Lies and subterfuge. How much more blatant can you get? And these unions do NOT guarantee better pay and benefits in any way. My sister works at a union hospital, as "service" staff much like myself, and they lost all their paid holidays and other benefits. Sorry, but I have no desire whatsoever to have someone toying with the benefits I have and making things worse, compromising my position (what is to stop the hospital from outsourcing or privatizing MORE positions if deemed economically necessary?) - and have to PAY someone to screw me over?

NO THANK YOU.

No! Michigan

Going back to my previous bout of disgust with the unemployment rate in Michigan (the worst in the nation for several years running) and the idiocy of our "governor" wanting to change the way gas taxes are computed (so as to suck more out of the residents left here), we now find that the unemployment rate here indeed has increased:

As of February 2009, the unemployment rate in Michigan has reached a staggering 12.0% - a +4.6% change over the past year.

Granholm does not need to change the gas tax to collect more money for improvements in infrastructure. She only needs to collect enough to improve I-75....

The route many Michigan residents are traversing to flee this shit hole she has created.

March 9, 2009

Riding To A Winner

The Rocking Horse Winner
D.H. Lawrence

There was a woman who was beautiful, who started with all the advantages, yet she had no luck. She married for love, and the love turned to dust. She had bonny children, yet she felt they had been thrust upon her, and she could not love them. They looked at her coldly, as if they were finding fault with her. And hurriedly she felt she must cover up some fault in herself. Yet what it was that she must cover up she never knew. Nevertheless, when her children were present, she always felt the centre of her heart go hard. This troubled her, and in her manner she was all the more gentle and anxious for her children, as if she loved them very much. Only she herself knew that at the centre of her heart was a hard little place that could not feel love, no, not for anybody. Everybody else said of her: "She is such a good mother. She adores her children." Only she herself, and her children themselves, knew it was not so. They read it in each other's eyes.

There were a boy and two little girls. They lived in a pleasant house, with a garden, and they had discreet servants, and felt themselves superior to anyone in the neighbourhood.

Although they lived in style, they felt always an anxiety in the house. There was never enough money. The mother had a small income, and the father had a small income, but not nearly enough for the social position which they had to keep up. The father went into town to some office. But though he had good prospects, these prospects never materialised. There was always the grinding sense of the shortage of money, though the style was always kept up.

At last the mother said: "I will see if I can't make something." But she did not know where to begin. She racked her brains, and tried this thing and the other, but could not find anything successful. The failure made deep lines come into her face. Her children were growing up, they would have to go to school. There must be more money, there must be more money. The father, who was always very handsome and expensive in his tastes, seemed as if he never would be able to do anything worth doing. And the mother, who had a great belief in herself, did not succeed any better, and her tastes were just as expensive.

And so the house came to be haunted by the unspoken phrase: There must be more money! There must be more money! The children could hear it all the time though nobody said it aloud. They heard it at Christmas, when the expensive and splendid toys filled the nursery. Behind the shining modern rocking-horse, behind the smart doll's house, a voice would start whispering: "There must be more money! There must be more money!" And the children would stop playing, to listen for a moment. They would look into each other's eyes, to see if they had all heard. And each one saw in the eyes of the other two that they too had heard. "There must be more money! There must be more money!"

It came whispering from the springs of the still-swaying rocking-horse, and even the horse, bending his wooden, champing head, heard it. The big doll, sitting so pink and smirking in her new pram, could hear it quite plainly, and seemed to be smirking all the more self-consciously because of it. The foolish puppy, too, that took the place of the teddy-bear, he was looking so extraordinarily foolish for no other reason but that he heard the secret whisper all over the house: "There must be more money!"

Yet nobody ever said it aloud. The whisper was everywhere, and therefore no one spoke it. Just as no one ever says: "We are breathing!" in spite of the fact that breath is coming and going all the time.

"Mother," said the boy Paul one day, "why don't we keep a car of our own? Why do we always use uncle's, or else a taxi?"

"Because we're the poor members of the family," said the mother.

"But why are we, mother?"

"Well - I suppose," she said slowly and bitterly, "it's because your father has no luck."

The boy was silent for some time.

"Is luck money, mother?" he asked, rather timidly.

"No, Paul. Not quite. It's what causes you to have money."

"Oh!" said Paul vaguely. "I thought when Uncle Oscar said filthy lucker, it meant money."

"Filthy lucre does mean money," said the mother. "But it's lucre, not luck."

"Oh!" said the boy. "Then what is luck, mother?"

"It's what causes you to have money. If you're lucky you have money. That's why it's better to be born lucky than rich. If you're rich, you may lose your money. But if you're lucky, you will always get more money."

"Oh! Will you? And is father not lucky?"

"Very unlucky, I should say," she said bitterly.

The boy watched her with unsure eyes.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know. Nobody ever knows why one person is lucky and another unlucky."

"Don't they? Nobody at all? Does nobody know?"

"Perhaps God. But He never tells."

"He ought to, then. And aren't you lucky either, mother?"

"I can't be, if I married an unlucky husband."

"But by yourself, aren't you?"

"I used to think I was, before I married. Now I think I am very unlucky indeed."

"Why?"

"Well - never mind! Perhaps I'm not really," she said.

The child looked at her to see if she meant it. But he saw, by the lines of her mouth, that she was only trying to hide something from him.

"Well, anyhow," he said stoutly, "I'm a lucky person."

"Why?" said his mother, with a sudden laugh.

He stared at her. He didn't even know why he had said it.

"God told me," he asserted, brazening it out.

"I hope He did, dear!", she said, again with a laugh, but rather bitter.

"He did, mother!"

"Excellent!" said the mother, using one of her husband's exclamations.

The boy saw she did not believe him; or rather, that she paid no attention to his assertion. This angered him somewhere, and made him want to compel her attention.

He went off by himself, vaguely, in a childish way, seeking for the clue to 'luck'. Absorbed, taking no heed of other people, he went about with a sort of stealth, seeking inwardly for luck. He wanted luck, he wanted it, he wanted it. When the two girls were playing dolls in the nursery, he would sit on his big rocking-horse, charging madly into space, with a frenzy that made the little girls peer at him uneasily. Wildly the horse careered, the waving dark hair of the boy tossed, his eyes had a strange glare in them. The little girls dared not speak to him.

When he had ridden to the end of his mad little journey, he climbed down and stood in front of his rocking-horse, staring fixedly into its lowered face. Its red mouth was slightly open, its big eye was wide and glassy-bright.

"Now!" he would silently command the snorting steed. "Now take me to where there is luck! Now take me!"

And he would slash the horse on the neck with the little whip he had asked Uncle Oscar for. He knew the horse could take him to where there was luck, if only he forced it. So he would mount again and start on his furious ride, hoping at last to get there.

"You'll break your horse, Paul!" said the nurse.

"He's always riding like that! I wish he'd leave off!" said his elder sister Joan.

But he only glared down on them in silence. Nurse gave him up. She could make nothing of him. Anyhow, he was growing beyond her.

One day his mother and his Uncle Oscar came in when he was on one of his furious rides. He did not speak to them.

"Hallo, you young jockey! Riding a winner?" said his uncle.

"Aren't you growing too big for a rocking-horse? You're not a very little boy any longer, you know," said his mother.

But Paul only gave a blue glare from his big, rather close-set eyes. He would speak to nobody when he was in full tilt. His mother watched him with an anxious expression on her face.

At last he suddenly stopped forcing his horse into the mechanical gallop and slid down.

"Well, I got there!" he announced fiercely, his blue eyes still flaring, and his sturdy long legs straddling apart.

"Where did you get to?" asked his mother.

"Where I wanted to go," he flared back at her.

"That's right, son!" said Uncle Oscar. "Don't you stop till you get there. What's the horse's name?"

"He doesn't have a name," said the boy.

"Gets on without all right?" asked the uncle.

"Well, he has different names. He was called Sansovino last week."

"Sansovino, eh? Won the Ascot. How did you know this name?"

"He always talks about horse-races with Bassett," said Joan.

The uncle was delighted to find that his small nephew was posted with all the racing news. Bassett, the young gardener, who had been wounded in the left foot in the war and had got his present job through Oscar Cresswell, whose batman he had been, was a perfect blade of the 'turf'. He lived in the racing events, and the small boy lived with him.

Oscar Cresswell got it all from Bassett.

"Master Paul comes and asks me, so I can't do more than tell him, sir," said Bassett, his face terribly serious, as if he were speaking of religious matters.

"And does he ever put anything on a horse he fancies?"

"Well - I don't want to give him away - he's a young sport, a fine sport, sir. Would you mind asking him himself? He sort of takes a pleasure in it, and perhaps he'd feel I was giving him away, sir, if you don't mind.

Bassett was serious as a church.

The uncle went back to his nephew and took him off for a ride in the car.

"Say, Paul, old man, do you ever put anything on a horse?" the uncle asked.

The boy watched the handsome man closely.

"Why, do you think I oughtn't to?" he parried.

"Not a bit of it! I thought perhaps you might give me a tip for the Lincoln."

The car sped on into the country, going down to Uncle Oscar's place in Hampshire.

"Honour bright?" said the nephew.

"Honour bright, son!" said the uncle.

"Well, then, Daffodil."

"Daffodil! I doubt it, sonny. What about Mirza?"

"I only know the winner," said the boy. "That's Daffodil."

"Daffodil, eh?"

There was a pause. Daffodil was an obscure horse comparatively.

"Uncle!"

"Yes, son?"

"You won't let it go any further, will you? I promised Bassett."

"Bassett be damned, old man! What's he got to do with it?"

"We're partners. We've been partners from the first. Uncle, he lent me my first five shillings, which I lost. I promised him, honour bright, it was only between me and him; only you gave me that ten-shilling note I started winning with, so I thought you were lucky. You won't let it go any further, will you?"

The boy gazed at his uncle from those big, hot, blue eyes, set rather close together. The uncle stirred and laughed uneasily.

"Right you are, son! I'll keep your tip private. How much are you putting on him?"

"All except twenty pounds," said the boy. "I keep that in reserve."

The uncle thought it a good joke.

"You keep twenty pounds in reserve, do you, you young romancer? What are you betting, then?"

"I'm betting three hundred," said the boy gravely. "But it's between you and me, Uncle Oscar! Honour bright?"

"It's between you and me all right, you young Nat Gould," he said, laughing. "But where's your three hundred?"

"Bassett keeps it for me. We're partner's."

"You are, are you! And what is Bassett putting on Daffodil?"

"He won't go quite as high as I do, I expect. Perhaps he'll go a hundred and fifty."

"What, pennies?" laughed the uncle.

"Pounds," said the child, with a surprised look at his uncle. "Bassett keeps a bigger reserve than I do."

Between wonder and amusement Uncle Oscar was silent. He pursued the matter no further, but he determined to take his nephew with him to the Lincoln races.

"Now, son," he said, "I'm putting twenty on Mirza, and I'll put five on for you on any horse you fancy. What's your pick?"

"Daffodil, uncle."

"No, not the fiver on Daffodil!"

"I should if it was my own fiver," said the child.

"Good! Good! Right you are! A fiver for me and a fiver for you on Daffodil."

The child had never been to a race-meeting before, and his eyes were blue fire. He pursed his mouth tight and watched. A Frenchman just in front had put his money on Lancelot. Wild with excitement, he flayed his arms up and down, yelling "Lancelot!, Lancelot!" in his French accent.

Daffodil came in first, Lancelot second, Mirza third. The child, flushed and with eyes blazing, was curiously serene. His uncle brought him four five-pound notes, four to one.

"What am I to do with these?" he cried, waving them before the boys eyes.

"I suppose we'll talk to Bassett," said the boy. "I expect I have fifteen hundred now; and twenty in reserve; and this twenty."

His uncle studied him for some moments.

"Look here, son!" he said. "You're not serious about Bassett and that fifteen hundred, are you?"

"Yes, I am. But it's between you and me, uncle. Honour bright?"

"Honour bright all right, son! But I must talk to Bassett."

"If you'd like to be a partner, uncle, with Bassett and me, we could all be partners. Only, you'd have to promise, honour bright, uncle, not to let it go beyond us three. Bassett and I are lucky, and you must be lucky, because it was your ten shillings I started winning with ..."

Uncle Oscar took both Bassett and Paul into Richmond Park for an afternoon, and there they talked.

"It's like this, you see, sir," Bassett said. "Master Paul would get me talking about racing events, spinning yarns, you know, sir. And he was always keen on knowing if I'd made or if I'd lost. It's about a year since, now, that I put five shillings on Blush of Dawn for him: and we lost. Then the luck turned, with that ten shillings he had from you: that we put on Singhalese. And since that time, it's been pretty steady, all things considering. What do you say, Master Paul?"

"We're all right when we're sure," said Paul. "It's when we're not quite sure that we go down."

"Oh, but we're careful then," said Bassett.

"But when are you sure?" smiled Uncle Oscar.

"It's Master Paul, sir," said Bassett in a secret, religious voice. "It's as if he had it from heaven. Like Daffodil, now, for the Lincoln. That was as sure as eggs."

"Did you put anything on Daffodil?" asked Oscar Cresswell.

"Yes, sir, I made my bit."

"And my nephew?"

Bassett was obstinately silent, looking at Paul.

"I made twelve hundred, didn't I, Bassett? I told uncle I was putting three hundred on Daffodil."

"That's right," said Bassett, nodding.

"But where's the money?" asked the uncle.

"I keep it safe locked up, sir. Master Paul he can have it any minute he likes to ask for it."

"What, fifteen hundred pounds?"

"And twenty! And forty, that is, with the twenty he made on the course."

"It's amazing!" said the uncle.

"If Master Paul offers you to be partners, sir, I would, if I were you: if you'll excuse me," said Bassett.

Oscar Cresswell thought about it.

"I'll see the money," he said.

They drove home again, and, sure enough, Bassett came round to the garden-house with fifteen hundred pounds in notes. The twenty pounds reserve was left with Joe Glee, in the Turf Commission deposit.

"You see, it's all right, uncle, when I'm sure! Then we go strong, for all we're worth, don't we, Bassett?"

"We do that, Master Paul."

"And when are you sure?" said the uncle, laughing.

"Oh, well, sometimes I'm absolutely sure, like about Daffodil," said the boy; "and sometimes I have an idea; and sometimes I haven't even an idea, have I, Bassett? Then we're careful, because we mostly go down."

"You do, do you! And when you're sure, like about Daffodil, what makes you sure, sonny?"

"Oh, well, I don't know," said the boy uneasily. "I'm sure, you know, uncle; that's all."

"It's as if he had it from heaven, sir," Bassett reiterated.

"I should say so!" said the uncle.

But he became a partner. And when the Leger was coming on Paul was 'sure' about Lively Spark, which was a quite inconsiderable horse. The boy insisted on putting a thousand on the horse, Bassett went for five hundred, and Oscar Cresswell two hundred. Lively Spark came in first, and the betting had been ten to one against him. Paul had made ten thousand.

"You see," he said. "I was absolutely sure of him."

Even Oscar Cresswell had cleared two thousand.

"Look here, son," he said, "this sort of thing makes me nervous."

"It needn't, uncle! Perhaps I shan't be sure again for a long time."

"But what are you going to do with your money?" asked the uncle.

"Of course," said the boy, "I started it for mother. She said she had no luck, because father is unlucky, so I thought if I was lucky, it might stop whispering."

"What might stop whispering?"

"Our house. I hate our house for whispering."

"What does it whisper?"

"Why - why" - the boy fidgeted - "why, I don't know. But it's always short of money, you know, uncle."

"I know it, son, I know it."

"You know people send mother writs, don't you, uncle?"

"I'm afraid I do," said the uncle.

"And then the house whispers, like people laughing at you behind your back. It's awful, that is! I thought if I was lucky -"

"You might stop it," added the uncle.

The boy watched him with big blue eyes, that had an uncanny cold fire in them, and he said never a word.

"Well, then!" said the uncle. "What are we doing?"

"I shouldn't like mother to know I was lucky," said the boy.

"Why not, son?"

"She'd stop me."

"I don't think she would."

"Oh!" - and the boy writhed in an odd way - "I don't want her to know, uncle."

"All right, son! We'll manage it without her knowing."

They managed it very easily. Paul, at the other's suggestion, handed over five thousand pounds to his uncle, who deposited it with the family lawyer, who was then to inform Paul's mother that a relative had put five thousand pounds into his hands, which sum was to be paid out a thousand pounds at a time, on the mother's birthday, for the next five years.

"So she'll have a birthday present of a thousand pounds for five successive years," said Uncle Oscar. "I hope it won't make it all the harder for her later."

Paul's mother had her birthday in November. The house had been 'whispering' worse than ever lately, and, even in spite of his luck, Paul could not bear up against it. He was very anxious to see the effect of the birthday letter, telling his mother about the thousand pounds.

When there were no visitors, Paul now took his meals with his parents, as he was beyond the nursery control. His mother went into town nearly every day. She had discovered that she had an odd knack of sketching furs and dress materials, so she worked secretly in the studio of a friend who was the chief 'artist' for the leading drapers. She drew the figures of ladies in furs and ladies in silk and sequins for the newspaper advertisements. This young woman artist earned several thousand pounds a year, but Paul's mother only made several hundreds, and she was again dissatisfied. She so wanted to be first in something, and she did not succeed, even in making sketches for drapery advertisements.

She was down to breakfast on the morning of her birthday. Paul watched her face as she read her letters. He knew the lawyer's letter. As his mother read it, her face hardened and became more expressionless. Then a cold, determined look came on her mouth. She hid the letter under the pile of others, and said not a word about it.

"Didn't you have anything nice in the post for your birthday, mother?" said Paul.

"Quite moderately nice," she said, her voice cold and hard and absent.

She went away to town without saying more.

But in the afternoon Uncle Oscar appeared. He said Paul's mother had had a long interview with the lawyer, asking if the whole five thousand could not be advanced at once, as she was in debt.

"What do you think, uncle?" said the boy.

"I leave it to you, son."

"Oh, let her have it, then! We can get some more with the other," said the boy.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, laddie!" said Uncle Oscar.

"But I'm sure to know for the Grand National; or the Lincolnshire; or else the Derby. I'm sure to know for one of them," said Paul.

So Uncle Oscar signed the agreement, and Paul's mother touched the whole five thousand. Then something very curious happened. The voices in the house suddenly went mad, like a chorus of frogs on a spring evening. There were certain new furnishings, and Paul had a tutor. He was really going to Eton, his father's school, in the following autumn. There were flowers in the winter, and a blossoming of the luxury Paul's mother had been used to. And yet the voices in the house, behind the sprays of mimosa and almond-blossom, and from under the piles of iridescent cushions, simply trilled and screamed in a sort of ecstasy: "There must be more money! Oh-h-h; there must be more money. Oh, now, now-w! Now-w-w - there must be more money! - more than ever! More than ever!"

It frightened Paul terribly. He studied away at his Latin and Greek with his tutor. But his intense hours were spent with Bassett. The Grand National had gone by: he had not 'known', and had lost a hundred pounds. Summer was at hand. He was in agony for the Lincoln. But even for the Lincoln he didn't 'know', and he lost fifty pounds. He became wild-eyed and strange, as if something were going to explode in him.

"Let it alone, son! Don't you bother about it!" urged Uncle Oscar. But it was as if the boy couldn't really hear what his uncle was saying.

"I've got to know for the Derby! I've got to know for the Derby!" the child reiterated, his big blue eyes blazing with a sort of madness.

His mother noticed how overwrought he was.

"You'd better go to the seaside. Wouldn't you like to go now to the seaside, instead of waiting? I think you'd better," she said, looking down at him anxiously, her heart curiously heavy because of him.

But the child lifted his uncanny blue eyes.

"I couldn't possibly go before the Derby, mother!" he said. "I couldn't possibly!"

"Why not?" she said, her voice becoming heavy when she was opposed. "Why not? You can still go from the seaside to see the Derby with your Uncle Oscar, if that that's what you wish. No need for you to wait here. Besides, I think you care too much about these races. It's a bad sign. My family has been a gambling family, and you won't know till you grow up how much damage it has done. But it has done damage. I shall have to send Bassett away, and ask Uncle Oscar not to talk racing to you, unless you promise to be reasonable about it: go away to the seaside and forget it. You're all nerves!"

"I'll do what you like, mother, so long as you don't send me away till after the Derby," the boy said.

"Send you away from where? Just from this house?"

"Yes," he said, gazing at her.

"Why, you curious child, what makes you care about this house so much, suddenly? I never knew you loved it."

He gazed at her without speaking. He had a secret within a secret, something he had not divulged, even to Bassett or to his Uncle Oscar.

But his mother, after standing undecided and a little bit sullen for some moments, said: "Very well, then! Don't go to the seaside till after the Derby, if you don't wish it. But promise me you won't think so much about horse-racing and events as you call them!"

"Oh no," said the boy casually. "I won't think much about them, mother. You needn't worry. I wouldn't worry, mother, if I were you."

"If you were me and I were you," said his mother, "I wonder what we should do!"

"But you know you needn't worry, mother, don't you?" the boy repeated.

"I should be awfully glad to know it," she said wearily.

"Oh, well, you can, you know. I mean, you ought to know you needn't worry," he insisted.

"Ought I? Then I'll see about it," she said.

Paul's secret of secrets was his wooden horse, that which had no name. Since he was emancipated from a nurse and a nursery-governess, he had had his rocking-horse removed to his own bedroom at the top of the house.

"Surely you're too big for a rocking-horse!" his mother had remonstrated.

"Well, you see, mother, till I can have a real horse, I like to have some sort of animal about," had been his quaint answer.

"Do you feel he keeps you company?" she laughed.

"Oh yes! He's very good, he always keeps me company, when I'm there," said Paul.

So the horse, rather shabby, stood in an arrested prance in the boy's bedroom.

The Derby was drawing near, and the boy grew more and more tense. He hardly heard what was spoken to him, he was very frail, and his eyes were really uncanny. His mother had sudden strange seizures of uneasiness about him. Sometimes, for half an hour, she would feel a sudden anxiety about him that was almost anguish. She wanted to rush to him at once, and know he was safe.

Two nights before the Derby, she was at a big party in town, when one of her rushes of anxiety about her boy, her first-born, gripped her heart till she could hardly speak. She fought with the feeling, might and main, for she believed in common sense. But it was too strong. She had to leave the dance and go downstairs to telephone to the country. The children's nursery-governess was terribly surprised and startled at being rung up in the night.

"Are the children all right, Miss Wilmot?"

"Oh yes, they are quite all right."

"Master Paul? Is he all right?"

"He went to bed as right as a trivet. Shall I run up and look at him?"

"No," said Paul's mother reluctantly. "No! Don't trouble. It's all right. Don't sit up. We shall be home fairly soon." She did not want her son's privacy intruded upon.

"Very good," said the governess.

It was about one o'clock when Paul's mother and father drove up to their house. All was still. Paul's mother went to her room and slipped off her white fur cloak. She had told her maid not to wait up for her. She heard her husband downstairs, mixing a whisky and soda.

And then, because of the strange anxiety at her heart, she stole upstairs to her son's room. Noiselessly she went along the upper corridor. Was there a faint noise? What was it?

She stood, with arrested muscles, outside his door, listening. There was a strange, heavy, and yet not loud noise. Her heart stood still. It was a soundless noise, yet rushing and powerful. Something huge, in violent, hushed motion. What was it? What in God's name was it? She ought to know. She felt that she knew the noise. She knew what it was.

Yet she could not place it. She couldn't say what it was. And on and on it went, like a madness.

Softly, frozen with anxiety and fear, she turned the door-handle.

The room was dark. Yet in the space near the window, she heard and saw something plunging to and fro. She gazed in fear and amazement.

Then suddenly she switched on the light, and saw her son, in his green pyjamas, madly surging on the rocking-horse. The blaze of light suddenly lit him up, as he urged the wooden horse, and lit her up, as she stood, blonde, in her dress of pale green and crystal, in the doorway.

"Paul!" she cried. "Whatever are you doing?"

"It's Malabar!" he screamed in a powerful, strange voice. "It's Malabar!"

His eyes blazed at her for one strange and senseless second, as he ceased urging his wooden horse. Then he fell with a crash to the ground, and she, all her tormented motherhood flooding upon her, rushed to gather him up.

But he was unconscious, and unconscious he remained, with some brain-fever. He talked and tossed, and his mother sat stonily by his side.

"Malabar! It's Malabar! Bassett, Bassett, I know! It's Malabar!"

So the child cried, trying to get up and urge the rocking-horse that gave him his inspiration.

"What does he mean by Malabar?" asked the heart-frozen mother.

"I don't know," said the father stonily.

"What does he mean by Malabar?" she asked her brother Oscar.

"It's one of the horses running for the Derby," was the answer.

And, in spite of himself, Oscar Cresswell spoke to Bassett, and himself put a thousand on Malabar: at fourteen to one.

The third day of the illness was critical: they were waiting for a change. The boy, with his rather long, curly hair, was tossing ceaselessly on the pillow. He neither slept nor regained consciousness, and his eyes were like blue stones. His mother sat, feeling her heart had gone, turned actually into a stone.

In the evening Oscar Cresswell did not come, but Bassett sent a message, saying could he come up for one moment, just one moment? Paul's mother was very angry at the intrusion, but on second thoughts she agreed. The boy was the same. Perhaps Bassett might bring him to consciousness.

The gardener, a shortish fellow with a little brown moustache and sharp little brown eyes, tiptoed into the room, touched his imaginary cap to Paul's mother, and stole to the bedside, staring with glittering, smallish eyes at the tossing, dying child.

"Master Paul!" he whispered. "Master Paul! Malabar came in first all right, a clean win. I did as you told me. You've made over seventy thousand pounds, you have; you've got over eighty thousand. Malabar came in all right, Master Paul."

"Malabar! Malabar! Did I say Malabar, mother? Did I say Malabar? Do you think I'm lucky, mother? I knew Malabar, didn't I? Over eighty thousand pounds! I call that lucky, don't you, mother? Over eighty thousand pounds! I knew, didn't I know I knew? Malabar came in all right. If I ride my horse till I'm sure, then I tell you, Bassett, you can go as high as you like. Did you go for all you were worth, Bassett?"

"I went a thousand on it, Master Paul."

"I never told you, mother, that if I can ride my horse, and get there, then I'm absolutely sure - oh, absolutely! Mother, did I ever tell you? I am lucky!"

"No, you never did," said his mother.

But the boy died in the night.

And even as he lay dead, his mother heard her brother's voice saying to her, "My God, Hester, you're eighty-odd thousand to the good, and a poor devil of a son to the bad. But, poor devil, poor devil, he's best gone out of a life where he rides his rocking-horse to find a winner."

March 7, 2009

My Thoughts

***Cross-posted at Right in a Left World***

Take it for what you will, these are my thoughts alone. I could very well be wrong (probably not, but there is a first time for everything, so we will leave the possibility open).

Joe, like most people, cannot imagine where it will all end....

I can tell you EXACTLY where it will end. As a student of history and of economics (the combination of these my passion) reaching that conclusion is only hard psychologically - who really wants to be smacked in the head with a figurative 2 x 4, right? On the other hand, morons like Rightwingfuckie (whose sole purpose in life is terrorizing people with whom he disagrees) fail to see that they are hitting themselves upside the head; but that is neither here nor there since that little prick deserves whatever brick wall he walks into face-first. So, FUCK OFF, Snarkie.

It will end in revolution, and not a bloodless one, either. There will be significant loss of life, starting with the elderly, the disabled, and any children unable to fend for themselves. The core population that remains will riot for food, and those unable to hunt and gather will starve. They will die with outstretched hand, waiting for the government to put something in it, pat them on the head, and tell them a happily-ever-after bedtime story.

Barack Obama will not make the end of his first term; he will resign due to health reasons. It has been a nightmare, really, watching the life being sucked out of the man this past year, and rather horrifying to see tics writhe across his face. Then we will be stuck with President Asstard, who could not beat his way out of a wet paper sack. We should expect continued grasping and clawing for power by Hillary Clinton, as well as Nancy Pelosi (IMO, the more dangerous of the two).

The corruption of Congress will catch up to the offenders and we will see them start to drop like flies; prayerfully, many will find themselves sitting in prison where they belong. Parties as we know them will cease to exist. The judiciary has as little respect for the Constitution as the other two branches of our government, and We The People will demand restoration of the liberties, rights, and freedoms guaranteed to us within that document - merely to be protected by the government and not endowed by it, contrary to their belief.

The Dollar will fail, Wall Street will implode, and the Federal Reserve with its unsustainable fiat monetary system will collapse. We will resort to barter, become reliant upon ourselves, and extend charity to each other where needed - not for political gain or appearances but because it is the right thing to do. This will be a worldwide phenomenon.

Washington will burn. I am not trying to spin this with a racial bias, but I believe many of these changes will be effected at the hands of Black America - not because they are "susceptible" or "prone" to violence but because they have been promised so much and will be hurt the worst. We must support them in their endeavors, as it will be the only way TRUE equality will ever be achieved.

In the end, we will be a smaller nation - in population, in demographics, in politics, and perhaps even in geography; but in the end, we will be a closer nation, one that has learned the lessons of the past, screamed "enough" to abuse of power, and taken back those God-granted liberties the government of the last century has had no right usurping.

We will prevail, the American spirit impossible to quash, and we will once again remember what it means to be PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. We have a right to be free, but freedom comes with a price tag. When a person is given something for nothing, they have little appreciation for it; but something earned through sweat, blood, and tears is cherished and treasured.

Our freedom was paid for at terrible expense. Some 25,000 to 50,000 Americans sacrificed their lives in the Revolutionary War as a down payment on protecting that right. Many more have made that sacrifice on our behalf in the years since, to ensure its continued protection. Turning our backs on it now - by not appreciating it or by demeaning it and undermining the core values of the Constitution those individuals had sworn to uphold and protect - is telling them they gave their lives in vain. So many of us in this day and age have no real point of reference, not having paid that price out of our own pockets. Therefore, it is just like that object given for nothing, with little appreciation for it and what it represents: A legacy to pass on from generation to generation.





Lee Green Wood Lyrics

March 5, 2009

Yes, Michigan!

I remember an old theme song from my youth, "Yes, Michigan! The feeling's forever." God's Country, I call it, for the riveting beauty that is (in particular) Michigan's upper and northern lower peninsulas. Mountains, waterfalls, rock formations, vast tracts of forests and picturesque lakes and rivers, each sight and scene is breathtakingly beautiful. I have lived here my entire life, and here I shall remain until I pass from this existence. If someone wants me out of here, they will have to drag my cold, dead carcass out with a John Deere tractor.

Unfortunately, lately it seems a lot has been sucked out of the place.

Continuing the trend of the past several years, Michigan leads the nation in one statistic that carries no pride of ownership: The highest unemployment rate in the nation. As of December 2008, Michigan has toppled the scale at an astounding 10.6% statewide, 11.1% in the Detroit/Livonia area. You know Detroit - home of The Big Three. Just over a year ago in November 2007, our statewide unemployment rate was 7.7% - a 2.9% increase in 13 months' time. Our "governor" projects that the February data will be worse. Historically, the state's highest unemployment rate in November 1982 at 16.9% comes in second only to West Virginia's March 1983 18.2% (table does not indicate date range of data collected). I was but 10 years old and really do not remember much from back then, other than my dad being laid off for a really long time.

Of late, we have been blazing trails through the history books. Being the laughingstock of the nation during the Presidential primary elections was not enough humiliation for this state's residents to endure. Shortly after that spectacle arising out of gross stupidity, we were treated to Congressman John Dingell pushing for an additional 50-cent tax hike per gallon of gas - at a time when most of us already could not afford to fill up our vehicles. Last summer, I asked what was next, after an expanded state sales tax and a retroactive increase in state income tax. I did not have to wait long to find out the answer to a question I knew better than to ask.

Now, our governor wants to change the state gas tax. In addition to the 6% state sales tax, she wishes to implement a (likely) 16% tax per gallon instead of the flat 19-cents-per-gallon tax we pay currently. However, Governor Granholm "insists that the plan is not a tax hike." Looking at the comments left on the article, I found this and was rather stunned:

Today = .19 per gallon flat At the 16%, $2 per gallon = .32 per gallon added on... Last year, $4.50 per gallon = .72 per gallon. so if gas prices rise back to 4.50, like they did in the fall of 2008, we will actually pay $5.22 per gallon when we actually did pay $4.69 per gallon. On an average 18 gallon tank, that difference would be $9.54 more per fill-up. How is that not a tax hike. The only time her plan makes sense and is in our favor is when the price drops below $1.20 per gallon. When is the last time that has happened? This will KILL the already smothered Michigan economy. Jenny, YOU are the weakest link...
Late last September, we took an overnight camping trip down to southwest lower Michigan to take the kids trick-or-treating at one of the state parks. We stopped for gas on the way home, and this was what the pump read when the guy who filled up before us pulled out - and this was even before gas hit almost $5 a gallon:


Using this example, this man's 24.685 gallons of gas cost him $92.85 (yeah, I know the numbers are blurry - sorry): $3.76 per gallon. Had the tax been 16% rather than the flat $0.19 per gallon, his tank of gas would have cost $102.20 - a difference of $9.35.

Surely there is no tax hike there, right Jenny?

On top of that, despite President Obama's recent "challenge" with regards to higher education, Granholm "proposes to cut need-based funding," which helps students pay college tuition - while asking colleges and universities to freeze tuition rates. Along with a 5.8% funding cut ($18.8 million), more students would be able to participate in these programs - more students competing for fewer funds. I fail to see the logic in that move; as more students become unable to pay their tuition bills with fewer dollars available, does it not seem likely more would end up dropping out due to inability to pay - especially when considered in conjunction with the unemployment rate and those students, therefore, unable to work their way through school?

Barack Obama has it right - while Granholm truly is proving herself to be "the weakest link": (emphasis mine)
"Right now, three-quarters of the fastest-growing occupations require more than a high school diploma," Obama said. "And yet, just over half of our citizens have that level of education. We have one of the highest high school dropout rates of any industrialized nation. And half of the students who begin college never finish."

"This is a prescription for economic decline, because we know the countries that out-teach us today will out-compete us tomorrow. That is why it will be the goal of this administration to ensure that every child has access to a complete and competitive education—from the day they are born to the day they begin a career."
Perhaps even scarier is the realization that our education system's decline has worsened since 2003 - the year she entered office: (emphasis mine)
University officials lay much of the blame for higher prices on the penny-wise, pound-foolish attitude in Lansing — with good reason. Michigan has the dubious distinction of being the only state in the country to spend less on higher education in 2008 than it did in 2003, a per-student cut of $2,852, according to state universities. That says a lot to us about the priorities and the foresight of Michigan’s political leaders.
The cherry on top is Obama C&T, which will have the effect of "sinking" Michigan. I fear it will not be long before we suffer what I had expressed concern about previously:
The future of Michigan is a large question mark. With few jobs, sky-high unemployment rate, increases in state income and sales tax this past year, and state leaders pointing fingers at the Bush administration while taking no responsibility for ANYTHING, she has entered dark times. An Obama Presidency would surely push us into crisis, our economy beyond salvage. What happens to an unsalvageable limb compromising the overall health of the body? It is amputated, sacrificed to save the life. Sit here in my seat for a moment, and imagine the terror felt at the image of a financial or political "amputation" of the Great Lakes State.
I am afraid. Very afraid.




Upper Tahquamenon Falls - Michigan's upper peninsula

March 2, 2009

National MS Awareness Week

March 2 - 8, 2009, is National MS Awareness Week.

An unpredictable disease of the central nervous system, multiple sclerosis (MS) can range from relatively benign to somewhat disabling to devastating, as communication between the brain and other parts of the body is disrupted. Many investigators believe MS to be an autoimmune disease -- one in which the body, through its immune system, launches a defensive attack against its own tissues. In the case of MS, it is the nerve-insulating myelin that comes under assault. Such assaults may be linked to an unknown environmental trigger, perhaps a virus.
* * * * *

In November 2007, I received my formal diagnosis of MS. Some 15 months after the onset of persistent profound weakness in three extremities (including my dominant right arm, which has been and continues to be flaccid, and both legs with intermittent but increasing flaccidity) as well as facial musculature and even muscles of breathing (thankfully, this lil'bit returned in short order), the loss of vision in my right eye, and the onset of intractable dizziness and destructive fatigue (all of which have persisted and worsened); after being told by various healthcare professionals I had nothing "serious" wrong with me, that I had medical schoolitis related to my job as a transcriptionist, that I was under too much stress from working so much and in need of psychiatric care, and that I was faking my symptoms; after losing my ability to participate in hobbies like bowling, painting, and reading; after finding myself confined to a chair or bed and unable to run and play with my children, I was told what I suspected all along in spite of clean MRIs and negative laboratory testing: I have multiple sclerosis.

I was lucky, having to wait only 15 months to get that diagnosis; many people wait much longer, not fulfilling all the criteria required to give that formal diagnosis and enable institution of treatment.

There is no cure for multiple sclerosis. Treatment for remitting-relapsing MS (RRMS) involves the use of disease-modifying drugs like Copaxone (the medication I had been on pre-pregnancy) and Avonex (the one I think I will ask my NL about post-partum), but they do not cure; rather, they attempt to slow down the disease and shorten or lessen the severity of exacerbations.

For some of us, treatment is only symptomatic and standard agents for RRMS do little to nothing to slow down or diminish the effects of this mysterious and unpredictable disease.

I have tried not to be bitter, but seeing how much I have lost and weighing it against what remains, I find myself having a more difficult time in that endeavor. Reality struck home a few weeks ago when my NL informed me that it was time to consider filing for disability, spiraling me into a deepening depression because the only "hobby" I had left was work - and I was facing losing that, as well. I do not allow MS to define who I am, but my work ethic, skills, abilities, and passion for what I do have been part of what defines me for the last 20 years of my life.

Without work, I become a lump. I have no desire to fill that bill of goods.

I spoke with my boss the other day, giving her a peek into what has been going on. I realize now I should not have kept her in the dark. Unfortunately, part of that had to do with the boss I had been under that was (thankfully) recently "downsized" to another part of the organization and the boss's attitude toward me since I got that formal diagnosis of MS; although it is violation of federal law to fire me due to my disability, that person seemed hell-bent on making sure to do everything necessary to enhance my misery so I would quit on my own. She (my current boss) told me to stop in to HR and talk to them about filing FMLA, with the provisions for intermittent personal medical leave, to preserve my position without jeopardizing it due to my frequent MS-related absences.

I was so distressed and depressed, FMLA never even crossed my mind. The only options the NL gave me were basically to live with it or to file for disability - as though the mental depression caused by either of these had little relevance. If she was offering disability as an option, I would have to assume she would have filed the paperwork on my behalf; I am hopeful that she would be willing to file FMLA paperwork in its place, to keep me working in whatever capacity I can for as long as I can.

My boss has thrown me a lifeline of sorts, giving me a bit of hope in looking forward.

* * * * *

While no one wants to be diagnosed with MS, for some 200,000+ Americans, it is a reality. Sometimes - as happened with myself - there is a rush of relief at knowing there is something more wrong with you than "just in your head" and that you are not imagining things. There has never been a better time, really, to receive a diagnosis like this. For the majority of MSers, this is not a death sentence, and many go on to lead normal, productive lives. Research continues and, in time, there will be a cure. Current therapies involve injectables, but trials are underway for oral medications. Seeking out the cause will be a tremendous step toward finding a cure.

If you have MS and need assistance with medications or assistive devices, please check this out.

* * * * *

UPDATE: I spoke with the Human Resources department today, and they have given me the contact information for the agency that coordinates the FMLA/LOA program for our institution. Ever onward and upward! Amazing, the relief you feel knowing there are actually people ready and willing to help you when you need it - and are not afraid to ask for it.

  © Blogger template 'Darken' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP